Josie's Story
by shelizabeth
Summary: Alex Karev has raised his daughter alone after a tragic accident. Josie has grown up thirteen years having only pictures and stories of Jo as a mother. That is, until Josie starts seeing her mom everywhere, and Josie becomes determined to find out the truth about what really happened the night she was born.
1. Chapter 1

The lights were dark again. That was the first thing she noticed when she walked up to her front door. Disappointed and shaking from the rain, she left her shining red boots by the entrance way and walked straight to the kitchen. Without turning on any lights, she pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it up with water from the tap.

"Here, Daddy," she said softly, setting her backpack down next to him on the table. "Another migraine?"

"A little bit, Princess," said her father, rubbing his temples. "Thank you," he said, taking the little green pills from her hand and gulping them down in one swallow.

"I can call Auntie Mer and Uncle Derek," she offered.

"I'll be fine, Josie, don't you worry about me," said her father smiling. "Do you have any homework to do?"

Josie avoided the question. Of course she had homework. She had homework every day in the eighth grade.

"Tell me about Mommy," said Josie suddenly. "Tell me the story again."

"You don't want to hear that again, Jose, do you? You must know it by heart by now."

It was true, she did know it by heart. But it always brightened her father, even though he didn't seem to notice the effect. Every time it got dark again, she asked him to tell the story, and he would talk about her Mom and he would light up again. Even though she wasn't there, it was like the memory of her turned on all the lights again.

"Well," her father started. "she found out the day after her first solo surgery. She had been throwing up, but she thought it was just nerves. It wasn't until the day after, when she was still puking, that she decided to buy a pregnancy test."

"And it was me!" Josie beamed. "I was making her throw up!"

"Yes," laughed her dad. "It was you."

"_Alex, you need to talk to me," said Jo, leaning against the wall by the front door._

"And it was our front door!" interrupted Josie eagerly. Her father confirmed this before continuing.

_Instead of a reply, Alex's hard stare kept eye contact with Jo until she turned away out of discomfort. She shook her head, exasperated, annoyed, overwhelmed. _

"_This is important," insisted Jo. "You can't just blow me off forever!"_

"_Can't I?"_

"_No, you can't."_

"_Who's going to stop me?"_

"_Alex!" said Jo, angrier than she could remember being since he let her past slip to Jason. "You have to grow up! We can't go on like this anymore, we have to change!"_

"We _have to _change? _I don't have to do anything."_

"_Yes you do! If you're going to be a father, you need to grow up!"_

_The silence that followed was so thick, it was almost suffocating. Jo was in shock that she had let it slip out in anger, and Alex was trying to decipher if he had heard correctly. _

"_This wasn't how I was going to tell you," said Jo. "I had a whole thing, it was probably stupid anyway, this was probably better." Jo let out a sigh and threw a shopping bag towards Alex, who caught it quickly. Still speechless and slightly dizzy, he opened the bag and pulled out a white onesie with a first aid symbol on it, which under it read: Relax, my Daddy's a doctor._

"I remember that!" interrupted Josie again.

"You remember that onesie?" asked Alex skeptically.

"Well, no, not exactly," admitted Josie. "I remember seeing it in the bins of my baby stuff in the attic."

"Right," smiled Alex at the memory. "You also came home from the hospital in it."

"_Jo, are you serious?"_

"_Yes," said Jo, clearly fighting a smile that was creeping up to her eyes._

"_We're having a baby?"_

"_Well, I'm the one having the baby," corrected Jo, still smiling. "But she's half you, so."_

"_She?"_

"_I don't know yet," admitted Jo. "I just feel it."_

"_Hmm," said Alex, placing his hand over Jo's stomach, even though he couldn't feel anything but an electric excitement. "Well, I think Alex Jr. is in there."_

_At this, Jo let out a booming laugh, and for a few moments, neither of them were scared._

"But Mommy was right," pointed out Josie. "I'm a girl."

"Yes, as she usually was," admitted Alex. "Especially during the pregnancy. She seemed to know everything. She read every parenting book, I mean, she prepared every way she could. She was so nervous about doing something wrong, but so excited to finally meet you."

"Daddy," said Josie, sitting up on her knees in her chair so she could wipe her father's face with her sleeve. "You're crying."

"I'm sorry, Princess. I just- I wish she could have met you. I wish you could have known her."

"I know her because of you," said Josie softly. "I feel her sometimes. Before you even showed me the videos of her, I heard her voice sometimes. When the boys on the playground used to tease me and chase me around I never cried, because I just felt like she was there with me. Like she was on my side or something and would have beat them up for me. Daddy, you're crying again."

"You're so much like her," Alex explained. "Besides being her little twin, you're stubborn and smart and you remind me so much of her every day. She would have been proud of who you are."

"You're going to make me cry!" said Josie, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "Just tell the story!"

"Okay, okay," said Alex. "Where was I?"

"_She's only 32 weeks!" cried Alex, following everyone he knew down the familiar corridor of the emergency room in Grey Sloan Memorial. "Where's Dr. Robbins?"_

"_In surgery!" yelled Callie from the other side of the gurney. "I've paged her."_

"_Page her again!" Alex demanded._

"_Alex," called Jo weakly, reaching out her hand, which now had drained of all color except for a dull shade of blue around her fingertips._

"_I'm right here," said Alex quickly, holding Jo's hand so delicately, as if it would crumble with any pressure._

"_My baby..."_

"_She's going to be fine," Alex assured, "You're going to be fine. Just keep holding on."_

"_We still haven't picked out a name..."_

"_We'll have plenty of time for that," he promised her. "Once you hold her, you'll know."_

_Jo nodded, seemingly pleased with this solution._

"But she never held me," said Josie sadly.

"No," said Alex, not even trying to hide his tears anymore.

"_You can't deliver her!"_

"_Alex," said Arizona, now trying to reason with Alex after leaving in the middle of a surgery. "If this was anyone else, you'd be recommending it." _

"_This isn't anyone else!" Alex boomed. "This is Jo! This is my daughter! I can't lose them, they're all I have, Arizona."_

"_Alex, there's no other choice. There's a placenta abruption. It's completely seperated from the uterus. If we don't deliver, there's a good chance neither Jo or your daughter will survive."_

_Alex let his head fall back in his hands while he paced back and forth in the few paces he had outside the operating room._

"_Alright, do it," said a defeated Alex, then pulled Arizona's sterile gown back. "Save Jo. Do you understand me? Save Jo."_

"_We're going to do everything we can.."_

"_No, Arizona, listen to me. Save Jo."_

"_Got it..."_

"You wanted to save Mommy over me," said Josie, understanding what he meant.

"I wanted to save both of you."

"But if you had to choose, you would have chose Mommy. Because you and Mommy can make more babies, but if she was gone, I was all you'd ever have."

"That's not true," said Alex. "There's no life without you, Josie. We could have made a thousand babies, but there would never be another person quite like you."

"Okay, Daddy," said Josie, smiling and sounding much older than thirteen. "I believe you."

"_Why isn't she crying? Alex, why isn't she crying!"_

"_Her lungs are underdeveloped, she can't breathe..." voices shouted across the room. Alex watched his daughter being passed around until she was lying under the lights, a huddle of doctors surrounding her. _

"_She's going to be okay," said Alex, letting Jo squeeze his hand. She was putting so much force into it he could feel her nails digging into his palm, but there was little to no pressure from her actual hold. "Just think about holding her. Stay with me... Where is she going?" demanded Alex, watching his baby being carried away. _

"_She's going into emergency surgery, we need to open her airway..."_

"_I'm coming!" _

"_No you're not, sit down Alex. You can't perform a surgery in this emotional state!"_

"_My daughter needs me__!" said Alex, jumping up._

"_Let me do this one," said Arizona, too calmly. For the first time Alex realized he wasn't an equal anymore. He was a crazy family member, it was her I-need-to-calm-down-a-family-member-who-thinks-they-know-more-than-me voice. _

"_DON'T TOUCH HER!" bellowed Alex, ripping off his clean suit._

"_Alex, stay with Jo. She's losing a lot of blood, she's not..."_

"_No..."_

"_Stay with her," Arizona advised. Without another word, Alex nodded and sat down, hot tears forming thickly in his eyes. Jo's face was pale and sickly, and for a few seconds, Alex was transported to mornings of holding her hair back while she threw up with morning sickness. After a while he had started to braid her hair in the mornings like he used to do for his sister. Jo laughed, saying it tickled and felt like a massage, but it was easier for him when she smelled something again that made her sick._

"_Where's our baby..." asked Jo, her voice soft and far away._

"_She's in surgery, just hold on, you'll see her soon."_

"_She needs to go into emergency surgery," announced Bailey, who was standing over Jo. "She's losing too much blood. She needs a hysterectomy."_

"_A hysterectomy? That means no more babies..." said Jo._

"_You're more important," insisted Alex. "We have our daughter. We can adopt if we want more."_

"_She's all we have..."_

"_She's enough," promised Alex._

"_You need to go with her," said Jo. "You need to save her. You need to make sure she lives..."_

"_No," said Alex firmly. "I'm staying with you."_

"_No," smiled Jo, her white lips cracked. "I'm losing too much blood. I still went to medical school, you know," joked Jo heavily. "You need to go with our daughter. You have to make sure she survives."_

"That's when you left her," said Josie.

"That's when I left her," nodded Alex. "And finished your surgery. When I came back, she was gone. The doctors did everything they could."

"Auntie Arizona let you do the surgery on me?"

"I didn't give her much of a choice," admitted Alex.

"That's why my name is Josephine Arizona Karev," Josie marveled. "Because Auntie Arizona took care of me when you stayed with Mommy."

"Yes," said her father softly, then lifted his head to look around the kitchen, as if noticing what was around him for the first time. "It's pretty dark in here, isn't it? Why don't we turn some lights on?"

For a response, Josie only smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: **I'm really bad at one-shots. I always get really into them and get ideas and have to keep writing. This chapter is sad too, but as you might guess from the end, I have a few ideas and tricks up my sleeve.

* * *

><p>Josie's stomach was writhing in hunger. She groaned and swiveled her chair around, hoping that a nurse didn't need to come by and sit for awhile, because she had no intention of moving spots.<p>

"Jaxy!" called Josie as soon as her friend came into view. She waved her arm over her head so he would see her. He was just under a year older than her, so they were in the same grade. They grew up at the hospital together, starting from the long days at the daycare when her dad and both of his parents were in surgery.

"Hey Josie, what's up?" he asked with a mouth full of a sandwich his mom must have made him.

"I'm so hungry," complained Josie. "I haven't eaten since this morning."

"Didn't your dad pack you a lunch?"

"Yeah, but I ate it before noon," she explained patiently. "Like when we have lunch at school. What's this stupid bring your child to work day idea anyway? I'd rather have gone to school."

"I know," agreed Jax, handing over his uneaten half of sandwich to Josie. "I already know I'm going to be a surgeon, anyway."

"You do?"

"Of course. Don't you?"

"I guess," said Josie, swallowing a giant bite of lettuce and wheat bread. Jax's mother was so that type. She was super type A and a health nut, but she was also overly nice and super pretty. Josie was nothing if not a little bit intimidated by her. And Jax's father, who he was named Jackson after, was a living god. Josie couldn't help but turn scarlet everytime he looked at her. Jax was such a weird mix of both of them, it completely baffled her. While Josie's father had always told her she was a walking miniature version of her mother, Jax was somehow completely split in half. He had tan skin, piercing see-through eyes, and a smitten smirk that unmistakably came from his father, but auburn hair that mirrored his mother. It used to be bright red, Josie could remember, but it had simmered down to a rusty brown. He kept it unruly and long as soon as his mother stopped giving him the bowl cut.

"Sofia and Zola are already looking at colleges," said Jax, pretending to look through cheat sheets a nurse left at the station. "She's looking at Tufts and John Hopkins."

"Well, they're sixteen and seventeen. We're thirteen."

"I'm almost fourteen."

"Yeah, well, by that time they'll be seventeen and eighteen."

"Yeah, whatever," said Jax, ending the argument. "So did you see any good surgeries today?"

"No, I wasn't watching. Were we supposed to?"

"I watched my dad fix a cleft lip. It was really cool," shrugged Jax.

"Well my dad was too busy saving babies to have an audience," countered Josie, then doubting herself, added, "probably," as an afterthought.

"I found something else," said Jax, looking around, as if no one could hear what he was about to say. Underneath his jacket, he pulled a brown plaque with a picture in a 5x7 rectangle at the top.

"Jaxy! What is this?!"

"Look at it," he instructed. "I found it in an old hallway when I was going to the bathroom."

"It says Interns - 2012. What about them?"

"Look at them!"

And Josie did, and then she knew why he stole the dark wood plaque off the wall and brought it to show her. Next to who was listed as Stephanie Edwards, was her mother. At the bottom it read Josephine Wilson. She was smiling, a really big smile that clearly showed that someone had made her laugh right before taking the picture. Without realizing, Josie felt her mouth creep upwards into a smile mirroring one much like her mother's in the picture.

"She's so beautiful," sighed Josie, tracing the spot where her mom was, as if she could transport herself back to that moment. She wanted nothing more than to sit next to her, to talk to her, to ask her questions. God, she had so many questions.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Do you think we should return this?"

"Well," said Jax, watching Josie's facial expressions. "I doubt they'd miss it. I think you should keep it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's your mom. It practically belongs to you."

Josie smiled at this thought.

She stuffed it to the bottom of her book bag to avoid questions, running up to her room as soon as she walked in her house and placing it carefully under her pillow, as if it was now made of glass.

"Josie!" called her father, his voice traveling through up the staircase and all the way down through the cracks under her door. She opened it a crack so she could hear better. "Are you hungry?"

"No," she called back. "I ate at the hospital!"

"Oh, okay," called her father again. "Well, what did you think? Did you like it?"

Feeling defeated, Josie finally got up and wandered over to the edge of the railing on the hallway over the stairs.

"Yes," lied Josie. "It was fun."

"You want to be a surgeon?" said her dad cheekily.

"Slow down, Daddy," replied Josie, returning his smile. "I've got time, you know."

"I know. You've got plenty of time. But you know my little princess is growing up too fast for me."

"Okay, _goodnight_ Daddy," said Josie, dragging her feet back to her room before her dad went off on an emotional spiel and started crying again. She couldn't help but wonder if he was always like this. She always pictured her mom as a crazy badass, maybe that was because of how much of a softy her dad was. But if she was, would she really fall for someone so sensitive and emotional?

She wasn't tired, but she wanted to be alone. She felt like she had a lot on her mind. As soon as she closed and locked her door, and double checked that it was locked, and listened at the door to make sure her dad was safely downstairs and out of earshot, she pulled out the wooden plaque from under her pillow.

"Hi Mom," she began softly. Her voice was so low under her breath, she was barely more than mouthing the words. "I'm not sure if this makes me crazy or not... I just... I've seen it on t.v. shows and stuff. People go to their loved one graves and talk to them and they say it helps them feel closer. I know I never knew you but I just... miss you somehow. Daddy is great, don't worry, he's the best dad in the whole world. You probably know that, though. He braids my hair and does my makeup for my dance recitals, which is next week by the way, I wish you could come and see me. I don't have a solo, but I have a duet, and I think I might get a solo next year. Also he let me squeeze his hand really hard when I asked to get my ears pierced for my eleventh birthday. So I don't want you to think I'm complaining, because I'm not. I love him, I just... I wish you were here. I wish you could see me." Josie stopped for a few minutes to compose herself, realizing suddenly that she was crying very softly and staring very hardly at the picture of her mother laughing.

"I want you to know that I feel you, all the time. Daddy says you were smart and funny and sarcastic and that you had anger issues, and every time I throw a fit he says 'you're just like your mother' and he doesn't know that sometimes I throw fits just to hear him say those words.

Daddy says you live on in me, and that scares me, because I didn't get to know you and so I don't know if I'm doing a good enough job. I'm sorry, Mommy, for being the reason you died. Daddy says it's not my fault, he's said it so many times that it makes me roll my eyes, but words are just words and pretty lies can only cover up ugly truths until the wind blows too hard and the sail gets whipped around until it's broken and torn and no use to anybody anymore. I don't want to be broken and I don't want to be torn, but how can I be whole when I never knew a whole half of who I am?

I'm sorry, Mommy, and I love you. In school someone said that everything happens for a reason but they were talking about an F on their test, not the ground being ripped out from under you before you even learned how to walk. I love you, and I miss you, and I'm right here. I'm right here thinking about you, I won't let you die. I can't, you can't, I need you. I know you're here, so I'll be here waiting."

Josie stopped to catch her breath, crying more heavily than she had let herself since she could remember. She covered her mouth with her hand, willing herself to stop, desperate to silence herself before her dad heard her downstairs. It was only making her chest heave up and down painfully.

See, what she hadn't told anyone was that she had started to see her mom everywhere. Out of the corner of her eyes and in the most random places, she'd see her mom briefly and she just knew she wasn't imagining it. It was real. She was here, she was with her, and she couldn't tell anyone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:** Okay, I know this isn't going to get a BUNCH of readers because it seems so sad in the beginning, and it's not exactly typical fanfic material with like a happy little family and stuff, but I hope it will be interesting and rewarding and it's very fun to play with these characters so, I don't know, I hope you guys give this story a chance, but I understand if you don't. I guess if you're here, you're already considering reading it, so THANKS! And thanks for reviews, and to the reviewer who read my old Jolex stories even though you aren't going to read this because it's too sad, if you do happen to see this, thanks for saying I improved, it means a lot to me. And thanks to everyone who has said it's well written, it's so uplifting to hear and I hope it will be enough to keep you pulled in long enough to see what happens.

* * *

><p>"Ow-wwwww," complained Josie, flinching and raising her hand over her tightly pulled back hair. "You're hurting."<p>

"Sorry Jos," replied her father. "I'm no good at buns. Maybe Auntie Mer can do it when she gets here."

"Are you kidding? Uncle Derek is the best at hair. I'll ask him."

"Fair enough," laughed her father. "They _should _be here any minute," he said in a tone that really said _we both know they'll be here in an hour or more._

Josie nodded and left the upstairs bathroom to the only other room in the hall with an open door, her bedroom. The walls were a fading lavender, and the corner directly opposite her bed was a white painted tree stretching across the wall's length in it's entirety, with branches unfolding on each side. Flying from the branches were white painted birds. Josie always felt a calmness from it, and that was perhaps because her mother painted it when she was pregnant. One of her favorite pictures in her father's photo albums was the one her mom took of herself with Josie's dad. The picture was in Josie's room, which was still unfinished in the background, and her dad was laughing and staring at her mom, who wore a solemnly annoyed expression and lavender paint on her nose and chin. Her dad had offered to let her get her room redone as she aged, but Josie had stubbornly refused. Her connections to her mom were far between and precious, and she would never give up one of her biggest.

Pulling her hidden stash out from her underwear drawer, she uncapped her red lipstick and smacked it across her lips. She made a few puckering sounds in the mirror, feeling like she just performed a time traveling spell and was now sixteen instead of thirteen. The only other makeup she had was a powder foundation and mascara, so she put both of them on, not feeling quite as different as she did with her lipstick.

The sound of shuffling and activity downstairs gave Josie a strong feeling her aunt and uncle were here, and the alarmingly rapid movement of footsteps told her so was her cousin Bailey.

"Hi," said Josie quickly, stepping down each stair as if they were hot lava and going to burn her feet if she took more than two seconds on each. "Uncle Derek, can you do my bun? We have to go soon, I don't have my ballet slippers, my hair isn't done..."

"Your shoes are in your bag," answered her father, providing a temporary relief to Josie's oncoming panic attack. "And what is going on all over your face?"

"It's makeup, Daddy," said Josie irritably. "It's for the recital. Uncle Derek, we're late..."

"I'll get the car loaded then," offered her Aunt Meredith, dismissing herself from the tense situation. "Bailey, let's wait in the car."

"Thanks for coming," said her father sincerely as her aunt helped him pull bags to the trunk and Josie sat on the floor in front of her uncle.

"Do you think we'd miss Josie's big duet?" said her uncle with a smile. "Zola couldn't make it unfortunately, I think she's off with her boyfriend doing some college study group session thing. She wishes you luck though, Josie, not that you need it."

"Make it really tight," Josie requested, smiling at her uncle's face when he talked about her cousin having a boyfriend. "I don't want it to fall out. I have three costume changes this year."

* * *

><p>Her stomach felt sort of like it transformed into a water bottle. In fact, everytime someone pulled her in another direction, she was sure she could not only feel, but <em>hear<em>, the water being swished around in there.

"Are you nervous?" asked Mindy, her duet partner.

"I guess," responded Josie, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.

"Don't forget," warned Mindy, "Miss Megan switched our starting sides. So I go out on the right now, and you on the left."

"_What?_ But that will throw off the whole dance! Why would she do that? Nobody told me this."

"Oh," said Mindy, as if she suddenly remembered something. "I think I was supposed to tell you."

"Mindy!"

"Sorry," she said bracingly. "I must have forgot."

When they lined up behind the stage, Josie now on the left side, she looked over at Mindy standing directly across from her, now on the right, as if to double check. She was still there, ready to go on, so she supposed Miss Megan did just expect Mindy to have told her. Mindy didn't have a reputation for being the sweetest person in the world though, so Josie was left wondering why she wouldn't have come found her herself... but, she didn't have time to think about it anymore. The music started, and Josie did her best to reverse her walk up the stage, but could feel herself looking quite awkward doing it.

To her horror, somehow Mindy had ended up behind her on the left side and was now standing beside her, where she was supposed to be, doing the dance exactly as rehearsed. It only took a few moments to process what had happened. Mindy tricked her, it was obvious, and it was obvious that she had done it because it made her look like the better dancer when everyone knew they were the top two competitors for the solo next year. Josie only had a fleeting moment to contemplate crying or punching Mindy in the face when something in the audience caught her eye.

There was no mistaking it. There she was. All the way to the left, she would have never spotted her in her original position. Her long dark hair was cut shorter, only a few inches past her shoulders, and she couldn't see her smile in the darkness, but Josie knew. It was like a flashing light going off in her brain. It was her mom, and she was there, just like Josie had wished, watching her perform. If only she wasn't doing a terribly awful job at it. She glimpsed at Mindy, now in center stage, performing their piece as if it was a solo and soaking up the hot spotlights as if they were refueling her. Without thinking, Josie ran off the stage, faintly hearing gasps behind her. It was the middle of a piece, but she didn't care. She ran off the stage then through the back rooms until she was in the darkness of the gallery's hallway. In the spot where she had seen her mom there was now only an empty chair. She stared at the empty spot and focused on her breathing in order for herself not to cry. She had been so sure; she had seen her; she was sure of it. Before Josie was able to run to the bathroom to cry out loudly, she saw the edge a shadowy figure slide through a slightly opened door in the middle of the hallway. Breaking into a sprint, she followed the figure, unsure of where it was leading.

Where the room with the stage had the spotlights, this hallway was absolutely pitch dark, and it seemed to have no ending to it. It was narrow, and as Josie's eyes adjusted to the darkness she could see the outline of old-time wallpaper with vertical stripes that started halfway from the top and continued to the bottom.

"MOM! Mom, it's me, please, don't run..." called Josie, moving as fast as her sliding ballet slippers would let her. There was a slight wind chill in the hallway, even though there seemed to be no windows or doors at all. For a moment, she could have sworn she saw her look back at her longingly after Josie had called out mom...

Finally... Josie thought, nearing a source of light... finally, the end...

She could see the figure running faster now. As she ran into the light, she could see a much clearer outline. She was thin, she had on black leggings and a black zip-up hoodie, even though Josie could see dark hair poking out of the ends of her zipped up hood. Josie suddenly felt very weak and couldn't hold it in anymore. She was crying very loudly and obnoxiously, and she was glad no one else was around to see. The end of the hallway led to a back parking lot, which was completely full of cars because of the recital. The day was as dreary and deceiving as it had been earlier. A bright sunlight that masked the freezing temperature only until you stepped outside. The coldest spring day that had been recorded in almost fifteen years, she had her father going on about this morning.

She looked around the parking lot hopelessly. She knew she lost her. It was like there was no trace of her, but Josie knew. She saw her, she _felt _her here. Josie had called out mom and she looked back. It was her, there was no doubt in Josie's mind.

"Mom," she said softly under her breath, willing her to come back. She sat there waiting for hours, until her fingers started turning blue and the hairspray in her bun turned crispy from the cold air. She sat there until a security guard found her and brought her to her father and uncle and aunt, until her father embraced her and told her how worried he was, until her aunt said knowingly "she must have been so upset about the dance, she just needed time on her own" and Josie nodded wordlessly, until she was ushered to her car with her dad's jacket draped around her shoulders and she thrashed and hit and kicked because she couldn't leave, she had to stay here, if her mom came back she had to know where to find her.

"Your mother isn't coming back," said her father, unabashedly angrier than she had ever seen him before.


	4. Chapter 4

Josie was working too robotically to care about her father's harsh tone. He didn't speak to her again for the rest of the night, but she had barely noticed, she wasn't eager to speak to him either. Her sadness had dissolved into every part of her body, it was gone, and she was filled to the brim of her soul with anger. As soon as she closed her bedroom door, she pulled her pillow off her bed and started slamming into it with her closed fists. It was not helping the way she had hoped. She kicked it and threw it against the wall, and still, she could feel steam erupting out of her. A long line of scented lotions and perfumes were stationed on her dresser, along with her hairbrush, a porcelain white piggy bank, and various useless items. Swinging her arm out, she knocked all of it off the top and pushed it on to the white carpet. Her hairbrush landed on her toe, and the brief, sharp pain seemed to only fuel her anger more. Her porcelain pig didn't just break, but shattered into an uncountable amount of tiny pieces. She was briefly paused by this extreme reaction to her action, but recuperated and turned her shock into more fury. Seething, she looked around the room, needing to break something else, but not wanting quite as big of a mess of her shattered pig. Even through her anger, she stepped around the tiny pieces as best as she could.

Sitting serenely on her bed, under where her now-smashed-in pillow once had lain, was her brown plaque, sitting on top of a ziploc baggy of all her favorite photos of her mom. She was so angry, she whipped the plaque to the other end of the bed and tore open the bag and let the contents fall onto her ruffled sheets. It took only moments for her anger to subside back into sadness.

The pictures under her pillow were so worn and well-loved that you could almost feel the longing that came from Josie's fingertips so often before. She had took them out of their bag with the intention of destroying them. If her mom didn't want her, she didn't need her, either. But as soon as she looked at the familiar memories, she was transported back to her fantasies. Her life with her mom, who she was, who she would have been. She was Jo Wilson, and she loved Josie, she knew it. But she couldn't cool down the anger that kept bubbling up, no matter how many times she tried to turn down the heat.

Eventually, she started drifting off to sleep, her pillow still smashed on the floor, her lights on, and her pictures of her mother still finding home all across her bed. She was awoken quickly by the sound of harsh screaming.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't careful..."

Josie's heart stopped immediately at the second voice.

"Yeah you weren't careful! You put your life and your daughters in danger!"

Josie tried to focus on her breathing, but she couldn't. It was out of control, she was taking in sharp, wispy breaths and trying to keep quiet. She jumped at a large shattering sound, she could almost hear the actual moment the glass broke into pieces, and instinctively she looked at where her shattered pig lay, remembering the anger she felt earlier. Was it possible... could it really have been... She would have argued to her grave an hour ago that she saw her mom at her dance recital, but now, as the idea was so close to being actually true, it suddenly seemed incredibly far-fetched.

"Alex!" the female voice called, making Josie's heart jump. She couldn't let her leave... if it was her... she was in her house... she had to meet her... had to talk to her. "I thought you had grown up!"

"I _did_ grow up, I'm the one that had to!"

"You don't think it's been a strain on me, too? Living like this?"

"That night... I thought I was never going to see you again. I held our daughter and I thought..." at this, her father's voice got so soft that Josie could no longer make out what he was saying. She was bursting inside her skin. She stood up, contemplating running downstairs. But if they heard her coming, she would run before she could see her. She obviously wasn't supposed to hear. Josie looked at the yellow old-fashioned alarm clock on her nightstand for the first time since waking up, and realized that it was almost one thirty in the morning. So they weren't expecting her to be awake, she might be able to catch them by surprise if she could get down there fast enough...

But what if her mom didn't want to see her? And what were they talking about? How was she living? Why did he think he was never going to see her again? Her mother wasn't dead. Just for safe measures, she said the words out loud.

"My mother isn't dead."

The words were unfamiliar in her mouth, but felt warm and welcoming, and for the hell of it, she tried out the words mom and mommy. She had thought the words so often, but never had to say them out loud, so it was almost like speaking a foreign language. Suddenly it was too much, and she thought she close to exploding, so without a second thought she ran out of her room and raced down the steps. The hallway was dark, and as she made her way towards the living room and kitchen, she realized it was all dark.

I'm crazy, she thought, close to tears. I'm crazy and I imagined it all. I imagined everything. I imagined seeing my mom, I imagined this conversation. I want it so bad I brought her back from the dead.

"Daddy?" said Josie, as if she wasn't sure if he was actually sitting there or he was a figment of her imagination as well.

"Hi princess," he smiled. "What are you doing up?"

"I, uh, fell asleep early," lied Josie quickly. "Why are you up?"

"Another migraine. I'll be fine."

Without thinking, Josie picked up a glass out of the cabinet and filled it from the tap. She handed him three tiny green pills, and her father took them gratefully.

"Are you going to work tomorrow?" asked Josie.

"Yes, I'm fine," insisted her father. "I just need to get some sleep."

Nodding, Josie felt a flood of disappointment and self-hatred flow through her. She was so stupid... so crazy... should she tell her father? Maybe she needed to see a professional.

She got up quickly, spilling her father's water and making him shout expletives. Josie shrunk in fear, for she had rarely ever heard her father swear so explicitly.

"I'm sorry, Jos..."

Silently, Josie hurried to the paper towels to clean up the dripping water off the table. She wanted to go to bed, she wanted to get away, to think about what was happening. She saw her mother, she heard her mother in her own house, her father was swearing over spilled water...

She threw the paper towels in the trash quickly, wouldn't have looked twice except for a reflection of the moon shining from the window over the sink. It was a piece of something sticking out of a paper bag. Something about the way the light hit it made her reach carefully into the the bag, sitting on top of all the trash. She pulled out a broken piece of glass. The entire bag was full of shattered pieces. Puzzled for only a second before she remembered what she had heard earlier, she clamped her hand over her mouth and dropped the bag back in the garbage, running up the stairs without saying another word to her father.

She didn't sleep until past five in the morning, waking up an hour later, thinking that there was not much in the world that she wanted to do less than go to a full day of school.

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><p><strong>Note:<strong> Again, thanks for reading! I just wanted to let you guys know I have a tumblr dedicated to my writing called **shelizabethwriting** where you can follow me, ask questions about my stories, request one-shots, or just talk back and forth! Thanks again for your reviews! It's such a highlight of writing...


	5. Chapter 5

The day was so dreadfully dreary that, contrasting from the artificial recessed lighting in the classroom, it looked to be in the middle of night. The rain was so loud against the windows that it sounded like a tsunami. Josie clicked her pen absentmindedly and fought her eyelids, which were getting heavier by the minute. Her cheek drifted down in the palm that was holding them up... she felt a shove on her shoulder and jerked her head up.

"Hey..."

"You were falling asleep," said Jax helpfully. "Pay attention. You're not going to copy my notes again."

"I gave you my math homework last week," defended Josie.

"But I gave you my English notes last Thursday."

"We'll even it out, please Jaxy, I didn't get any sleep last night."

"What for?"

"There's no reason to talk during this assignment!" called out Ms. Baldino, Josie and Jax's young and too strict World Civilization teacher. She was clearly just out of school, dressed in different shades of bright colored pants, and had slick straight blonde hair that stopped evenly just past her shoulders. She was the strictest teacher they had, perhaps because no one took her seriously and she was always trying to assert her authority.

"Just... things," said Josie in a harsh whisper. "It's personal."

"Personal? What is personal?"

"Leave it, Jackson! I said I don't want to talk about it."

"You didn't say that," said Jax under his breath, but turned away from her and flipped a page in the textbook rather angrily. Josie suddenly felt very angry herself that Jax was angry, when he had no idea what to be mad about. Who cares if she didn't want to share every detail of her life? She was entitled to some privacy!

They barely said another word to each other at lunch, and after that they only had math before they diverged separate ways. Josie to French and Jax to Spanish. Josie was feeling more irritated than ever throughout French, and barely heard a word of what her teacher was going on about. The weather outside was wearing on her from the windows, and Josie more than anything wanted to go home and lay in her bed safely and warmly. She walked to the front of the school towards the buses, where her and Jax both took a bus that dropped them off at the hospital. Usually Jax waited at the front door and they got on the bus together, but he was nowhere to be found. Josie figured he went on without her and was already waiting on the bus. Wishing their fight was over with already, Josie pulled her hood over head to run out in the rain.

Then she saw her. Out of the corner of her eye. She was there. Crouching behind the giant rock that sat in front of Josie's school, engraved with _Seattle Preparatory School, Gift from Class of 2004. _Ignoring her waiting bus, Josie ran without second thought to the rock. She could see the figure spot her and run around the side of the rock, but Josie was angry and determined and wasn't going to give up this time. She passed through the side of school where all the rich parents picked up their snotty kids and dived through the sea of minivans and SUVs.

"MOM!" called Josie helplessly, hoping it would make her turn around again. "Mom, stop!"

To her dismay, she didn't turn around. She was wearing the same thing, or an outfit eerily similar as last time. All black, her hair was tied loosely behind her with easy waves flowing as she ran. It looked just like Josie's hair. Out of desperation, she pulled off her backpack to throw it at her to slow her down. She held it and wound her arms back, now completely behind the building, but chickened out at the last moment and wrapped it back over her shoulders.

She was going to lose her again. And now she missed her bus. Full of despair, Josie sat in the mulch-turned-mud, letting the rain add a weight to her clothes that she already felt in her stomach. To her horror, she started crying. For the second time, she had cried over losing this woman. Obviously she was making her up, why couldn't she just accept it and stop getting her hopes up? Now she'd have to explain to her dad for sure, and he would get another migraine...

"Josie?" came a strange but familiar voice. It was like hearing yourself on a voice recording for the first time. You know who the voice belongs to, but there's something different about how you've always heard it.

Josie looked up to see the woman dressed in all black, her hair now down and wet and sticking to her face and neck like glue. Her face was covered in droplets of rain, and for a moment, Josie had the hope that hers was too and then the woman wouldn't have been able to tell she was just crying into her hands.

"Y-yes?"

"Hi," she said softly. "I'm sorry I've run from you. I was just trying to protect you. We really shouldn't talk out in the open... if you'd want to talk, we can go in my car and dry off."

Josie looked at her suspiciously. "I'm not supposed to get in the car with strangers."

The woman seemed to nod of understanding, as if she had just embraced something she really didn't want to be true. "You don't know who I am."

"No I d-do. I mean, I think I do. I just-"

"I understand. We really shouldn't have spoken anyway. I'm sorry Josie," she said, smiling when she said Josie's name. "I just wanted to let you know you aren't crazy. And I'm not going to hurt you or anything, so don't worry about that, okay?"

Josie nodded hesitantly. The woman started to walk away, but Josie called out.

"Wait... don't go," Josie said in a tone she very much hated to use. She was pleading. "Can we talk still? I mean, in your car."

Josie followed the woman to a black car that was parked in the teacher parking lot. Josie had asked why, and she was answered that it was so she would fit in more easily. It seemed like a good enough reasoning to Josie.

"I know who you are," said Josie as soon as she closed the passenger door. The heat was blasting, but blew out first a blast of cold air and made Josie shiver even more. "It just feels weird to think about it."

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

Josie nodded.

"Do you want... ask them?"

Josie shook her head.

"Okay, well..."

"Mom."

"What?" the woman asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry," said Josie quickly. "I didn't mean- I just wanted to say it out loud and see what it felt like. And you said what. It sorta felt like normal, didn't it? But uh- what _should_ I call you?"

"You can call me Jo if you want," said the woman, slightly nervously.

"Okay," nodded Josie. "Could I call you Mom if I wanted?"

"You would want to?" asked Jo, her eyes shining with the promise of tears.

Josie shrugged. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I was just wondering."

"Well, you can call me anything you want," she recovered, wiping her eyes.

"Okay."

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments, and Josie couldn't really process what was happening, until she finally broke it when she glanced at the clock.

"I missed my bus, I should probably get going or else my dad is going to be worried."

"Are you going to the hospital?"

"Yeah!"

"I can drop you off if you'd like."

"Really?"

"Sure. If it's okay with you."

"Yeah! Hey, you used to work there, right? I have a plaque in my room of you as an intern. You're laughing in the picture and wearing scrubs," said Josie, and hearing the words out loud, she started to process who she was sitting next to.

"I hated that picture!" laughed her mom. "Your dad took it actually, we had just started dating at the time and he made me laugh right before the picture was taken."

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"I just... I've wondered the story behind that picture since I got it. I can't believe it was my dad who made you laugh. I would have never guessed."

"Oh. Well, now you know. How did you get ahold of that old thing anyway? Wasn't it in the hospital?"

"Uh, well, my friend... borrowed it for me."

"Borrowed?" repeated Jo, raising her eyebrows. But Josie thought it was okay, because she was also smirking.

Josie didn't know how to reply, but felt a tingling sensation at the tips of her tongue due to her strong desire to say _something._ The ride went by too quickly, perhaps because Josie didn't want it to end. She pulled up at the back of the parking lot and locked the doors while Josie was still inside, and for a moment, Josie's heart raced with panic.

"Listen," she said seriously. "You can't tell anyone we spoke. Not even your father. I need you to do this for me. Can you?"

Josie nodded and tried to swallow the lump that was forming rather rapidly in her throat.

"Not even your father," repeated Jo. "We'll meet again if you want. Next week behind your school. If you want to do that."

Without even thinking about it for a moment, Josie nodded.

"Okay," she continued. "Next week, same day, same time. Don't tell anyone. Sorry if I scared you," she said much lighter and unlocked the doors. Josie opened her door and felt like she should hug her, should tell her she loves her and wasn't mad at her, should do something in case it's the last time she ever saw her. But awkwardly, she stepped out, thanked her for the ride, and ran inside.

"Hey, Jos, why so late?" asked Arizona, looking at a chart in the center of the peds floor.

"Hi Auntie, I missed the bus. Uh... a teacher dropped me off though. My World Civ teacher. She's really nice."

"Oh, yeah, that is really nice. Your dad's been stuck in a surgery all day so..."

"Let me guess, he's picking me up at your house when he gets out?"

Arizona smiled, ruffled Josie's hair a little, and kissed her on the top of her head before walking toward the parent trying to get her attention. Josie leaned against the nurse's station and sighed. She was actually somewhat grateful to go to her aunts house tonight. For one, she needed some time before seeing her dad to process what had just happened. And lastly, her Aunt Callie was the only other person besides her father who really knew her mother, because they worked in the same department. Her Aunt Callie was her mom's mentor in Orthopedic surgery, and the only person Josie had that could talk about her without getting a migraine or too sad or too angry. Maybe she would have some answers.

She would have to find some time to talk to Aunt Callie alone tonight...


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** Sorry, sorrry, sorry it took so long to update! Thanks for being patient. Just haven't really had the time to write and haven't had any big flashes of inspiration, so it's been low priority. Anyway, hopefully with more time on my hands I'm able to fall back into it! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and as always, reviews really help with inspiration because I know what you guys are thinking :)

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><p>"Whatcha doing?" asked Josie, standing at Sofia's door. She was sitting behind her computer, looking particularly interesting in something behind the screen.<p>

"Studying."

"Studying what?"

"Biology."

"Can I help?"

"I don't really know how you can help, Josie."

"I can quiz you."

Sofia sighed, then moved over on her bed and set her computer up to face the spot she cleared for Josie.

"Okay, just quiz me on the terms on the screen."

"Okay... hmm... define the steps of Meiosis."

"Do a different one," instructed Sofia. "I don't know that one."

"It's a flash card."

"I'm aware, but I don't know it. Do a different one."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Is it a biology question?"

"W-no. It's... about my mom."

The silence that filled up the room was just about palpable. Josie obviously left Sofia speechless, and she didn't know if she should speak again. She decided to wait, to let the silence envelop them in the emptiness of Josie's voice when she asked.

"What is it?" said Sofia finally.

"D-do you remember her?"

"Faintly, yeah. I was like four or five."

"Four or five? But you're only three years older than me. She di- left the night

was born."

"No? Maybe I'm wrong, I dunno. I remember both of your parents coming here with you. Your mom always let me hold you when you were first born. I had to sit on the couch and hold both my hands out, I remember that really well. My mama was so nervous, and my mom would tell her to relax."

"But... that means..."

"I don't know," said Sofia quickly. "I could be wrong. I really have to study now though, do you mind?"

Josie felt taken aback by Sofia's abruptness, but shook her head and walked out of her room. Her Aunt Callie was somewhere around here, and she had to find her before her dad came to get her.

To her misfortune, when she walked down the hall from Sofia's room, her dad was sitting at the kitchen counter talking to both of her aunts. For a moment her heart stopped, until she remembered that she hadn't spoken to them about her mom yet and neither of them knew anything. It felt like she was carrying around a secret. She had uncovered new information about her mother, and it felt like everyone else had found out too.

"Hi," said Josie quietly, making all their head turns from whatever deep conversation they were.

"Hey princess! What are you up to?"

"Nothing, I was just helping Sofia study for biology."

"Oh, she's crazy! Taking Advanced Biology as a sophomore. She's in a class of seniors," said Arizona, a hint of pride slipping out from under her complaint.

"A future doctor," said Alex, earning nods from both of Sofia's mothers. Josie again felt a sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought. Everyone around her wanted to be a doctor, everyone she knew, in fact, was a doctor. Jax acted like it wasn't even something worth thinking about. "Ready to go, kid?"

Josie nodded, snapping back to reality, and put her coat in while her father carried her bag.

"How was your day, munchkin?"

"Huh? What... Oh, um, it was fine."

"Is something bothering you?"

"No, Daddy," insisted Josie with her round, tired eyes. "Just a lot of homework."

Truthfully, her mind was whirling as fast as her heart was hammering.

She spent the next week completely withdrawing herself from her father and Jax, her only friend at school. She spent afternoons scribbling marks on papers that could be barely considered homework, and the rest of her night on the computer. She memorized articles like _So You Think You Can Find A Missing Person? _and hungrily drank in essays like _I found my daughter after 17 years - Don't Give Up Hope! _She searched her mom's name, Dr. Josephine Wilson, in search bars, along with Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital and came up with quite a few scholarly articles. Most of the stuff she couldn't understand, but they were written by her mom, and she felt a warmness in the connection she felt reading words her mother had strung together. Her dad would knock, or even worse, barge in, and Josie would be filled with irrational rage at him interrupting what felt like such an intimate moment. She would immediately feel bad, but he would have already have left by then, and Josie didn't feel bad enough to go and find him.

Here are the things Josie learned from her research.

Her mom never had a family of her own and somehow became homeless at age sixteen.

She was valedictorian in high school.

Her friend in her year died when she was an intern.

Her dad was her mom's boss. But she had already known that.

All these things came from articles published online. Surely she could learn more by talking to people who knew her well, and yet, it was a forbidden subject. Somehow she knew that.

"Hey munchkin," came her father's voice from the cracks of the door. He had knocked, but didn't even give Josie the time to reply before he was opening it. Anger flooded through her, too much anger for such a little offense, and she slammed her laptop shut and bit her tongue. "Still working on homework?"

"Yes, Daddy," she said with a pinched smile.

"Jos, I know something is going on with you. I don't know if it's too much pressure from school, or a boy..."

"It's nothing like that!" Josie defended quickly.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, you know."

"I don't need your help," said Josie coolly. "I can handle it."

"Well, I have tomorrow off from work. Since it's Friday anyway, maybe you can take a mental health day and we can do something fun like we used to do together, like the movies or bowling or whatever you want. You can catch up on some sleep in the morning-"

"NO!"

"No? Josie, what has gotten in to-"

"No," recovered Josie quickly. "I just mean, I can't miss school. If I'm going to get into AP BIO by next year," she lied, "then I have to bring my grade point average up."

"You're not taking a senior class your first year of high school," said Alex firmly.

"Jax is."

"Jax isn't my daughter."

Josie's anger dissolved for a few blissful moments as she erupted into giggles over the idea of Jax being her dad's daughter.

"He'd be pretty," laughed Josie, her stomach contracting with her effort to control her laughter.

"That he would," agreed Alex. The sight of his daughter fighting her laughter reminded him in so many ways of her mother. For a moment she was there with them. He tried not to flinch at the memory, but it was too late.

"Daddy, are you okay? Is your head hurting again?"

"No... no. Don't worry about me. I'm worried about you."

"I told you... I just don't want to miss school."

"You're barely been out of your room all week. I know something is going on with you. If you don't talk about it, I'm going to force a day of sleeping and movies instead of school tomorrow."

"Okay, okay" Josie said desperately, staring at her hands. "All week I've been online, looking up stuff..."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Uh... About being a doctor," she lied suddenly, then continued on with the truth. "I like painting and drawing a lot more than I like learning about cells. I just... I'm not sure I want to be a surgeon."

"Oh."

"I know I've disappointed you, but-"

"Josie-"

"And mom would probably hate me, I just-"

"Josie! You can't honestly think that?"

"What?"

"That I'd be disappointed in you for not being a surgeon? Or that your mother would have ever... ever have hated you?"

Josie shrugged.

"I'm not disappointed. You're an excellent artist, Jos, and it's not like you need to decide today. You're thirteen. You have time. And the fact that you had the courage to challenge what was expected you is the exactly thing both your mom and I would be proud of. It's what we did. Besides-"

"What you did?"

"Well, I mean, in different circumstances, of course. We were expected to be junkies our entire lives. People expected us to live out on the streets, be nobodies, not go to medical school."

"Oh, that's right," said Josie casually. "Mom... she was homeless when she was sixteen, right?"

"Yeah... how did you know that?"

"You must have mentioned it," Josie shrugged as casually as she could, then pushed further. "She... got kicked out of her foster home?" She tried her hand at a guess, hoping she could trick her dad into mentioning it.

"Listen, munchkin, I'm really tired. Do you mind if we call it a night?"

"Right. Sure. 'Night Dad," Josie clenched her teeth again. She had been so close. She pushed a little too far. She had gotten so close to more information. So close!

Well, tomorrow she would meet her mom after school.

The idea filled her with so many butterflies in her stomach that she thought she might lose her footing and start floating through the air.


	7. Chapter 7

**Note:** Two updates in a weekend to make up for my lack of updates ;-) Thanks for the reviews, which are literally keeping this story going so I don't abandon it with the stress of finals! Since I really enjoy it... thanks!

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><p>"Since I have it off today, I'll pick you up from school so you don't have to take the bus to the hospital," her dad called right before Josie closed the car door. Her heart sped up and she thought as quickly as she could.<p>

"I'm staying after school... with my art teacher. I'm working on a project."

"Oh, okay. How long will that take?"

"I dunno, at least an hour. She can bring me home..."

"No, that's ridiculous. I have the day off! I'll pick you up at... 3:30? That gives you an hour and a half? Is that good?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Don't rush. You can be late."

Her dad laughed and agreed, and Josie felt a sinking feeling at the idea of a limit on her time with her mother.

Throughout the day she began to worry about all different scenarios. What if her mom didn't show up? What if she had imagined the whole thing? What if she got the time and date wrong? What if her father caught her?

By the end of the day, she almost backed out and called her dad to pick her up at 2, but she trudged on, determined to talk the only person who could give her answers.

The black, four-door sedan wasn't hard to spot. For one, it was in the same parking spot. And two, it was the only car in the suburbs with tinted windows.

"I'm _really_ not supposed to get in the car with strangers," said Josie, closing the door as she climbed in the passenger seat. She looked over, and with the shock of who she was looking at worn considerably down from last week, she actually started to realize it was her mom, in living, breathing flesh. She was still wearing black leggings, but this time her oversized black hoodie was replaced with a well-fitted black top. She looked exactly like the pictures of her as an intern, except her cheeks were a little too hollow and her eyes a little too dark.

"Not a follower of rules, then. I can add that to my list of things I know about you," said Jo lightly, but it made Josie's heart catch.

"You have a list?"

"I was- I was speaking hypothetically. Like a list in my mind," explained Jo with traces of sympathy in her voice for mentioning it.

"Oh. Right. Well, I was afraid you weren't going to come," Josie admitted.

"We made a plan."

"No offense," she said sarcastically. "But you aren't exactly ol' reliable."

"I promise," said Jo trying to hide a sadness behind her daughter's words. "I always keep my word."

Josie nodded solemnly. "Well, I only have until 3:30. My dad has today off, and he _insists_ on picking me up. He thinks I'm working too hard in school."

"Well... are you?"

Josie shrugged. "Not really."

"That's good."

Josie nodded in response and pushed her lips from side to side. They sat in an awkward silence, and Josie hated herself for wasting moments.

"Can I ask you a question?" Josie said suddenly.

"Sure, anything."

"When did you know you wanted to be a doctor?"

At the question, Jo let out a sharp laugh, and Josie blushed, feeling like she had said something stupid.

"Why are you laughing?"

"It's not you," said Jo, still smiling. "I mean, it is you. That's not the question I was expecting. _You're_ not exactly what I was expecting."

"Well, is that a good or a bad thing?"

Jo waited for a few moments before replying. "Your dad... he did a really, really good job with you."

Josie's cheeks filled with heat and color again as quickly as they had lost it only moments before.

"You didn't answer my question," she said, feeling suddenly shy.

"Right. When I wanted to know I wanted to be a doctor. I guess I kind of always knew I wanted to make a difference, but it wasn't until I moved out on my own, you know, lived in my car, until I started really working for it."

"You lived in your car?!"

"I moved into it when I was sixteen. I lived there for two years, until college."

"So you didn't get kicked out..." muttered Josie, to only herself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Jo nodded slyly at Josie's hushed tone. "Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing," Josie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I have another question."

"Shoot," said Jo, still smiley.

"Why did you leave me?"

"There it is," whispered Jo. Her face fell. She looked thoughtful and serious and sort of angry. Her forehead wrinkled into line after line, as if she was working really hard on figuring out a physics problem.

"You know I used to hate the name Josephine."

"Thanks," said Josie dryly, making Jo laugh.

"Before you."

"Now you don't?"

Jo shook her head. "Now I don't."

"You're really not very good at answering questions," Josie observed.

"Sorry, sorry, I know. To be fair though, it _was_ a big one."

Josie blinked at her blankly. She didn't know how to reply, so, she decided on her method of waiting it out.

"There's too much to explain," her mother started, interrupted by a loud, tangible sigh from Josie. "I know, I know. I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times."

"A million," said Josie in a crotchety tone, crossing her arms over her chest. She felt like a tiny child throwing a tantrum, which made her angrier.

"I'm sorry, Jos-"

"What did you say?"

"I said I'm sorry, because I can't-"

"You said Jos. Only Daddy calls me that."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's fine," said Josie softly, letting her crossed arms untangle and fall to her sides. Her fingers suddenly felt cold, now free of their tight wound against her arms. The feeling stuck, and her whole body shook in a quick, violent shiver.

"I can turn the heat up."

"I'm fine."

Her mother ignored her and pressed a button several times until the sound of air being pushed through the vents pressed up against her ears. It immediately warmed her.

"Thanks," she muttered, smiling as a thank you.

"Josie, I wanted to meet you because I do want you to understand."

"Really? Because if you wanted me to understand, you would tell me. You're just like everyone else! You keep secrets and you lie and you treat me like a little kid! You're no better than everyone else who's lied to me!"

"That's not exactly fair..."

"Not fair?!" Josie bellowed. "You're my mother! You were supposed to be here! You were supposed to braid my hair and cheer me on at soccer games like all the other moms! You were supposed to hold my hand and wipe my tears when I cried like the moms on t.v. Daddy waited at the outside of the store when I had to get my first bra! I had to go in all by myself. Did you think I didn't need you here?" Josie's voice shook, and even with the warm vents, she felt cold all over. Tears were spilling down her cheeks, but she could barely feel them. Her voice was quiet, but the words she repeated were piercing. "Did you think I didn't need you?"

"No, Josie," she said, clearing the tears off her cheeks. "It wasn't like that. I've thought about you every single day of your life."

"Then why are you just coming back now?" Josie spat. "If you've thought about me so much?"

"You were never supposed to find me. I've been following you for almost twelve years, watching you, making sure you were okay. I should have known you'd find me... you've always been so smart. Like in third grade, you won that essay contest."

"You remember that?" asked Josie in disbelief, not even stopping to think it weird that she knew something about her childhood.

"I remember everything about you," said Jo softly. "Every little thing."

"Daddy told me you were dead. He said you died the night I was born. But you said you've been following me for almost twelve years. I'm thirteen and a quarter. That means either you were missing for a year, or you didn't leave until after I was one."

"I'm sorry, Josie, I've told you too much already, I can't-"

"No! You can't stop now! Do you care about me at all?"

"I would give up the world for you."

"Then tell me! Be honest with me!"

"I'm so sorry," the breaking of Jo's voice mirrored what felt like was happening inside her chest. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could explain it all to you, I wish I could tell you every little thing and we could drive off together and be a family. I wish this didn't have to happen. None of it was your fault, you have to know that. I wish I could tell you more."

"These stupid brown eyes... that's all you ever gave to me," Josie scorned, becoming aware enough of her own tears enough to wipe them away. "Everyone says they look exactly like yours." She opened the door and yanked her arm free when her mom tried to stop her by pulling her back.

"Please wait, Josie!" Jo called, reaching for her arm again.

"Just stay away from me! You never wanted anything to do with me before, so why change now? If you really do love me, just stay away!"

Josie slammed the door behind her, full of so much anger it felt like it was boiling inside of her. Her teeth chattered and her tunnel vision made her stare at the ground, unable to see anything in front of her. She wasn't even aware of the time. She had never felt so awful. Every inch of her felt exposed. She had dreamed of being with her mother her entire life. She had elaborate stories of her mom somehow being alive still but having to leave for a super secret spy mission and spending her entire life trying to find Josie. Never did she imagine her mother was that close but never spoke to her. Josie felt sick, and feeling moments away from vomiting all over the parking lot, looked up for the first time to find a spot. At first she didn't register who she was looking at, but once she did, she felt even sicker. Leaning against the car he had been driving since Josie was four was her father, with his arms crossed and a serious face. She didn't even think about explaining it, she ran into him as fast as she could and only briefly did she catch a sight of his arms opening before she crashed into them.

Pressed up against him, she heard her mother's voice muffled from behind her. It was a much different tone than she had been talking to her in.

"Hi, Alex."

She felt her dad's grip around her tighten.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jo, what are you doing here? You're putting us all in danger. You're going to get yourself killed."

"She found me, Alex. She ran after me," Jo explained, as if this was enough information.

"That's not enough!" Alex bellowed.

"Alex, please!"

"Daddy?" said Josie softly.

As if he was just now noticing his young daughter, he stopped and looked at her. Her hair was knotted and her eyes were red, and at that moment he realized she simultaneously looked wise beyond her age and younger than she had in years.

"Wait for me in the car, princess," instructed Alex, trying to soften his voice. It was still hard around the edges, and Alex couldn't disguise the red in his face.

Josie shook her head, though she wasn't very confident in herself. When her dad repeated himself, clarifying that it wasn't a request, Josie obeyed and scooted into the passenger side of her dad's car. She made a scene of slamming the door shut, then carefully and slowly opened it a tiny crack to hear before her dad locked it and the alarm was set on.

"Are you crazy? Tell me, have you completely lost it?" yelled Alex, seemingly have been holding back when he thought Josie was listening. "You want to die? This is your sick attempt to get yourself killed?"

"Alex, she followed me! I tried to run away, it was raining, and she was crying. She called out mom," Jo danced around the word delicately, as if it was sacred. "She knew it was me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not have been seen in the first place! You spying on her was never part of the deal, Jo, you knew that. That wasn't part of the plan."

"And you knew that I wouldn't be able stay away. Would you have been able to?"

"I wouldn't have been- it doesn't matter, Jo."

"No, Alex, say what you were going to say," she dared him with narrowed eyes and a thin line for a mouth. "You don't think you would have been in the position I was thirteen years ago."

"I didn't say that."

"No, you just thought it."

"You have no idea what I'm thinking. You haven't known for years."

"Alex, please! Listen to me!"

"If you want to endanger your life, go ahead, but you're not going to endanger my daughter's in the crossfire," spat Alex.

"Why won't you listen?" Jo hissed. "There's no danger. The only danger is you."

"Me?"

Jo looked past Alex to look at Josie sitting in the passenger seat watching her with wide eyes, and knew without a doubt she could hear them. Josie looked away instantly and Jo decided not to say anything about it. She felt something pull inside her and pushed the wispy hairs out of her face before speaking.

"He's dead," said Jo solemnly.

"What?"

"He died two years ago. She came forward out of guilt after his death. She's in prison. Life without parole."

"Why didn't you... why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was afraid of how you'd react. I didn't want to confuse her, I didn't know if I would make things worse or better, so I thought it would be better if I just stayed away."

"Better? How could you possibly think that would be better? How could you think either of us could be even half as good without you?"

"Alex," Jo murmured, reaching her hand out to trace his arm. It was, she realized, the first time she had touched him years. The first time she had felt the heat fly off him, the weight of him underneath her touch, the comfort of his being. She felt it from her fingertips all the way up her arm. "Alex, I'm so sorry. I was scared."

"What happened... what happened to-"

"James."

"What happened to James then?" corrected Alex. "Just tell me it all."

"Alex, I'm so sorry," cried Jo, falling as the memory bubbled out of her. Her eyes glossed, and her mind time traveled back to twelve years ago. By the time she could continue speaking, she was blubbering through sobs. "I'm so sorry," she cried softly, but her tears were heavy, until finally Alex was holding her and Jo was staining his shirt with the salt water from her eyes, leaving their mark, leaving her mark. "It was my fault."

"He didn't make it." Alex said it, even though he already knew.

"I'm so sorry Alex," Jo gave a wet sounding sniff and wiped her nose, looking up at him. "It was my job to protect him and I couldn't- I couldn't do it. I failed."

"It wasn't your fault," said Alex firmly. His tone matched the way he held Jo's arms, keeping her steady and balanced, as if keeping her together kept the world together. "Do you hear me? It _wasn't._"

"You don't know how awful it's been," Jo started. Her chest heaved while she tried to regain her breath and composure, as if it was reminding her that the time she just spent crying was real and she couldn't get away that easy. "I mean, at first, because of James. And because of... you know. But the past three years, when I heard he was dead, all I could think was Josie. I've wasted so much time, Alex. I want to get to know her, I want to be a part of her life. But I'm afraid it's too late. I've missed too much. She hates me, Alex. She told me."

"She doesn't hate you."

"You didn't hear what she said to me."

"She's angry and she's confused."

At this point, Josie felt a surge of anger course through her at them talking about her like they understood her, so she slammed the cracked open door shut to let them she had been listening all this time. Alex turned immediately, Jo glanced over knowingly. Alex shook his head, clearly more disappointed than anything.

"I'm sorry," Alex started to apologize, "I taught her better than that. She knows better than to eavesdrop."

"Don't be so hard on her," said Jo, smiling. "Look at her parents."

"Right. Two screw-ups."

"Hey," said Jo. "You did pretty good for yourself. You stepped up for her. I can't thank you enough for that."

"I'll talk to her. About getting to know you. I know she wants to, she's just scared. It's a complicated situation. I didn't think you would survive that, I thought you were as good as dead. I've been telling Josie you died. For you to be here all of a sudden... well, it's confusing for anyone. Nevermind a thirteen year old with crazy teenage hormones."

"Right," Jo nodded uncertainly. "What if she's not ever interested?"

"She will be."

"You act so sure of yourself."

"Because I am."

Jo spoke quietly. "That's something I've missed about you."

"I never thought I would see you again," breathed Alex. His breath was hot and harsh and Jo wanted to bottle it up so she would never have to be without at least a piece of his soul ever again. She closed her eyes and moved backwards, unsure of how closer she could be without intertwining herself with him.

"I'll give you my number and my address and all my contact information. For when you talk to her."

"Where are you staying?"

"I have a small two bedroom apartment less than two miles from you."

"You've been this close... for this long..."

"I'm so sorry, Alex," Jo repeated.

Alex rolled his shoulders and regained himself to clarify. "He died two years ago?"

"Yes," said Jo quietly.

"How did he die?"

Jo pressed her lips together so tightly they turned white, and for a brief moment they had matched the colorless look of her face.

"He was stabbed in his home."

Alex looked like he was going to press her for more information, but he glanced back to watch Josie staring out the passenger window, away from them, with buds in her ears to listen to music that was probably way too loud in his opinion. She looked innocent, thoughtful, naive. All of those things suddenly seemed incredibly important to protect.

"I'll call you," promised Alex. "She'll come around."


	9. Chapter 9

**Note:** Hi guys, I just finished finals, which is very exciting. On the other hand, I had a pretty upsetting day regarding my writing, feeling kind of down about it, so reviews would REALLY give me some smiles when I really need it. So if you leave a review, just know I'm really appreciating you.

Anyway other than that, enjoy. Unraveling this story is quite fun. I hope you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it. If you have predictions or guesses, I always love those!

* * *

><p>Her bedroom mirrored how she felt. It was torn apart, completely, and the main attraction of her self-made tornado were the photographs of her mother. Her favorite one, of her mom laughing with a giant belly, had stained blotches where Josie's tears had fallen. The plaque, her most recent addition to her collection, had knocked a chunk out of her wooden bureau when she threw it as hard she could, hoping it would take some of her anger with it. She was punching pillows, feeling only sweatier and angrier than before. It was a disastrous feeling to lose control of yourself. She cried more over her inability to calm herself than what she had even been angry about. It felt hopeless and exhausting. There was nothing more tiring than being filled with anger.<p>

"Josie," said her father, opening the door without her permission. Normally she would fill with rage over this, but she wasn't angry this time. In fact, she welcomed the company. She needed someone to understand how truly _angry _she was. "We need to talk."

"I'm not going to talk about her! I don't want anything to do with her!"

"Jos, I know this must be confusing for you. I know you feel betrayed..."

"Betrayed? You want to talk betrayed? How about my father lying to me for my entire life? You told me she was _dead._ You let me believe she was dead!"

"I was doing what was best for you." Alex's voice was calm and all-knowing, and it made Josie unconsciously curl her firsts.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS BEST FOR ME! IT WASN'T YOUR CALL TO MAKE!"

"I'm your father. You can say whatever you want about it, Jos, but you can't say it wasn't my call. I had to make a decision for you. I didn't think she would be able to come back, princess. If I thought there was any hope... even a shred of hope..."

"Dad?" Josie asked, significantly calmer, because of her dad's drifting tone. He was staring blankly at the wall, looking like he had separated from his body.

"What- oh, yeah. Josie, I thought was making the best call for you. I know you may need some time, but you should know... it wasn't your mother's fault. Everything she did... she did it to protect you."

"How could she protect me if she wasn't here?" Josie's voice was smaller, speaking through gritted teeth, but holding just as much resentment and twice as much heartbreak than when she had been yelling.

"I know you have a lot of questions," said Alex, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "I know you feel betrayed. I know what it feels like when a parent-"

"You don't know how I feel," Josie snapped, standing up and stepping away from him. "She grew up without a mother?"

For a response, Alex only nodded sadly.

"Then," said Josie, tilting her head up to keep the tears from falling out. "There is nothing she can say that would make what she did excusable."

Alex didn't know what else he could say to her. He stood up and left, then came back with a broom and dustpan for the shattered pictures. He left it leaning against her wall silently. Josie was staring at the opposite wall, her arms crossed, as if she were to leave her chest exposed, her heart would be ripped away from her. She wasn't sure how long she sat like that, feeling completely in frozen in time, but eventually her dad reappeared.

"I made macaroni and cheese," he smiled. Josie, feeling frozen, made no move to respond. "I know you don't think I know how you feel. I know it's a teenager thing and you're going through some kind of hormonal imbalance and this is a terrible time for something like this to happen to you. But at least give what I have to say a chance."

Josie turned her head slowly, agreeing, as if it was on some type of rusty hinge.

"I know you're angry with her, and with me, but don't you at least want some answers? Don't you at least deserve that?"

Josie shrugged.

"All I'm saying is that I think it's worth it to at least talk to her. Even if you never want to do it again after that. You can ask her whatever you want. Then at least you can understand why this all had to happen."

Josie looked defeated. She kept a scowl on her face and shrugged again. This time, when she faced her father, her gaze softened.

"I'll talk to her once. That's it."

"Just once," her father nodded in agreement. "How about tomorrow morning? We can all meet for breakfast. I can call her tonight, or you can, if you want."

"You can," Josie said gruffly. She did want answers, but she was still too angry to fathom speaking to her. She figured she would have to get over it eventually, and that eventually meant tomorrow, but that was still an entire night for her to prepare.

When her dad left her alone, Josie fell asleep almost instantly. When she woke up the next morning, she was still in her clothes from the day before, and her eyes were heavy with grogginess. She had a little bit of a background headache, one that wasn't really hurting but just kept reminding Josie it was there and could come out full force if she had any sudden movements or was around any loud noises. She decided to shower to feel better, and even though this was her third time meeting her mom, it felt more formal this time, and she felt like she needed to impress her. She wanted to make a statement, like, look at me mom, look how great I've been without you.

"Josie, let's go, we're going to be late!"

"Hold on," yelled Josie through her door. She would have to be as quick as she had ever been. She wished she had woken up earlier and had more time to do her hair and makeup, but supposed it was a good thing, because she had no idea how to put on makeup and usually when she tried she looked like a clown, even to her.

By the time she was blow drying her hair, she could hear her father coming up the steps, so she shut it off and opened the door right as he stepped in front of it.

"Ready!" said Josie, giving her best smile. Her dad turned and sighed and Josie followed him towards the front.

"Jos, I just want to tell you that you don't have to do this if you're not ready. I know it seemed like I was trying to talk you into it, but I don't want you to do anything if you don't feel ready. It's not a crime to need more time."

"I know, Daddy. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Josie nodded, even though she wasn't entirely sure. She did know that backing out now seemed like a chicken move.

She tried to give herself a pep talk in the backseat of the car, but it was hard to go unnoticed, because she kept catching herself mouthing the words she was saying to herself. _You'll be okay, Josie. She doesn't mean anything to you. You're just fine without her._ She didn't even notice when the car stopped in front of a tiny diner that looked like it could be driven away easily on the back of a truck.

"This is where we're eating?"

"You love it here."

"I've never been here."

"We used to come here all the time when you were little."

"Oh, well, I don't remember," said Josie, closing the car door behind her.

"You were little," Alex excused. They both looked around the tiny space for sight of Jo, but there was only one other person in the restaurant, and he was a balding older man sipping coffee at the counter. "She'll be here soon," Alex insisted.

When Josie started complaining that she was starving, and still there was no sight of Jo, Alex caved and decided to order. He stared out the window everytime he thought he heard any noise at all, which led to a distracted breakfast.

"So, Daddy, guess what?"

"What?" said Alex, trying to focus on his daughter, and clearly failing to give his undivided attention.

"I've got a boyfriend and we started doing drugs together and he wants me to move in with him, but I've told him it would be easier if he just moved in with us, don't you agree? Daddy?"

"Huh? Sure, princess."

"_Daddy!"_

"What Josie?"

"She's not coming, just forget it. You're not listening to anything I'm saying. I'm going to be in an art show at school. My art teacher submitted my artwork, she says I have natural talent she's never seen before."

"Huh? No kidding, Jos! That's amazing! When's the show? Can I come?"

"If you want," Josie shrugged behind a smile. "It's not until next month. She says if I want I can submit another piece that I choose, she really wants to show off more of my work. And I got an A on my last history test."

"You are too smart, kid. Smarter than I ever was."

"Daddy," Josie blushed. "You're a doctor. That means you're the smartest there is."

"That's not true at all. Intelligence comes in all different forms. And most of them can't be measured in school exams."

Josie blushed and stuck her fork into a hash brown on her plate. She didn't particularly like them, but she didn't want to be done eating yet, because that meant breakfast was over and her mother never came. She tried to slow it down as much as she could.

Her dad told the waiter that they were ready for the check, and Josie could feel her heart in her throat, but she swallowed it down and put on the bravest face she had.

"Princess, I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault," said Josie stiffly. "I don't blame you for any of this," she relieved him and looked up at him to make sure he understood. He ruffled her hair, and Josie smoothed it down into it's part after she buckled herself into the seat.

"Where are we?" asked Josie, staring at her surroundings.

"I have to make a quick spot. I'll be really quick," Alex promised. "Stay in the car."

He jogged up the stairs to the third floor, just like she told him, and stepped in front of apartment 13C. He knocked on the door, then banged.

"If you're in there, you have a lot of explaining to do." _Bang bang bang. _"You know, it really takes a coward to leave a little girl hanging like that!" _Bang bang bang. _"Open up, I know you're here, Jo!" _Bang bang bang. _Alex jammed his shoulder into the door, only to find out that it was open. He rubbed his shoulder in repair, then stopped.

Alex's heart stopped at the sight in front of him. It was like no time at all had passed. His mind was in the same place he was twelve years ago.

"_Jo! Jo, wake up, who did this to you? Jo!" Alex was pleading and screaming while shaking her in his arms. Her pulse was weak, but there, and he fumbled for his phone to dial 9-1-1._

"_The baby..."_

"_Jo!" Alex lost all attention to focus on where the sound came from._

"_The baby..." repeated Jo. "Where is she? Where is-"_

"_She's here, Jo, she's fine! Help is on the way, just hold on for me. You have to hold on."_

"_No, Alex, take her away. Bring her to Dr. Robbins or Dr. Grey... please, do this for me. Don't ask questions, just take her."  
><em>"_You're crazy. I'm not leaving you."_

"_He found me," said Jo through labored breathing. "It's only a matter of time until he finds out she's alive too. You have to keep her safe."_

"_And what about you?"_

_Jo seemed to find a second wave of strength as she spoke. "What's the one thing I always say to her?"_

"_I don't know, Jo, I don't remember!"_

_Jo smiled. "That I would give up the world for her."_

"_This doesn't count! Our plan will still work, we can still get out of here. What about-"_

"_Alex, please. Please take her away, keep her safe. I'm begging you."_

"_What are you going to do?"_

"_I'm going to keep them looking for me."_


	10. Chapter 10

"Jo! Jo! Wake up, _wake up!_ You can't do this to me, not again!" Alex stumbled through his pocket, pulling out loose coins, old gum wrappers, his car keys, and all sorts of lint. He threw it across the room like it was fire. When he finally grasped his cell phone, placed in his back pocket, the first number he dialed was Meredith.

"Alex, can I call you back? Bailey is giving us trouble, he wants to go away for the weekend with some friends with no adult supervision...No Derek, I already put them in the dryer! Sorry, Alex?"

"Mer, Jo is hurt! She's hurt badly!"

"What? Did you call the ambulance? Jo? She came back?"

"No I didn't, okay, I'm going to do that. I have to hang up now."

"Where are you now? I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?"

Alex nodded and hung up, the thought briefly crossing his mind that she couldn't see his nod, but it dissolved quickly in unimportance while he was dialing the emergency number.

"Stay with me, Jo, do you hear me? Listen to my voice. Stay with me..."

"_You're not Alex," said Jo lightly, instinctively pulling her shirt down over her protruding belly. She had to crane her neck to see to the side of it, because at eight months along, when she was lying down, she couldn't see anything else._

"_I know, he apologizes profusely," explained Steph. "I was scrubbed in too and he made me come find you. Not that I wouldn't want to!" she quickly saved herself. "I want to see how my little niece or nephew is doing, of course..."_

"_Let me guess, he's saving a baby's life right now."_

"_Repairing the mitral valve," said Steph knowingly._

"_It's hard to be mad at him for that," joked Jo, blowing a piece of hair out of her mouth. "Go. Tell Alex I said it was okay."_

_Steph reached for Jo's hand. "No way! I'm staying here with you. Plus the incident with your doctor last week. Out of nowhere! I'm not going to leave you alone your first visit with a new doctor. What if they're crazy?"_

_Jo laughed. "I'll be fine. I'm serious. Tell Alex it was an order. Go scrub in on that surgery. Besides, I'll still make sure you can't peek at the monitor if you stay. If we have to wait to find out the gender, so do you!"_

"_Okay, okay! Are you sure, Jo? I really don't mind staying here with you."_

"_I think I'll make it. Plus I'm eight months along. I'll be back here in like a week anyway. Alex has plenty of visits to make it up with. Go. I'm serious."_

_Steph squeezed Jo's hand as a thank-you and scurried back towards the operating room. Jo smiled and traced her hand over her stomach. Everyone kept yelling at her to take it easy, but she missed the adrenaline of a good surgery. She missed the buzz in her fingertips and the sound of her own heart beating in rhythm with her thoughts while she was under pressure. She missed the high of surgery, but every time she thought it she felt a twinge of guilt. She was sure her baby could feel it when she wished she could get back in the OR and would think that she would choose surgery over him or her._

"_I promise it will always be you," Jo whispered towards her stomach, a sign of good faith._

"_There are studies that show your baby can actually hear you when you talk," came a voice from the doorway, making Jo jump and grab the edge of the hospital bed she was lying on. The paper she was lying on ruffled beneath her. She closed her eyes when she saw who it was, then opened them again._

"_Jason? I thought you transferred hospitals. I thought you were working in Oregon now."_

"_I was. I transferred back last week when the news came of the awful tragedy that happened to your ob-gyn."_

_Jo scrunched her eyebrows. "Well, no offense, but I think I'll be more comfortable with a different doctor."_

"_I heard about you," said Jason, ignoring her. "I didn't think it was true. I didn't think you were so dirty, so repulsive. To have let it happen. But here you are. Pregnant. With his kid."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Mom and Dad want it. I promised I'd bring it to them."_

"_Mom and Dad? Jason, you're really freaking me out." Jo reached for the small red button at the top of her head, but Jason grabbed her wrist. She didn't even have time to react when Jason stabbed a needle into the vein on her arm._

"_WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? HELP, SOMEONE HELP!" Jo was trying to waddle off the bed, but she was easily overpowered. "Why would you want to hurt my baby?"_

"_Hurt?! No, I would never hurt her! I've been following up on your medical charts for months."_

"_Her," Jo repeated Jason's choice of pronoun softly. A sharp burst of pain shot through her abdomen. "You gave me Picotin. To induce my labor? But why?"_

"_I have to bring her back to them," said Jason robotically._

"_Is everything okay in here?" a nurse poked her head in the door quizzically._

"_Fine," answered Jason._

"_No! He induced my labor about 15 minutes ago, I just felt my first contraction. He... needs... to be arrested." Jo's breath was labored in between the bursts she felt in her stomach. At this statement, Jason began running, pushing the nurse out of the way. Jo saw a few doctors and hospital workers begin to chase him, but her attention was directed to her own pain. The nurse was sitting her in a wheelchair and bringing her to a delivery room, instructing her to breathe._

"_He... can't...get...away..."_

"_They're going to get him. You worry about yourself and your baby right now!"_

"_Alex... get Alex... surgery... Page Alex..."_

"Daddy! Daddy, what's happening? What happened?"

"Josie, I'll explain it on the way, just get back in the car. We have to go to the hospital."

"Not until you tell me what's happened!" Josie yelled, planting her feet into the dirt path their car was parked on outside of Jo's apartment.

"GET IN THE DAMN CAR, HEATHER ARIZONA!"

Josie shrunk at the anger expelling from her father. Once else in her life had he ever called her Heather Arizona, and that was when she was eight and playing at the hospital and had cut her arm with a scalpel. He had gotten the operating room technician fired for leaving it out and tried to get the nurse that took her to the OR suspended, even when Josie insisted it was her fault. He had screamed at her and asked her how many times he had told her not to play with hospital equipment. At the time Josie didn't understand why it was a big deal, because she had only needed one measly band-aid, but now she knew how close she was to the major artery in her wrist. She could have died. She just wanted to know what it felt like. Being a surgeon. Feeling the rush in her fingertips like her mom had.

"Daddy," Josie said quietly, while Alex was flooring the vehicle. "You're scaring me."

"Yeah, well, I'm scared too," said Alex coldly, then added as an afterthought, "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Jos. Someone hurt your mother. That's why she didn't come to breakfast today."

"Someone hurt her?"

"Yes."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I really hope so, Jos. I don't want to lose her again. I just got her back."

Josie looked her father up and down, then reached her hand and laid it over her father's, which was clutching the gear shift with a death hot grip. "You mean we, Daddy. _We_ just got her back."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Warning:**_This chapter has speculation about Jo's past and references abuse. Do not continue reading if that is somehow triggering for you or if you don't like speculation and fictional takes on the characters' lives. But if you're not into AU, you've gotten pretty far into a story of one. There _will be_ _more_ fictionalized aspects written about Jo's past throughout the future of this story.

Also side note: I truly truly truly love when in your reviews you guys leave the questions you still have. Here's a little secret: it makes me a better writer. So thank you thank you thank you!

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><p>The walls of the hospital were talking. They were sharing secrets, and she once was a part of it. Now she was a stranger, an intruder. She was who they were whispering about.<p>

"Heart rate is dropping!"

"Push 50 cc's!"

Tell me your secrets... tell me where you buried the bones... Tell me what you're so

afraid of sharing.

_Jo woke up the same way she always had. Uncomfortable and cold. The puke colored blanket was scratchy and useless. Her softest blanket, a pink and white checkered one that she was found in, she had outgrown many years before. At sixteen, Jo felt a mix between wanting a family and wanting to escape it all and finally be independent. _

_The closest she had ever had to a family was when she was nine. She had lived with them for seven months. Jo had started taking karate lessons, and when they were picking her up from her last performance before her first tournament, a sleeping truck driver hit them head on. Her social worker ended up picking her up hours later. Jo had decided then that her last chance at a family was over. She had one chance, and she blew it by having to take those stupid lessons. _

_So what her foster parents were doing now, she didn't fight. Sometimes she would think about it, think about telling her social worker, but then she would think of the Wilson's and what their final thought was before they were hit. She deserved it. When they would go days without letting her eat, or keep her in the musty closet in the basement if she "cheated" on him, she deserved it. _

"_Josephine, come here please," her foster mother's voice was sour, so much so that Jo was sure if they kept milk in the house it would curdle every time the woman the spoke._

_Jo stood in front of them, her head bowed._

"_My favorite mug shattered into pieces," her mother said coldly._

"_I'm sorry, I don't-"_

"_Don't talk when you're mother is speaking!"_

"_YOU LEFT IT OUT!" yelled her mother. "I knocked it off the counter when it shouldn't have been there! What the hell were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?"_

"_I didn't!"_

"_SHUT UP! You ungrateful brat. We put a roof over your head, keep you well-fed, put you in school, and you can't even clean up properly? This is how you repay us?"_

"_I swear, I didn't leave it-"_

"_I told you to shut up!" _

_Jo quieted and kept her head facing the floor. When the heavy-set, balding man yelled at her to look at him, she barely registered the hot burn his hand inflicted upon her cheek. _

"_Go downstairs!" He yelled._

"_Please," said Jo. "I can't miss more school, my teachers are getting suspicious, they said if I miss any more school they'll call the house."_

"_YOU BETTER HOPE TO HELL THEY DON'T!" Another hit sent Jo spiraling towards the floor. She barely got up enough on her knees to crawl to the basement door, feeling both of them hot on her heels. She knew if she stopped for even a second, she would be kicked or shoved or somehow forced down the stairs. The last time she had been shoved down the stairs, she was sure her head was nearly cracked open. She had started to learn how to repair her own injuries. Someday she could see herself be a doctor so she could repair them properly. If she ever got out of here, she promised herself she would go to medical school. She had saved up almost a thousand dollars towards it._

"_Next time, you can clean up the way you're supposed to," her mom said before her foster father slammed the door loudly enough to make Jo duck her head in fear. She had started to hate the sound of her own name because of what it meant. She demanded everyone at school only call her Jo now._

_Her stomach rumbled, and Jo tried to guess how long until her foster mother let her out. Usually she was the one who finally caved, and Jo would hear them late at night fighting over it. She would say things like they can't let another one go down there, they can't afford to lose the money, and she would call him baby a million times. One time Jo tried to count how many times she said "baby, please... shhh, baby, it's okay, baby please, calm down," but she lost interest when she passed a hundred._

_The corner was the best spot for sleeping. It had the least draft from the tiny basement window. The floor was cold and hard, but her body adjusted after a little while._

_She was woken up by the creaking of the steps on the staircase. She saw the oversized pink fuzzy slippers before letting her eyes travel up to see her foster mother's contorted face, a mug of hot coffee in her hand._

"_Go," she whispered harshly. "Go to school."_

"_W-what?" Jo said sleepily._

"_Go to school," she whispered angrily. "Hurry up, before he wakes up. I don't want to deal with them calling over you missing another day, so go. Hurry up."_

_Jo didn't need further explanation. She fought the urge to run up the stairs and out of the house and walked slowly towards her room, careful not to make a sound. With the looming presence of her foster mother waiting outside her room, Jo changed her outfit quickly and emptied everything out of her school bag save for a single notebook and a few pens. She stuffed it with her pink and white blanket and as many clothes and personal belongings she could fit into it while it would still zipper. Nervously, she slipped past her foster mother, careful not to make eye contact. She wasn't sure if she should say bye or thank-you, but she was silent as she closed the front door for the last time._

_She went to school, feeling a wave of calmness wash over her every so often when she thought about her plans. She was free, finally. She never had to go back there. The idea was exhilarating. She could really just focus on school now._

"_Hey, Cass?" Jo said to the eleventh grader one year ahead of her. Jo was the only sophomore in her math class._

"_Yeah?"_

"_SHHHH!"_

"_I was just wondering," said Jo, much quieter, checking to see if their teacher was still paying attention. "Sorry for eavesdropping, but I heard you talking last week about your brother selling his old car since he's leaving for college this year..."_

"_Oh yeah! He is. My parents bought it for him, it was his first car though so it's really old. Why? Are you interested?"_

"_Uh, yeah, I think so. How much do you think he's selling it for?"_

"_I'm pretty sure he's asking like 800, but I'm sure I could get him down to at least 750."_

"_Okay," nodded Jo. "Could I come by after school? I can pay in cash."_

"_Really?" said Cassy, clearly impressed. "Sure, why not?"_

Alex stared at the waiting room walls, as if he was waiting for them to tell him news about Jo.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"I brought you some water. Auntie Arizona gave me the ibuprofin."

"How'd you know I had a headache, princess?"

"I always know," said Josie sadly, putting her hand out so Alex could take the pills. "Will you tell me the story?"

"The story?"

"About the day I was born."

"Josie..."

"But tell it right this time," said Josie firmly, trying to hold her ground in her voice. "Tell me what really happened."

"Now is not really the time for that, Jos."

"Please Daddy," begged Josie. "I want to know. If she- if anything happens, please. Tell me while she's still here."

"Nothing is going to happen," said Alex sternly.

"Please Daddy."

Alex rubbed the brim of his nose and squeezed his eyes. When he looked up, his daughter was in front of him, with wide eyes that he had never found skill at saying no to, not since he first saw them appearing at his side, waiting for the incoming trauma, and telling him she was his intern for the day.

"She was eight months along," Alex started. "Only 32 weeks. A very awful, horrible man posed as her doctor and stuck her with a drug that induced labor so you would come early. When he was caught, he ran, but it was too late. You were coming. I tried to delay the labor, I wanted them to give her magnesium sulfate, but there was a placenta abruption."

"So that part really happened," said Josie wonderously.

"Yes," nodded Alex. "It was torture, watching her go through that. I thought I was going to lose her. And I thought I was going to lose you."

"But we both survived."

"Auntie Arizona took really good care of you," said Alex sadly.

"But you never came. She told you to go, but you couldn't. You couldn't leave her."

"I'm sorry, Jos. I was so scared. You don't know how much I love your mother."

"So she survived? I mean, obviously, she didn't die. Like you said she did."

"No," said Alex. "She didn't die. But we wrote up a death certificate so people would think she did. She quit her job. She laid low, took care of you at home. We didn't want to make it too obvious, but after a few months I started looking for jobs far enough away. The story was going to be that I moved away because I was so overcome with grief, and then we would all start over. So the horrible man wouldn't be able to find us. And we could be a family. She loved you so much, Josie. More than anything, more than she loved me. So did I. You were everything to both of us. She would have never left you by choice. Not if there was any other way to keep you safe."

"But why? Why would he be trying to hurt us? Why would he want to take my mommy away from me?"

"We still don't know, princess," said Alex, pulling her in to kiss the top of her head. "We just don't know."

Over the top of Josie's head, Dr. Bailey, Jo's surgeon, walked towards Alex. She was pulling her scrub hat off and bowing her head.


	12. Chapter 12

Happy Holidays! xo

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><p>While Josie sat in her seat, Alex jumped up immediately to meet Dr. Bailey. Josie tried to focus on something else, anything else, tried to count the pattern of the tiles on the floor, but she kept lifting her head to peek up at what was happening. She tried to guess what was happening, but it was hard to read their lips. When her dad collapsed into his own hands, crying, Josie felt her stomach lurch. It couldn't be possible... it just wasn't what was going to happen. This wasn't how their story went. They had found each other after all this time, even if Josie was mad now, they were going to work through it and be a family. They were going to leave the hospital together and her mom would explain everything and cry, cry so hard about ever having to leave her, and Josie would hug her and tell her it was all going to be okay. <em>That <em>was their story. Josie had thought so much about the heartbreak of not having her before, she didn't really let herself consider the possibility of not having her in the future. Not until she saw her father shaking, as if the emotions he felt could not bear to be contained for another moment. His eyes were red and soaking wet, even his hands were wet from the amount of tears they had caught.

By this time all of her family had taken up the hospital. Jax and his parents, who Josie had barely spoken to since the start of all this, Zola and Bailey and their parents, Sofia and her parents. The only person she knew but did not see there was her uncle Derek's sister, Amelia, who she had seen at the holidays sometimes at aunt Mer's house. She wasn't sure if she would have been there anyway, but a quick assessment of her aunt and uncle's conversation gave Josie the impression that she had been in the surgery for her mom. What she knew of her was that she was a really good neurosurgeon. When her father walked back towards her, it seemed that everyone had somehow taken a step back and forward at the same time. She felt suffocated and completely alone at the same time. She could almost hear their thoughts while they huddled around her, waiting for her dad to break the news, thanking the stars that it wasn't them. They would go home and hug each other and feel so lucky to have their family, whole and together. Josie would go home with her father, broken and alone, trying to pretend she really cared as little as she had tried to make her mother believe.

The thought sent a chillness throughout her entire body. That her mother would never know that she was not angry anymore, that she was glad to have met her, that she understood it wasn't her fault, seemed to empty Josie of everything she had in her. She felt like a car that had just had the gas syphoned out of her. She felt the need to cry, but when she allowed herself, nothing came out. This is it, she thought. This is the worst thing I will ever feel, and from now on, I will not be able to feel anything at all.

Her dad's walk of less than ten steps seemed ten miles away for a few painful slow moments, but now that he stood in front of her, with everyone's eyes watching them, she didn't feel ready. She started to shake her head to let him know. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want him to say it out loud. As long as he didn't say it out loud, it wasn't true yet. She could still come back. She was still here.

"I want to see her," Josie croaked out, finally breaking into sobs.

"She's in recovery. We have to give her some time first," her dad said, still crying. For a fleeting moment, Josie thought about how ridiculous they must have looked, crying at each other. Then the meaning of his words hit her like the sharp coolness of wind when fall first comes.

"S-she's okay? You mean she's really okay?"

Alex nodded his head, and at this gesture, Josie felt an influx of heat and pressure and soon realized she had found herself in the center of the strongest, tightest group hug she had ever known. Josie was crying like a stupid baby, but she didn't care to try to stop or even to be quiet, because that seemed so trivial and she was sure everyone would understand. When they hugged and kissed her they seemed genuinely relieved, and Josie, for the first time, realized why she had grown up calling them her family when they really weren't related at all.

After a few hours though, most of them had gone home with Alex and Josie's blessing. Arizona had taken Sofia home because she had to sleep for a biology quiz the next morning, but Callie was sleeping a few seats away in the waiting room. Bailey had play practice after school, so Derek and Meredith took him home with Zola. April had taken Jax home, but Jackson remained, and was working a puzzle in his book of crosswords. Josie was laying on her father's shoulder, fluttering in between wake and sleep, imagining over and over the same scenario. Each time it was a little different, but the general principles were the same. She was walking into her mom's hospital room, and her mom was crying, and somehow they magically just became a family again.

Josie was bordering on delirium after almost 24 hours with no sleep. She was deciding between M&M's or a bag of pretzels when she heard her father's name.

"Alex Karev?"

"That's me," he shot up, shaking off remnants of sleep from his tired mind and body.

"You're here for... Josephine Wilson?"

"Yes, yes," he said quickly. "What's going on? Is she okay?"

The nurse smiled and looked back down at her clipboard before looking back up. "She's asking for you."

"She is?" Alex asked. Josie scrunched her face.

The nurse nodded. "She's a little out of it still. She keeps saying her own name, asking to see herself. We're not sure why that hasn't worn off yet."

Alex smiled and looked back at Josie, who was waiting at the vending machine and eavesdropping. "Oh, she's not out of it. She's asking for our daughter, Josie."

"Daughter?" she looked down at her clipboard. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you had another-"

"Yes, thank you," Alex said quickly, cutting her off. "Come on, Jos. Are you ready?"

Josie nodded hurriedly, making a swift decision to ignore the tail end of the conversation, and ran up to her father's side. She puffed out her chest a little as they walked, hoping to seem more confident, but eventually reached for her dad's hand before they reached the room.

"Are you scared?" Josie asked.

"A little," said Alex, smiling at his daughter. Josie loosened her grip a little and let out a breath of relaxation.

"Me too," Josie confessed.

"It's going to be okay," Alex promised.

"I know," said Josie. Still, she stopped outside the door and let Alex go in first. She felt like a child, holding his hand and hiding behind him, but how mortifying that felt was not strong enough to overpower the restlessness at the idea of facing her mom after being so cruel to her. Now she knew a little more of what happened, and saw her mom so hurt, and it was all because Josie had to go chase her down in the stupid parking lot.

"Hi," Josie said, moving closer to the bed. Her mom looked so much different than the person she had spoken to in the car. She was less intimidating, less of a stranger. Her face was softer, and Josie realized she had been a little bit afraid of her before. The person in front of her now seemed warmer, seemed to want Josie around more.

"Hi beautiful," Jo smiled, reaching out her hand. Josie watched for a few moments, not knowing she wanted to take it or not. She felt utterly overwhelmed at the emotions buzzing through her at a hundred miles per hour. She was angry and betrayed, lost and confused, happy and relieved. She tried to sort them out, tried to fit them somewhere inside her, but it seemed like they were all fighting to be felt the deepest. Jo got the message quickly enough and put her hand back to her side, and Josie felt a wave of regret at her decision.

"I'm sorry," croaked Josie, hoping it was enough for her to understand. "I didn't mean to yell at you. Or for any of this to happen."

"Please," said Jo sadly. "Don't apologize."

"Jo," Alex interrupted. "We have to know who did this to you. I thought you said they-"

"They did. I didn't see who it was," Jo admitted. "But I have a pretty good guess."

"How did he find you? After all these years?"

"I don't know," Jo's tone was exasperated, bordering on broken. "The only thing I can think of is that they've been following her around for her entire life."

"So then what do we do?" Alex said efficiently. He would make a plan and do it. It was black and white.

"I don't know, I don't know Alex! I thought it was over... I thought it-"

"I have an idea," said Josie, causing both of them to stop and look at her. She had seemingly been lost in thought before, in a different world. "Well," she admitted. "It's part of an idea."

"What is it, princess?" asked Alex.

"Whatever is happening, I don't really understand all that... yet. But I just think... I think we should stick together this time. You don't need to protect me this time, okay?" she said, staring at Jo. "I can protect myself. But I just think... I don't know. I think it would be better if we stayed together. Three is better than one, right? Or even better than two. So, just stay okay? Stay this time."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Warning: **This chapter contains speculation and my personal fictional take_ _on Jo's past and references abuse. Please do not continue reading if that is a trigger for you._

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><p>Jo woke up with a start. Her heart rate calmed when she realized she wasn't really falling off a cliff, but was still safely lying on her bed. Alex was dozing in the chair next to her, while her daughter had fallen asleep in the cot requested for the room. Jo felt a calmness fall over her while she watched her daughter sleep. Her mouth was slightly open, and a small trail of drool was falling into the hand her head was resting on. She looked completely restful. Jo scooted upwards to sit up, and the movement seemed to stir Alex awake.<p>

"Sorry," Jo said innocently, unable to tear her eyes away from Josie to look at Alex.

"It's okay, I wasn't really sleeping," Alex forgave, following her eyes to their daughter. "Watching her sleep?"

"Is it creepy?" Jo asked, biting her bottom lip.

"No, I used to do it all the time. She looks so peaceful, doesn't she?"

"Yeah. She does."

"Jo, we need to talk."

"I know."

"You shouldn't have told her you could stay."

"What was I supposed to say, Alex? Tell her I was going to run again? I can't, I just don't think I have it in me to leave her. Not again."

"Don't be an idiot."

"I'm not being an idiot, Alex! You've gotten thirteen years with her, I've only had one. You're not seeing where I'm coming from!"

"What I'm _seeing_ is you in a hospital bed, nearly beaten to death. You don't know where _I'm_ coming from! I never thought I'd see you again. Do you know what that's been like? I swear to god Jo, you don't understand. Even after all these years, it feels like I can't even breathe without you. Just all the time, it hurts. I've tried to get over it for Josie, but when I look at her it's... it's like a constant reminder that I lost you."

"Alex... I didn't know-"

"Of course you didn't know, how could you?"

"I never wanted it be like this," mumbled Jo, staring at the lines on her palms. She thought about how every crevice told a different story.

"You can't stay if you're in danger."

"Alex, please. How can I leave her when she wants me to stay? When she was a baby I could justify it to myself. She didn't know me, she wouldn't miss me, she was better off. But she _asked _me to stay. I owe it to her to try."

"You owe it to her to stay alive," Alex grumbled.

Jo gave him a sad half of a smile. "Just because you survive one day to the next doesn't mean you're ever alive. I was just marking time. I owe it to her to be here and to be her mother."

"I can't support you putting your life in danger."

"I'm not asking you to."

"She loves you, you know. She still thinks I never figured out how she would steal any pictures of you she could find and keep them under her pillow."

"I think she's more angry with me right now than anything," Jo said sadly.

"She needs you," he told her. _She needs you._ Alex said it so simply he might have been stating the sky was blue, or that the room was full of oxygen. There was no debating, no questioning. Jo would have to finally put all her fears of inadequacy aside. She knew that she would be going home with Alex.

_The smell of the locker room in Jo's high school was one of dirty, sweaty socks. It wasn't a quiet smell either. It was loud and demanding and overpowering and sometimes made Jo gag on the air in the room. She was sure the janitor must have forgotten this room existed for at least twenty years, because it was repulsively disgusting. Still, she couldn't complain. It was a hot shower for free. Even at most of her foster homes, she didn't have hot showers. The best shower she remembered having was in the house she lived in for a few months when she was twelve. You had to put a quarter in for five minutes. It was a glorious five minutes though. At least once a month, Jo would save up a dollar fifty for thirty minutes of hot water. It was some of her favorite memories at that house._

_The water at her school was hot, but it was leaky and barely came out. She never came out of it feeling much better than she went in. Shampoo and conditioner was expensive, and she made minimum wage scooping ice cream, so she always tried to use as little as she could get away with, which resulted in her hair always up in a lazy bun. She had bought herself a few more outfits, but she still wasn't the beauty queen of the school. Her grades were almost the top of her class, though. She stayed at school until it closed at six on the days she didn't have to work, working on her homework or reading books out of the library. She tried to be home as little as possible. If she had learned anything, it was that a car is not a home, and that running away isn't a life._

_It was cold and dark, even with the flickering fluorescent lights of the locker room. There were no windows, which sort of made it feel like a dungeon. Even though she felt safer in here, she was filled with a sudden grieving sense of loneliness. Her teacher, Mrs. Schmidt, usually let her in during the early mornings, before anyone else arrived, but she had snuck in tonight. She couldn't stay in her car anymore. Maybe not permanently. At the very least she would have to find a new spot, so he couldn't find her again._

_She could still feel it on her. His fingers had left a trail like paint up her skin, dried and permanent, marking her as territory. She tried to close her eyes while he touched her, marked her, forced himself into intertwining their two bodies. As if she couldn't see it, it wouldn't be happening. Her earliest memory was watching one of her first foster father's beating on an older boy that lived in the house. She remembered hovering her chubby hands over her eyes, because if she didn't see it, then that meant it went away. Nobody told her that she would still be able to hear every yelp in pain, every crunch as his bones splattered beneath the weight of the heavy man. Even with her eyes squeezed so tight she saw stars, she could still feel the yank of her arm, her foster mother pulling her to safety in another room._

_Even when she closed her eyes, laying on the backseat of her own car, she could still feel the sweat coming off his dirty skin, she could still smell the sour stench falling out of his mouth as he moved up and down inside her, when he whispered things in her ear like "I know you missed me," and "we found someone even better to replace you at home. He never yells or fights back like you did. He's not afraid of how much he loves it."_

_Jo came back to reality, sitting in the dark and cold dungeon of her school locker room. The mold underneath the tiles didn't even come close to dirt she felt erupting from underneath her skin. She was sitting on the hard bench, holding herself and the world tightly together across her stomach, but her arms were shaking. Her escape, the place she had run towards to finally be free had been stolen from her. Every time she slept on the seat she would remember how he touched her, how he held her down so tightly that she couldn't breathe. She knew she had finally lost her steady grip on it, and the world was crumbling underneath her feet._

_More than broken, she felt angry. She promised herself no one would touch her like that again._

Josie had been avoiding calling her anything. She had practiced Mom and Mommy, even Mama in the mirror, but they all felt foreign in her mouth. After she tried them she would smack her lips together, as if she was getting rid of a bad taste. She tried out Jo, but that felt just as weird to her. She always felt the need to add -sie to the end of it, which made her feel like she was talking to herself. Plus it felt weirdly formal. As a last resort, she tried out Dr. Wilson, which felt the weirdest of them all. So without a name, she had been waiting for her mom to look at her or start talking to her first, or she would say hey or um or something non-specific to get her to listen.

"Um... hey...mom?" Josie tried awkwardly, trying to get her mom to turn around from packing her bag to leave. The name clearly was clearly a happy surprise.

"Yeah?" Jo said as normally and casual as she could muster, so Josie wouldn't feel weird saying it again.

"I'm, uh, going to go find everyone in the waiting room and talk to Jax. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Jo nodded eagerly. Josie skidded past Alex as he walked back into the room, holding a cafeteria sandwich and a juicebox.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Jo answered, still smiling. "She called me mom," she answered before Alex could ask her what had her so happy.

"Well that is what you are, isn't it?" Alex said nonchalantly, pulling the turkey sandwich out of the plastic container. Before he reached his mouth, a black bra hit him in the chest. Alex caught it against his chest with his free hand.

"What was that for?"

"For not celebrating with me!" Jo held out her hand, waiting for him to return it so she could continue packing it away in her tiny black duffel bag.

"Well, I can think of a few different ways to celebrate," Alex suggested, stepping towards her. "But you don't have this on in any of them."

"Alex!" Jo swatted his chest gently, but her face was lit up with happiness. She leaned into him. Not for support, because her own world was finally steady, but because even in inch away from him felt considerably too far away.


	14. Chapter 14

Jax's parents were talking animatedly about something that Josie didn't care enough to listen in to. Jax was sitting boredly in the waiting room chair, and Josie had been running quickly as if it could eliminate the embarrassment she was still feeling from the moment with her mom. Her feet skidded to a stop a few front in front of him, and he stood up in anticipation. Josie didn't wait, she ran close enough to him and put her hands around him, even though they never had the hugging type of friendship.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you," Jax said into Josie's neck. Josie squeezed him tighter, happy to have him back. When she finally let go, she felt a fullness envelop her.

"It's okay, Jaxy, it's okay! Have you heard?"

"About your mom?"

Josie nodded and blinked blankly a few times.

"Yeah," Jax said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "I've heard. How's it all going? Is she nice? Mean? Horrible? Is she coming to live with you? What happened to her? Has she told why she left?"

"Uhhh not really, she hasn't told me," Josie answered. "I don't know what happened. She is coming to live with us. And she isn't horrible. She's nice and... and I don't know. She's nice," she repeated.

Jax nodded and then grasped her wrist and pulled her to the other end of the waiting room, pretending to point to something in the half empty vending machine.

"What are you pointing at?"

"Shhh! I don't think I'm supposed to tell you this, or even know this, but I've heard my parents talking... you know our dads used to be friends..."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well I've heard them talking when they think I'm sleeping. You know how my mom is a nut about getting eight hours and thinks I'm asleep by ten every night..."

"Right."

"Well they were talking a few nights ago and I heard your name. I know we were supposed to be mad at each other, but I've really missed you."

"What did they _say_, Jax?"

"I'm not sure entirely. I only heard bits and pieces. I know your mom didn't di-leave right away. She was around when you were a baby."

"I already knew that."

"I know she ran away because... because of someone named Jason," Jax's voice dipped to lower than a whisper at the last word. "I think he's the one who hurt her this time. She was hurt by someone, right? And my mom said something to my dad about how she knew he was bad news when they first started dating, and how he must have been angry because of what she did."

"What my mom did?"

Jax shrugged. "I guess."

"So she dated him?" Josie felt childish over being shocked at the idea of her parents ever being with someone other than each other.

"I guess."

Josie pushed her lips from side to side. "I wonder who Jason is."

"You can't tell anyone I told you! I just... I feel like you deserved to know, cause it's your family, and all. But don't tell anyone, my mom will kill me if she knows I'm not sleeping when I'm supposed to."

"Okay," Josie nodded, fully intending not to tell anyone about the information she had. Not to use it to her advantage, well, that was a completely different story. She had gotten her mom into this by chasing her down in the parking lot. She would get her out of it by finding this Jason, once and for all. "I'll see you at school?" she asked, giving him another hug before leaving the room. She ran into her parents in the hallway outside her mother's room. Her dad was carrying a black duffel bag on his shoulder and pushing her mom in a wheelchair. Josie fell happily into step next to them.

"Everything okay, princess?"

"Everything's great," Josie chirped. She felt much better now that she had begun to form a plan. Once she stopped this Jason, they would be a family. The thought lifted her.

* * *

><p>As the days passed at home, Josie knew that neither of her parents wanted to push her too far, and she took advantage of the space she got from it. She had been spending most of her time home locked up in her room. The few moments she spent with her parents between the time she got home from school and went to bed were while they were eating. Other than that, she had begun spending her time on the computer in the safety of the privacy she had in her room. She had stolen her father's credit card and signed up for an online directory of all missing persons report in Washington. It took her days of frustration and dead ends of other doctors named Jason before finding Jason Myers. He was about the right age, and upon further looking on the internet, had worked at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital at the right time. He had published papers and pictures were next to them, and Josie stared at the pictures in wonder. He was smiling, making his eyes tiny and his teeth shine. He looked innocent, not like the person who ruined her life. She couldn't find anything on him now, but she did find something interesting about his past. He was in foster care like her mother until he was adopted when he was sixteen. His adoptive father was just murdered by a brutal stabbing, and his adoptive mother was sentenced to life in jail for over thirty counts of child abuse and neglect. There was a video of him speaking two years ago to honor and deny all charges against his adoptive parents. It sent a shiver up Josie's spine to watch him speak. There was something off, something unsettling in his voice. She closed it out and shut her computer. She still wasn't entirely sure how to find Jason now, but she knew one person she could speak to that would be her best shot at helping. It was an old doctor that both her parents knew at the same time as Jason. One that left on not so great terms, and had an active facebook profile. She lived in Arizona now, worked at Arizona State Hospital in Phoenix, had three kids that she always posted pictures of, and she was married to woman named Karen.<p>

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><p>She felt pretty confident on public transportation. People generally ignored her, which she found helpful in blending in. She had waited until Friday so she could tell her dad that a girl in her math class invited her over for a sleepover after school and she would be heading straight there, which gave her at least a day from the time she was supposed to leave for school. When she looked up directions, it said it would take 21 hours to get to Phoenix, and that was driving straight through. Josie had found two different bus lines that were only ten minutes apart by walking and would bring her right there, so she added another expected hour on to her journey, totaling up to 22. Hopefully she would be working when she got to the hospital, because she didn't have much time to lose.<p>

She set an alarm on her phone so she would wake up in time to catch her stop, but she was awoken by her phone's ringtone instead.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jos, are you at your friends? I haven't heard from you."

"Uhhh, uh-huh. What's up?"

"Just checking in. Everything's okay? Which friend did you say it was? Do you need anything? Where does she live again?"

"Dad, relax. Everything is good, uh she's in my English class. She lives by the school and her mom will bring me home tomorrow... night. We're going to go, um... skating tomorrow during the day."

"Oh, okay. Well call me if you need anything. What's that in the background? I want her parent's phone number in case of an emergency."

"Okay," said Josie nervously. "It's the television, um, I'll text you the number. I just have to get it from her." At his agreement, Josie hung up and tried to spin the wheels of her mind. What number could she give? She considered calling Jax, but she wasn't sure how that could help. She tried to think of an adult she knew that her parents didn't know. To buy herself time, she texted her dad that her friend's mom was busy, but she would ask as soon as she could. She let herself drift in and out of sleep again.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to have eavesdropped earlier," said a woman with short blonde hair and red lipstick. She had lines around her mouth that looked like a life of smiling had been behind her. Josie looked at the time, realized that her stop would be coming up any moment now. She stretched her neck, wondering how she had slept for nearly six hours in such an uncomfortable position. "But I overheard your conversation on the phone."

"Oh, okay," said Josie wearily, tucking herself in closer to the wall of the bus. She didn't trust any strangers, especially ones who listened in on her lying to her father and probably figured out she was alone now. The memory of her earlier conversation with her dad flooded through her, and with a panic, she realized she had never given him a number, real or fake.

"I ran away too, once. A long, long time ago."

"Oh, I'm not-"

"It won't solve anything, you know. You may be able to run for awhile, but you always find your way back to your loved ones. How old are you? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

"I'm not running away," Josie said clearly. "My parents know where I am."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have misunderstood."

"It's okay," Josie shifted uncomfortably and tucked her hands under her legs. "So, uh, why did... why _did_ you run?"

The woman smiled, and made the lines around her mouth disappear for a few seconds.

"I was seventeen at the time. I felt wildly misunderstood by my parents. I thought that I could make it without them, in fact, I thought I would be better off without them. They seemed to be constantly keeping secrets from me and making me feel too silly or stupid to understand, and it made me resent them."

"So you ran away?" Josie asked, enamored.

"I had my own secrets to keep. I actually made it a few months working a job I didn't love, but didn't hate either."

"So why did you go back?" Josie asked, standing up reluctantly. It seemed like the time had flown by on her second bus. Phoenix, Arizona was dry and hot, she could tell from even inside the air conditioned bus.

"Who says I did?" the woman winked while Josie looked back from the aisle. She wanted to ask more, but the driver was waiting for her. She stepped onto the pavement and let the air hit her. It felt different than the air she knew at home. She felt a sense of freedom in this one. No one knew her, no one expected anything from her. The stop was right outside the hospital, presumably for convenience, but it was a little nerve wracking to go inside. It looked like the one she had grew up in, and at the same time completely different.

"Excuse me," Josie cleared her throat at the front desk in the main lobby. She had no idea where to start. "I'm looking for a doctor- actually, a surgeon, I think. Her name is Leah Murphy."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Uhh, yeah," Josie said quickly. "My mom made it for me though, so I'm not sure what name she put it under. It should be at like seven this morning, I think?"

"I'm sorry, the earliest I have is at 7:50 for Marissa Roth."

"That's my mom! I don't know why she did that, oh well, okay, could you see if she could take me any earlier? I'm sorry for the inconvenience, it's just that I have to get to this volunteering thing and was hoping I wouldn't miss-"

"I can see if she's in," the receptionist offered. Josie nodded and made herself busy staring and picking at her fingernails while she pressed numbers on the phone. Josie tried to calm her heartbeat, confident that it would be able to be heard over the desk if she didn't. She had no idea if this would take. For all she knew, the receptionist was calling security at the fraud that she was. Josie snapped back her attention when she hung up the phone and started scribbling on a paper.

"Her office is 412, she says you have a consultation?"

Josie nodded and took off before her lies would seep through her skin and give her away. She felt so lucky, so on top of the world. She raced up the stairs to the fourth floor instead of waiting for the elevator.

412 was a big space. Immediately, Josie could recognize that Leah was an important doctor here. Her name was goldplated on the wooden door. With a deep breath, she knocked then opened it. The air in her throat caught as soon as she could see inside. Standing behind Leah was a face becoming more and more familiar to her.

"Mom?" Josie croaked out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Note: **Hey guys, so you may have noticed I've been updating quite frequently. The reason being that starting this Friday I might be off the grid for a little while. I'm taking a full sixteen week class in a two week span so I'm assuming it's going to monopolize all my brain power. However I've never taken a course like this, so I really don't know what to expect. But just in case, here's a fair warning that updates might be scarce until the sixteenth. I'll try to find some time to write when I can, but more than ever it's going to depend on my inspiration for the story, which I may have mentioned before really comes a lot from the reviews and messages you guys leave me. Those will really help! Anyway, enjoy! I know I keep leaving you guys with a lot of questions, I'm sorry about that. I promise it will eventually make sense. (I hope, at least)

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><p>"How did you... how did you know?"<p>

"That would be because of me," offered Leah, who was sitting calmly in her chair. Josie felt a burst of rage, but her confusion had it overpowered.

"But how? How did you know I was coming?"

"You liked an old picture of mine on facebook. I saw your name, clicked on your profile... has anyone ever told you that she's a spitting image of you?" Leah turned to Jo.

"Actually-" Jo started.

"They wouldn't have had the chance," Josie mumbled. "But how did you know I'd be coming?"

"Actually, we kind of put it together after Dr. Murphy called," Jo explained. "You said you were sleeping over the house of a girl in your math class, but then said it was someone from your English class. When Leah called and mentioned how you were on her profile... well, you're a lot like I was. I know how your brain works."

Josie sat down in the chair across from them and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Where's my dad?"

"He's at home. I caught the nearest flight, but we wanted someone home in case I was wrong. I asked him to let me come here and talk to you on my own."

"Well," said Leah, standing up from her chair. "I'll take that as my cue. You guys take as long as you need. I'll be doing rounds with my residents. It was nice to see you, Jo."

Jo nodded and smiled as a goodbye and thank-you, while Josie sat emotionless in the chair to Leah's desk.

"Are you crazy?" Jo asked as soon as Leah left, and Josie only huffed. "Someone could have taken you! You could have been seriously hurt. You could have gotten lost!"

"I'm not a baby," Josie argued.

"I didn't say you were."

"Well, you're acting like it!"

"Josie, are you kidding me?! Were you thinking at all when you did this? Honestly, what on this earth could have come over you to make you believe that this was a good idea? What were you trying to get from this? Did you just want to dig up my past? You could have just asked if you wanted to know so bad!"

"No I couldn't have! You wouldn't have told me anything!"

"I would have told you what I could have."

"Which is NOTHING! You won't tell me anything! You just come out nowhere, running, hiding, then you get _beat up_ by someone, then you come live with us. I don't know anything about you, I don't know why you left, or where you came from!"

"You can't pull things like this. Not ever again. Do you understand me?"

"You're not the boss of me."

"_Do you understand me?"_

"Yes," Josie mumbled.

"Good," Jo answered, calming down. "Now, let's talk."

"About what?"

"Why you really came all the way to Arizona to talk to Dr. Murphy."

"You already know why, remember? You so clearly told me."

"You have to work with me if we're going to get through this," Jo explained patiently. "You can't fight me on everything. If you want me to tell you everything, you've got to be honest with me too."

Josie shifted her shoulders and thought about it. "I was looking for Jason Myers."

She seemed to catch her off guard with the name, but Jo quickly recovered.

"How do you know about him?" Jo's voice was stiff.

"I know he's the one that you were running from! I thought if I found him, then I could stop him, or I don't know, get someone to stop him-" By the time Josie had finished speaking, she realized she was so focused on her explanation that she had missed her mom getting up out of her seat. Jo had taken up kneeling in front of Josie, her hands on Josie's knees. Her face was soft and sad, and again Josie thought of the woman in all black she had met in the car, wondered if they had really been the same person.

"That is not your job," Jo said seriously. Her unwavering gaze made Josie feel embarrassed and important all at the same time. "You don't put yourself in danger to protect me. It's _my_ job to protect _you. _I'm sorry I've been doing such a horrible job."

"You haven't!" Josie said quickly. "I mean, you haven't because, you know, I'm still here. So I think you've been doing a pretty good job, I think."

Jo's face broke into a wide smile and she wrapped her arms around Josie and pulled her towards her. Her mother smelt like vanilla and the sky, and she was warmer and gentler than the giant hugs she had known so well from her father. The thought did not escape Josie in that moment that it was the embrace of her mother she had always wanted, and had given up hope of ever having. She laid her hands on her mother's back and let her cheek fall on her shoulder. She held on until she felt tears falling out of her eyes and saw the drops on her mother's shirt. She pulled back nervously.

"Sorry," she said, wiping her eyes. Jo gave a generous smile and took the place of Josie's hands to wipe the tears off her cheeks.

"You don't need to apologize."

"I don't know why I'm crying," Josie tried to explain, but seemed to be void of an explanation. "Sorry," she repeated again before catching herself and smiling.

"Will you promise me that you won't try to do anything like this again without at least talking to me?"

Josie thought about someone hurting her mom and her just sitting quietly and doing nothing. She thought about the image of her mom, so beat up and defenseless in the hospital bed. She thought about the moments of waiting, the horrible feeling that made her sick to her stomach when she thought her mom had died. Then she thought of the weight that would be taken off her, the free pass that her mom was giving her to not have to worry about it.

"Okay," Josie nodded. She followed her out of Leah's office and realized how much she was dreading having to face her father. She considered asking her mom not to bring it up but never had the courage.

"Listen," said Jo, breaking the silence floating in the space between them in the back of a cab. "I was thinking we could take a flight home tomorrow and stay here for the night."

"In Arizona? Just me and you?"

"If it's okay with you."

"It depends," Josie shrugged, a smile tugging at the ends of her lips. "Can we go to the Grand Canyon? And will you tell me more?"

"More?"

"About before, about how this all happened. About Jason and about... you."

"I really don't know what I can tell you. But I think we can arrange a trip to the canyon-"

"You dated Jason?"

"I did, unfortunately. It was a lapse in judgement."

"Mhm. And when did you find out he was the worst person ever?"

"Well," said Jo laughing. "We got in a fight one night and it ended up getting physical. I ended up at your dad's, and then, well, my life really started I guess."

"What was the fight about?"

"It was about my past. He didn't know where I came from, and when he found out, well he was upset."

"He was that upset over _that? _But didn't he have one similar to exactly that?" Josie noticed the surprised face on her mom and quickly explained. "I found some stuff about his past when I looked him up."

"Right. Well, I didn't think to do that. I didn't know until much later, not until after you were born."

"_Jason? What the hell are you doing here?"_

_He was heaving, standing over Jo like he was going to throw up all over her. By the look on his face, she wasn't completely sure that he wasn't._

"_WHERE IS SHE?"_

"_Where is who? Jason, get out of here before I call the police!" Jo pulled out her phone, more intentioned to call Alex over any law enforcement. She wasn't afraid of Jason, she knew she could defend herself against him. He was a coward more than anything. To Jo's surprise, Jason knocked her phone out of her hand and across the room with his shaking fingers._

"_Jason, you need to leave," Jo spoke assertively, her voice calm and slow._

"_I'm not going anywhere! Mom and Dad want the baby, I'll take her to them!"_

"_What the hell are you on? You realize you endangered the life of me and my baby when you induced my labor. You could go away for attempted murder."_

"_I'LL BRING HER TO THEM! I OWE EVERYTHING TO THEM!"_

"_Who is them? Tell me, Jason, you can tell me."_

"_DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW THEM!"_

"_I DON'T!" Jo screeched, reaching her breaking point at his accusation. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"_

"_Mom and Dad! The people you ran away from! You didn't appreciate their love, you didn't deserve it!"_

"_What? Ran away from? What are you talking about? You've completely lost it."_

"_You ran away from them when you were sixteen and went to live in a dirty car. I should know, I took your place. They wouldn't stop talking about you, insisting that they would find you. You don't get it, do you? Dad was in love with you. You didn't appreciate it! I had my suspicions when we first met, but when you told me about your past... I lost it. I knew you were the one."_

_Jo was crying of disbelief, or maybe of anger that this had resurfaced in her life, but either way, her tears were hot and quick, no matter how fast she wiped them._

"_Okay, okay, so what? He wants me to come back to him? What does that have to do with my baby? Why do they want my baby girl?"_

"_It's you that he wants," Jason spat. "He knows the only way to get you to him."_

"_So... what? They want to use my little girl to lure them?" The words seemed to crumble as soon as she formed them. She knew her foster parents that she ran away from were sick, perhaps the worst of the lot, but she never thought she'd be running from them forever. And she certainly never thought her family would be in danger because of them._

"_I'll take her to them," said Jason, breathing deeply. His face and shirt was soaked with sweat, his shirt sticking to his skin._

"_He'll touch her over my dead body." _

_She felt the hot burn of Jason's clenched hand almost immediately. Her skin was red fire, the sharp pain of the unexpected. Without thinking, Jo retaliated. Jason got another good punch in her stomach, and an even worse one to the side of her head. It knocked her out, and the last thing she saw was Jason running out of her front door. The next thing she remembered was Alex's voice, calling out to her and begging her to return to him._

"_The baby..." Jo sputtered out._

"_Jo!" _

"_The baby..." repeated Jo. "Where is she? Where is-"_

"_She's here, Jo, she's fine! Help is on the way, just hold on for me. You have to hold on."_

"_No, Alex, take her away. Bring her to Dr. Robbins or Dr. Grey... please, do this for me. Don't ask questions, just take her."  
><em>"_You're crazy! I'm not leaving you!"_

"_He found me," said Jo through labored breathing. "It's only a matter of time until he finds out she's alive too. You have to keep her safe."_

_Jo didn't have it in her to tell Alex that she was sure that they already knew, she didn't have the heart to tell him what she knew she had to do to keep her baby safe from them. He didn't need to live with it, too._


	16. Chapter 16

**Note: **Hey guys, another note! Well, this chapter has been my favorite by far to write. I might just be a sucker for this stuff, but I think a happy experience for Josie with her mom was MUCH needed. I hope you guys like it too and of course, let me know what you're thinking.

What I wanted to let you guys know is about my tumblr shelizabethwriting . tumblr . com. I posted some pictures to go along with this story (of Josie) so if you want to check them out, you can do that. Also you can ask me questions and get direct answers (which doesn't always work so well with reviews, I guess). I also am willing to take prompts if anyone has any burning requests for one-shots (should my time permit it, of course) so yeah, it's a fun place! At least I think so. As always, enjoy! I know it's a little far-reaching, but if you guys can get this story to 100 reviews, I'll post the next chapter right away! (It's already written, of course ;) )

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><p>"It's hot," Josie complained, trying to untangle knots out of her hair. "And it hurts," she said frustratingly, throwing her brush to the floor.<p>

"The heat makes it worse," Jo explained, picking the brush up off the floor for her. "Want me to try?"

Josie looked warily at her. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly, turning around so her back was towards her mother. She felt a gentle tug at the top of her head and the feel of the brush gliding through her hair. A few tugs, but it felt more like a head massage than anything. "Hey, you didn't hurt at all," she noted as she lifted her hands over her new soft hair.

"Did you think I would?" Jo asked lightly, pulling Josie's hair into a ponytail.

"Daddy always used to feel like he was ripping my hair right out of my head. He never listened when I told him it hurt. He didn't understand, I guess."

"That sounds like him," she laughed. "It helps if you wet the brush a little before."

"Oh... thanks. I'll try it."

"Well, we should probably get going if we're going to be able to really enjoy the Grand Canyon."

Josie nodded and stopped at the mirror to check out her ponytail. It was perfectly smooth, which was no small feat in her eyes. She carried her bag, they were leaving from there since it was three hours away, and waited at the door.

The three hours in a rented car went by surprisingly faster than she anticipated. She had never really thought about the Grand Canyon, never really had a burning urge to go at all, but now that she was about to she felt a strange surge of excitement. This was her first time out of Seattle, and she was with her mom, and any trouble she was in was waiting for her safely back at home with her father.

"Have you ever been?" Josie asked as they pulled up to the parking lot in the Grand Canyon National Park.

"No... I haven't really seen any monuments like this before."

"Okay good," Josie said smiling. "It's the first time for both of us."

It wasn't as fun as she expected, getting to the top of the canyon. She felt sticky and tired and she could feel the faint start of a headache coming because of the burning hunger bubbling in her stomach. Her eyes were glossed and painful from staring at the sun too long, and the thought of walking back down to the car was haunting.

"Let's take a break," Jo suggested, handing Josie a bottle of once cold water that was now approaching lukewarm. Josie gulped a giant sip and didn't feel any better.

"This was an awful idea," Josie sighed.

"It was not."

"I'm tired," she whined. "And hungry."

Jo pulled out a peanut butter sandwich and handed it to her. A mouthful of peanut butter glued to the roof of her mouth at her first bite, but it felt so good to swallow something, she could almost feel it filling up her stomach.

"Thanks," she said, embarrassed at her previous whining.

"I'm glad we did this," Jo said.

"You are?"

"Yeah, I like spending time with you."

"Oh," Josie blushed, busying herself in her peanut butter sandwich. "Same here."

Jo smiled, but Josie was too busy in her lunch to see it.

"I know you want to know all about my past," Jo said suddenly, "but I want to know about yours too."

"_Mine?" _

"Are you kidding? Do you know how terrible it's been thinking about how much of your life I've missed? I want to know everything about you. Anything that you want to tell. There's nothing about you that is uninteresting to me."

"I bet there is."

"There isn't," Jo countered with a matter of fact smile.

"I wake up, I go to school, I do my homework, I eat dinner. Sometimes Daddy makes Taco Salad, but that's only for the really exciting days. Usually I go straight to the hospital after school and do my homework there. I sit at the nurse's station and do the pythagorean theorem. When I eat, I chew every bite thirty four times."

"Do you really?"

Josie tried to bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing, but she couldn't. "Who has the time for that? But everything else, yeah. I'm pretty boring."

"You aren't boring," Jo insisted.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't count if you have to say that."

"I don't have to say anything," said Jo, scrunching her eyebrows. "I mean it. You're very interesting... but also very slow." She poked the side of Josie's belly and jumped up, catching her by surprise. Josie curled in self-protection, her stomach was ticklish, then started running after her.

The top of the mountain was absolutely beautiful. She made it a few seconds after her mom, who was stopped short in front of it, and Josie understood why. She had never been completely enraptured with scenery, but there was no way not to marvel at the sight in front of her. It was like the earth was speaking to her directly. She had never felt so connected to anything. The wind bristled secrets, the canyons shouted old stories. She closed her eyes and felt a tingling on her skin. She felt energy coursing through her. She sat down in dirt, soft and comfortable.

"I think I'd like to stay here forever," Josie marveled.

"That would be nice."

"What if we ran away? We could! Why not? You were going to do it before, my dad told me! We can pick anywhere in the world, we'll call my dad on a payphone, he'll meet us. You guys are surgeons, you can get a job ANYWHERE! We can start over and never have to worry about Jason ever again!"

"You know we can't do that, Josie."

"Why not! It's a perfect plan, we'll figure out how to stay under the radar, it will work. I don't care about all my stuff, I can get new stuff."

"We can't run away, I won't let you live like that. It's not a life."

"Look at the world," Josie argued. "It's so big and pretty, there's so much I haven't seen. Staying in one place when it's dangerous seems... stupid."

"It's not stupid." Jo leaned over to Josie and rubbed her hand comfortingly up and down her back. "It's called a home. And you have one."

"Why does everything have to be so confusing?" Josie wondered out loud after a few moments.

"I guess that's kind of what life is, kid. "

"What do you think the meaning of it all is? I mean of everything. Like... the meaning of life."

"That's a pretty loaded question," Jo laughed.

"Well, there's got to be one, hasn't there?"

"I suppose you're right on that. But it's different for everyone. And it's constantly changing throughout our lives."

"Yeah, I guess." Josie stared at the massive hole in the earth and thought on the idea. "What's the meaning for you?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah. Right this very second."

"Well, you're the meaning of my life."

"That's it?" said Josie flatly. "Just me?"

"What?" Jo laughed. "That isn't enough?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "It just seems kind of boring."

"Well I care about all my old friends at the hospital too, and my old job, and your father, very much so."

Josie turned and looked up at her and smiled. She blinked the sun out of her eyes, and squinted to keep it out.

"Will you tell me about you and my dad?"

"Well it depends," Jo grinned slyly. "What do you want to know?"

"Hmmmm," said Josie. She knew she had to think of something good. "Tell me... tell me when you first met- no, no nevermind. Tell me when... tell me when you knew you loved him."

"Are you sure that's your final answer?"

"Yes," Josie said with a swift nod.

"Why don't we start walking back?" Jo suggested. "I'll tell you on the way."

Josie begrudgingly agreed, though she wasn't particularly looking forward to the trek down, she felt rejuvenated from the scenery and the prospect of hearing about her parents love story.

"So it was after Jason," Josie said as a casual reminder that she wouldn't let the subject go.

"Yes. After Jason."

"Who said it first? Him or you?"

Jo smiled at the memory. "We were standing in the dark, looking out the window in the middle of a storm. It was right after the whole Jason fiasco. I was staying with him. Then he said it."

"So he fell in love with you first! Did you say it back?"

"Not right away, no."

"You didn't love him?!"

"It wasn't that," Jo explained. "I cared for him deeply. I was just scared. Before I had known Alex, it just seemed like everything was temporary. I didn't want to get attached, and I certainly didn't want to express any growing attachment that was forming. I had always believed love was weakness."

"You were a skeptic. I understand that."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You don't really think love exists, do you?"

"I know it does." Jo furrowed her brows at Josie, who kept walking without notice.

"So what happened?" Josie pressed. "What changed your mind?"

"A lot of things changed my mind-"

"But there has to be ONE thing! Something that clicked and completely changed how you felt. That moment in movies when you guys looked at each other and just knew it would never be the same, that you could never be same."

"It wasn't a big moment," Jo insisted, a hint of amusement in her voice at her daughter's severe tone. "One day while he was working two jobs, he had gotten one in a private practice but still loved to be at the hospital, I was tying his tie for him."

"And?" Josie said, stretching out the word to it's full elasticity.

"He fell asleep."

"OH! He fell asleep! What a magical story, thanks for sharing!" Josie jumped off a hill in the path in exasperation and lost her footing on the ground. Jo, following behind her, grabbed and steadied her.

"I kissed him just gently enough to wake him up," continued Jo, undeterred by Josie's sarcasm. "I watched him flutter between sleep and consciousness, you know those moments when you wake up and there's a layer fog on all of your thoughts?" Josie nodded in response. "Well," Jo finished. "I realized that I wanted to be there with him for every foggy thought in the morning."

"Well," Josie admitted. "That's kind of nice."

"I'm glad I have your approval."

Josie made an unintelligible sound and without thinking, reached for her mom's hand to keep her balance as the hills got steeper. Though it took much less energy going down hills than up it, her toes kept sliding to the front of her shoes and it seemed like if she didn't have a pillar of support, her body would just keep going even when she wanted to stop. It was hard to travel against gravity.

At the end of their hike, the sight of their car was relieving and saddening. She had an hour in the car to the airport, where she planned to nap, which sent relief through her tired body. Her mom also left snacks in the truck, which also gave her relief, because the sandwich she had eaten was not cutting it after the journey back. But she was filled with a strange sadness at the sight of the car that made her feel like it was over. It felt like she had gotten a measly two days with her mom, and now it was gone. She tried to tell herself that her mom was coming home with her, but it didn't feel real enough to make her feel better. The car made her feel like it was all over, when she still had so many questions.

"You okay?" Jo asked, watching Josie's facial expressions.

"Yeah, just tired." Josie yawned for proof.

She still had a few hours before they were home and she had to deal with her father's reaction. At least that thought was uplifting.


	17. Chapter 17

**_Another_ note:** Not exactly what I was thinking when I asked for 100 reviews, but still, they're there, so it's only fair I post this. Enjoy! Happy New Years! Here's to wishing plenty of Jolex in 2015. ;)

Also, I saw some concerns with Josie not appreciating Alex. Of course she doesn't! She's a thirteen year old girl and her mom is more of an idea to her still so of course she seems to prefer that. But don't worry, there will be some Daddy Alex moments coming up.

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><p>"TELL ME THAT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED, OR AN ALIEN SWAPPED OUT YOUR BRAIN AND TOOK CONTROL OF YOU, BECAUSE I CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER GOOD REASON FOR YOU TO TAKE A BUS TO ANOTHER STATE."<p>

"Daddy-"

"I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"Daddy, please listen!" Josie begged. She could hear it in her voice and feel it forming in her eyes. She was about to cry and she couldn't stop it.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, JOSIE!"

The order sent her over the top. Josie burst into tears on the spot, her lips quivering with escaped sobs.

"Alex..." Jo said calmly, kneeling down and pulling a hysterical Josie into a hug.

"I don't want to hear it, Jo," said Alex, burying his face into his hands. His entire face was colored with anger. He rubbed his face hard, as if it would take some of the fury away. "What if you had been wrong? What if she wasn't there? We had no note, no way to find her. Josie, do you understand what you've done?"

"I'm sorry, okay?!" Josie looked up and yelled before burying her face back into Jo.

"Go to your room, Josie. I mean it. Don't come out until I come get you."

Josie looked malignantly at her father, then ran up the stairs in a haste.

"You never listen to me!" Her screaming proclamation could be heard before the slamming of the door so hard that the world shook. Both Alex and Jo jumped.

"You were kind of harsh, Alex."

"Harsh?" He said in disbelief. "She endangered her life. She lied. She didn't give us any inclination of where to look. We found her because of a mistake she made on a facebook page. Before you called, when the phone rang, I just kept imagining a police officer telling me I needed to identify the body."

"She made a stupid decision, but she's a smart girl. She would have known not to talk to strangers."

"No, Jo, you don't get it. Yes, she's a lot like us, independent and stubborn and all those wonderful qualities that have been so great for us. But she didn't grow up like us. She's never had to worry about anything. She thought you had died of natural causes. A tragedy... yes.. but not evil. Josie has only ever known the world to be good. Imagining out there on her own... it's too much. We're lucky she's alive."

Jo was stunned into silence. The one track idea of where she was and her own assurance that she would be right had kept Jo of thinking of any other possibilities.

"I'm sorry," said Jo sadly. "I guess I'm just too new at all of this. You've been doing it for so long."

"There's not really a handbook." Alex's voice had softened significantly at Jo's statement. "You can't really pick up where you left off."

Jo laughed. "I think the last thing I did before kissing her goodbye that day was change her diaper. She doesn't really need me for that."

"If she did, I would have probably done something very wrong."

Jo laughed and the ease that it came with it made her feel like she had just woken up at noon with the sun peering on her from the windows. She was warm from the inside out.

"You've done amazing, Alex," Jo spoke sincerely. "_She's _amazing. It's just not fair how time changes everything so much."

"It doesn't change _everything_," corrected Alex. His eyes glazed her. His full attention was on Jo, as if every detail of her was being memorized, as if she was going to dissolve any moment and he needed a picture for when she left. Jo felt a burst of courage.

"I know we can't pick up right where we left off... I know too much has happened... I wouldn't ask that of you. I know we have a lot to talk about... but I was-"

"Jo."

"What?"

"Stop talking."

"Excuse m-"

And before she could finish the word, he was on her, holding her lips in his. It was gentle, but all consuming, just the way she had remembered them. Jo stopped and smiled at the taste of mint, the all too familiar smell that Alex came to bed with every night, and she knew he had already brushed his teeth for the night. The burning heat between them brought the air around them alive and electric, and their tongues danced apart and in sync with another. It was only the two of them in the world. Jo latched on to the back of his neck, desperate for more of him, and Alex became more urgent, more passionate, as if they were both afraid it would be their last time together.

When they finally pulled apart, at Jo's initiation, a gentle breeze fluttered through the remains of the fire left in the space between them. Slowly, their world came back into focus. Jo licked her lips, tasting the remains Alex left on them. She lifted her hand over her mouth and smiled behind it.

"Well," said Jo, touching the spot on her lips that now felt cold and lonely without Alex. "It's nice to see you, too."

"You don't know how long I've thought about that."

"Twelve years?" she guessed.

Alex looked at her chaffingly. "It seems too good to be true. I don't want to lose you again."

Jo tried to hide the sadness in her smile and moved her thumb up and down the side of his cheek. She marveled. It was amazing; he was older, more mature, more thoughtful, but he was Alex. She remembered the puzzle of getting to know him, the months when they were first in love, the fight when she had thrown the onesie at him and told him she was pregnant. That night, even in their argument, she saw her future in him.

The sharp bells of her phone made them both jump and remember where they were. Jo looked questioningly at Alex when her phone rang with a Restricted number.

"Answer it," he shrugged.

"Hello?"

"An inmate from King County Adult Detention Center is trying to contact you. Will you accept the charges?"

"W- yes. Yes, I'll accept the charges."

"Jo?"

"Uh... uh yes. Who is this?"

"It's me, Jason. Myers, I mean. Don't hang up, Jo. You have to listen to me."

"Jason?! Why are you calling me? Are you stalking me? I'm not going to let you do this again-"

"What? No? Is someone stalking you? Jo, I've been in jail for two years."

"What?" Jo's mouth suddenly felt as dry as the air had been in the Grand Canyon. She tried to swallow, but it felt like there was a rock blocking her throat. "How is that possible?"

"It's a long story. Listen, Jo, I think you're in danger."

"What? Since when h-have you-"

"I have to go. Just watch out for yourself. I'll try and call tomorrow."

"Jason, wait!" The dial tone rung in her ear, and Jo wordlessly moved her phone away from her face. Alex's expectant look made her feel sick to her stomach. She covered her abdomen with her hand, hoping that it would somehow soothe the swirling sensation enough to keep her food down.

"Jo, what is it?"

"Jason is in jail," Jo's voice and face were the same. Blank.

"What? Jo, that's amazing news! What did he caught for?"

"I don't know. But he wasn't the one who attacked me. He's been locked up for two years."

"What?" Alex seemed to take a few moments to register what it all meant. "I don't- then who- how is that possible? Why did he call then?"

Jo moved her eyes from the spot on the wall she had been staring at to look directly at Alex.

"He thinks I'm in danger."


	18. Chapter 18

Alex knocked just to let Josie know he was coming in, then opened the door immediately. Josie was lying on her bed, listening to music with earphones in. When she saw her father, she made no move to turn it off.

"We need to talk, Jos."

"No we don't."

"What you did was incredibly irresponsible. What were you thinking?"

Josie sat up and plucked one earphone out of her left ear. "I was _thinking_ that you guys won't tell me anything and that I could find out some answers by myself."

"Do you realize how dangerous it was? That someone could have kidnapped or hurt you?"

Josie shrugged. She had thought about it once the stranger on the bus had approached her, so she couldn't argue with him. She _had_ been scared. Thinking about it made her feel grateful to be home and with her dad.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I thought I would be okay, I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"You've never done anything like this before. Why wouldn't you ask me first?"

"I don't know," Josie answered honestly. "Everything feels different now."

"Do you trust me, Jos?"

Josie looked at her father like he had just said that he believed Santa Claus was real and he worked as an elf. "Of course I do, Daddy. Why would you ask that?!"

"Then you trust me when I say I do everything to protect you."

"Of course I know that," Josie scrunched her face. "I always knew that."

"Then please, leave it to me and your mother. If you want to know something, we can sit down and talk about it. We'll figure it out. But you can't take more trips like this. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes," Josie nodded. "I'm really sorry Daddy."

"Okay," Alex nodded back. "Give me your phone."

"What? Why?!"

"You took a twenty hour bus ride by yourself without telling us where you went. No phone for a week. I think I'm letting you off easy."

Josie reluctantly dropped her phone in her father's hands and let him pull her in towards him. He kissed the top of her head and ruffled her hair.

"I love you, princess. How was the Grand Canyon?"

"She told you?"

"Did you think she was just going to leave me guessing for a night on where you were?"

Josie fought a smile at how silly it sounded and shrugged.

"Get some rest," Alex instructed. "It's been a busy weekend, and you're crazy if you think you're getting out of school tomorrow."

Josie rolled her eyes and watched her dad leave. She was pretty tired, especially from crying, even though she felt much better now. Alex closed the door behind him and returned to the kitchen. Jo was twisting a ring on her middle finger. One of her nervous tics that Alex couldn't help but smile when he saw.

"Did you tell her?" Jo asked, looking up.

"Are you crazy?"

"Me?" Jo raised her eyebrows and sat back.

"Of course I didn't tell her. She just hopped a bus because she wanted to know more about you. I'm not troubling her anymore. She's still a baby. You coming back is stressful enough on her."

"Oh? I'm sorry to have caused so much stress," said Jo sharply.

"You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Do I? Because ever since the parking lot it really seems like you really blame me for all of this."

"Blame you? Jo, this _was _all you. I know you were doing the best thing you could for our girl, but it shouldn't have happened. That's the bottom line."

"So you do think that," Jo pressed her tongue up against her teeth and nodded disbelievingly. "You think it's my fault for getting in the trouble in the first place."

"I didn't say that," said Alex calmly.

"But you think it! I never told you what happened, did I? I never told you what he did? What he said? Or how I met him?"

"No," Alex admitted softly. "You didn't."

"He was my foster father," said Jo dryly.

"What? Jo, I didn't know. Because of Jason, I just thought... I thought, as awful as it is, it was his friend or partner or something. Maybe one of your exes. I didn't know-"

"I know you didn't know. I was too embarrassed to talk about it. That's why I moved into my car when I was sixteen and became a _hobo_," Jo glazed over him at his favorite word. "It didn't happen at first. For the first few months, he was wonderful. He bought me whatever I needed and totally supported me, he even would help me study for my school exams. He told me how special I was and that I could be anything I wanted, and I believed him. He was so... so good. He told me he would always be there to love and protect me... and again, I believed him."

"He's scum," Alex said brutishly, gripping her arm. "He's trash, Jo. He's the bottom of the earth. He's nothing."

"It was my sixteenth birthday," Jo continued. "He said he'd been waiting to give me this gift for awhile and I was finally ready. He came into my room with a wrapped box, I was so excited, I trusted him, Alex. I really trusted him. I wasn't stupid, I had known horrible people before. I thought I finally had gotten my family. I had gotten my happy ending. But the box only had a black lace bra inside it when I opened it. I was terrified as soon as I opened it, my heart rate sped up, but I was in disbelief. I tried to convince myself it was innocent because it had to be. That he was just trying to be supportive of my teenage girl-ness. Then he insisted I try it on. I was creeped out, but I went to move towards the bathroom anyway. He grabbed my arm and told me not to move. Once I had it on, he called me beautiful, said I was the best gift he ever had. Then he just started kissing me all over. I was totally frozen. It was like my mind had left my body because it couldn't stand it. When he was done, he legitimately spit on my face and told me he owned me now. He said no one would believe the slut who cried wolf. But it was my first time, Alex, it was my first time..."

"Jo, please don't cry, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I've never told anyone."

"I wish I had known earlier. I would have killed him myself."

Jo let out a desperate laugh and leaned her head into him. "I thought it was over when I moved out. It was hard in my car, but I felt freer than I ever had before. Then he found me."

"He found your car?"

"I was so careful, I always kept the doors locked. Then the back one broke, so you had to manually lock it every time. I was so careful about it. I never forget, not once."

"Until you did," Alex said disappointedly, holding Jo tighter without realizing. He realized he knew how the story was going to go from here, but he was still hoping Jo would tell him he was wrong.

"Until I did," she confirmed. "It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, Alex. After it, I snuck in my school and promised I wouldn't let anyone touch me like that ever again. I changed. I promised to never let my guard down again. He never touched me again, but not for lack of trying."

"What did you do?"

"I was more careful. I never forgot the broken lock, I moved what parking lot I slept in every night so I was never in the same spot twice. On weekends sometimes, I would drive an hour or two out just to be safe."

"You should have gone to the police."

"Alex, it's taken me fifteen years to tell _you. _I would have never spoke up when I was 16. I felt embarrassed and dirty. I was sure no one would believe me. He was a respected man, especially to social workers and the whole foster community."

"I don't understand why. I mean, obviously he was sick and abusive, but don't they usually move on when their victims leave? What was so special about you? Why wouldn't he leave you alone?"

Jo looked down at her stomach and closed her eyes. When she looked up, Alex was waiting patiently for her answer. She squeezed tears back, but they came anyway.

"About halfway through my junior year, I found out I was pregnant."

"No..."

Jo squeezed her eyes tighter and shook her head. "He was the only one I ever- I got an abortion right away. I was sure I was going to be a doctor. That was it. I don't know how he ever found out. I think he somehow still could access my records because he was my legal guardian. It could have been Jason. I don't know for sure. But he's convinced the abortion didn't take, that I had the baby. Then when Josie came, he must have been following me all this time..."

"He couldn't have possibly believed Josie is his baby? He's about twelve years off his mark."

"He was psychotic. He didn't have any concept of reality."

"So how did he die?"

"That I don't know," Jo said honestly. "It could be related to whoever is stalking us now."

"Things are changing now," Alex said angrily. "Whoever is pulling this shit is going to be stopped once and for all."

"How _heroic_ of you," Jo smiled slyly. Alex rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. Jo reached up and pecked his lips a couple times until he was leaning towards her, begging for more. She bit her tongue before kissing him again with another quick peck. Finally he moved to kiss her, but it was more than that. It was love, a promise of his devotion, a symbol of the trust he wouldn't break.

"I've missed you so much," Jo breathed in between their kisses, moving her hand over his abdomen to feel the heat of his skin. When she felt Alex beg for more, she pulled away and smiled.

"You are so damn sexy."

"Maybe we should take this upstairs, Alex," she teased. She felt Alex lift her off her feet, but the sharp familiar bells snapped both of their necks towards it. Slowly, he lowered her, and Jo made careful strides towards it.

"Hello?"

"An inmate from King County Adult Detention Center is trying to contact you. Will you accept the charges?"

"W-yes! Yes, I'll accept!"

"Jo? It's me."

"Jason, what the hell?! What is going on?"

"I don't have much time, I'm not supposed to be on the phone, a guard is helping me out..."

"Then talk fast!"

"I can't, listen, just lay low for awhile. I only have my suspicions but I can't say them over the phone. Can you meet me?"

"Why the hell should I do that?" said Jo icily. If there was someone she definitely should not trust, it was Jason.

"Please. I want to help you. I can explain it all, and it's going to be a wall, it's not like you'll be in any danger. But your daughter might be."

"What are you talking about?" she spat.

"Come tomorrow. I already filled out a visiting order with all your information."

"What the hell, Jason?"

"I have to go, I'm sorry. Please let me explain myself to you... I- I'm sorry for what I did. I ruined my entire life over it. Just please give me a chance to explain it all. And Jo... look out for Heather."

Jo opened her mouth to speak, but sound had escaped her, and she listened to the dial tone coming from the other end for a few moments before pulling the phone away from her.

Alex stared at her thoughtfully.

"Jo, what happened? You look like you're going to be sick."


	19. Chapter 19

**A little note this time:** Well, turns out writing is all I ever want to do in my spare time, even when my spare time is significantly reduced with actual school work. So here's an extra long chapter that was originally two, but I combined them because I know I'm awful about cliff hangers, but it was even worse before, I swear. Quite a lot of stuff happens here. As always, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! Opinion on Jason? Thoughts about Josie? How are Jo and Alex going to cope with it all? And by the way, who is James?! And Heather?! There's also another character you guys have met in the story that will play quite a significant role, but you'll find it all out in due time.

As always, again, thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>"You just talked to Josie, right?" Jo said urgently.<p>

"What? What are you talking about? Of course I did. What happened? Was it Jason? Jo, you look like you're going to be sick. What the hell did he say to you?"

"We have to check on Josie," insisted Jo, seemingly thinking about several different things at once. Alex tried to stop her, to convince her that all was okay, but Jo started moving up the stairs quickly and Alex followed behind.

"Jo, listen, you have to stop... you're going to scare her..."

"Josie! Josie!" Jo called relentlessly while walking towards her door. She knocked so hard it sent a shock of pain through her knuckles, then moved to open the door. "There's a lock?"

"No?" said Alex, moving in front of Jo. With a shove of his shoulder, he pushed the door so hard in that the chair blocking the entry went flying across the room. Josie's bed looked cold as it did empty, the sheets tangled and in a ball on the bed.

"JOSIE!" Alex yelled angrily. "WHERE ARE YOU? THIS ISN'T FUNNY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! COME OUT NOW OR YOU WILL BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

While Alex screamed, Jo fell to her knees in the middle of the room and her body gave in as she erupted into sobs. The sight seemed to kick start an air of desperation in Alex.

"JOSIE! IF YOU WANT YOUR PHONE BACK, THEN FINE! JUST COME HERE!" Alex yelled so loud he was out of breath and his throat scorched. He ran out of the room and simultaneously kicked and hit all the doors in the hall until every single one had swung open. He continued yelling, but no other sound came in reply except for Jo's hysterics. "Tell me what he said," Alex said in a low, angry tone that scared Jo, walking back into Josie's room. "WHAT DID HE SAY TO MAKE YOU NEED TO COME CHECK ON HER?"

"He wants to meet me tomorrow, he says he has to explain it all..."

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"I don't know, Alex! Do you think if I knew I would be sitting here crying? Could she have run away again? Gone looking for something?"

"No," Alex said quickly. "She wouldn't. Not tonight. I took her phone, she isn't that stupid. And she promised me she wouldn't."

"Yeah, well, you promised you'd be honest with her, didn't you?"

"Are you fucking serious right now?"

"I'm just saying, we should see it from both points of view if we want the best chance at finding her."

Alex pulled Josie's dresser off the ground and threw it back towards the ground as hard as he could. The glass picture frame on it and a glass bottle of perfume shattered, whilst everything else went flying in different directions across the room. Jo jumped out of the way just in time.

"Alex!" Jo reprimanded, picking up the broken pieces of glass. Inside the picture frame was Alex and Josie, who looked about five or six. She was sitting on his shoulders, but her head was laying on top of his. Josie was wearing a smile much too big for her face, and Alex was smiling but seemingly embarrassed to be having his picture taken. Jo traced the picture with her fingers, as if that if she could touch it, then that would mean she could be there, in that moment, with them.

"This can't be fucking happening again," Alex yelled. "I've lost her twice in two fucking days."

"We're going to find her. We'll call the police, put out an Amber Alert. I'm going to talk to Jason tomorrow and I'm going to get as much information as I can."

"THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!" Alex bellowed. He could feel the blood rushing through every inch of his body, all the way to the tips of his fingers, which he curled back in fists. He felt the familiar bubbling inside him that he had kept down for years. He had traveled back through time, he was with his father, he had to protect his mother and he had failed. He was with his brother, he had to protect Amber and he had failed.

"Alex, call the police," said Jo shakily, handing him his own phone. He felt out of his body angry, but he grabbed the phone. He tried to remember the last thing she had been wearing, but he couldn't recall.

It seemed like there were clouds over all his thoughts, blocking his view every time an officer asked him a question. No, he didn't know where she might go. No, he couldn't remember what she wearing. Yes, she has one friend she might go to. His heart lit up for only a moment before realizing April and Jackson would have called. Still, maybe they thought he already knew where she was, so he let his heart swell with hope before they answered worriedly and assured them that Jax was asleep and no, they hadn't heard from Josie at all.

The thought of not getting her back was like a voice over his shoulder. It kept whispering in his ear the terrible things that could happen to her. Getting her back once was lucky, but two times? It just seemed improbable to have her unharmed and healthy again. It seemed like he was pushing his luck.

"So the window is open," the officer said, standing in front of Alex and Jo. "But it doesn't look forced."

"What does that mean?" Alex accused angrily.

"Either she left voluntarily, or it was someone she knew. Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt her?"

"Obviously if I could of think of anyone that wanted to hurt her, I'd be hunting them down."

"Alex, please," insisted Jo.

"What Jo? Cooperate? I'm sure they think she just left of her own free will and we're wasting their time! I'm sure this kind of thing happens all the time, doesn't it officer? Doesn't it?"

"We didn't say that, sir," the officer reminded Alex calmly. The monotone and emotionless voice made Alex want to jump on her throat and demand her to find his daughter. "We're doing everything we can to just make sure she comes home alive and healthy."

Alex tore out of the room, while Jo stayed behind to try and explain as much as she could think of to the police.

"She didn't leave on her own," Jo insisted. "I know it for a fact. If she did, she would have thought to make the bed look like someone was sleeping in it. But the bed was torn apart, like she just jumped out of the sheets quickly. She's so smart. She wouldn't have forgotten that."

"You're positive then that this was an abduction?"

The word sent shivers up Jo's spine before she answered. "Yes."

Long into the night, sleep never came for Alex or Jo, though neither of them tried very hard. It seemed like a waste of time and unfair to sleep comfortably while their daughter was probably alone and scared. While Jo stayed upstairs and tried to think about who might have wanted to hurt Josie, Alex was downstairs pacing from room to room. Jo could hear his footsteps from a floor away, and every so often they would stop. This would mean a crash was coming. When Alex stopped pacing, he was thinking, and when he was thinking, he ended up smashing something. Jo couldn't imagine the horrors going through his head. He wouldn't even look at her, and she knew it was because if he did, he would see blame all over her. Jo was sure that if anything happened to Josie, they would never be the same, would never be able to even look at each other again. She felt an ache in every bone of her body, and the only thing, she was sure, that kept her cells from spontaneously combusting due to her brain capitulating was that she was counting on getting the answers she needed to find her from Jason the next day.

The hours did not move swiftly. They were long and drawn out and tortuous. Jo's stomach growled in pain, but every time she thought about going downstairs she would be slammed with a wave of guilt over eating when Josie might not be able to, or she would talk herself into it just long enough before she heard another crash or the bang of Alex's fists on a table, and she wouldn't dare venture down through that for a bowl of Fruit Loops. Her eyes were tired and burning, but everytime she closed them she pictured Josie with her old foster parents. Her father, giant and bald, his hands all over her, and her mother, blonde and fragile, watching coolly. She would open them in a panic, remind herself that he was dead, that he couldn't rise from the dead, but the image was still there. As the sun rose in the window next to her, she mirrored it. She splashed water on her face, deciding she didn't deserve the leisure of a shower, and changed her clothes. She walked down the stairs slowly, and found Alex sitting at the kitchen table with his head buried in his arms.

"Alex, I'm going to go see Jason."

Alex looked up slowly to face Jo. There were half circles drawn under Alex's bloodshot eyes that made it look like he had been crying.

"Let me come with you."

"What?"

"Let me come with you," Alex repeated. "Please."

"O-okay. I didn't know that you'd want to."

Alex nodded wordlessly and moved towards his coat on the rack by the door. He didn't need to utter another word for Jo to understand. He was not blaming her; he did not hate her. He was with her. He needed her as much as she needed him. She reached down and held his hand, then gave it a little squeeze to let him know she understood, that she was there, she was with him too.

* * *

><p>The process at the jail cell involved a lot of waiting, and teamwork, since neither Alex nor Jo had made a move to let go of each other's hand. It was like a safety blanket both of them needed. Alex hadn't been on the visitor list, but surprisingly, it didn't take much to allow him access to a forty-five minute visit.<p>

The seats were as cold as the metal card table, which matched the chill in the air in the visiting room. Jo wondered if it was purposely kept like that to keep a wave of discomfort around them. The sight of Jason walking in made her stomach lurch until she remembered why she was here, then that thought alone made her feel like she had vomit.

"Jo, listen, I'm so glad you came. I can't thank you enough. Alex, it's nice to see you too," Jason motioned as he sat down at the table across from them. They were the only ones in the room. "I want to start with how sorry I am. You don't know how it's affected my whole life too... and I-"

"Listen," interrupted Jo. "I don't really care. My daughter is missing, and I need all the information you have because I have no idea what might help find her. So save your apologies and explanations. Just tell me the facts."

"I had no idea. Jo, I'm so sorry. Okay, well, let me start with how I got here. You know I was placed in the foster home after you left. They were so good to me at first. They told me how special and smart I was, how I could be anything... then all of a sudden it started. He came in one night and-"

"Save the details," said Jo brusquely.

"Right. Anyway, he had me completely and totally brainwashed. He told me all these stories about a girl who ran away, how much she didn't appreciate him. He would say how some people don't deserve to be loved, and when they don't appreciate it, they deserve to be punished. I didn't want to be one of those people who didn't deserve love... I was desperate to prove myself to both of them. They said they were going to adopt me and help me through college."

"They said the same thing to me," admitted Jo quietly. She felt the comfort of Alex's hand and reminded herself it was over now.

"I went against my own morality. I want you to know Jo, when we met, I started to realize my own mistakes. As I got to know you, I realized you weren't bad at all like they had said. But I felt like I owed them everything. They let me live with them for two years during college before I transferred so I could save up money. I attributed my entire career to them, and none to how hard I worked. For awhile I was just reporting everything you did. I wasn't entirely sure it was you, and I warned them of that. Still, they wanted to know everything. So I told them everything you did or said. Then when I found out through Alex about your past, I lost it. I had done EVERYTHING to gain your trust, but Alex knew and I didn't. I knew then for sure it was you. I was so infuriated."

Jo had a burning urge to tell him to stop, that she didn't want to hear it anymore, but she needed to know everything if she was going to have her best shot at finding Josie.

"I was never going to press charges really. I kept following you, and reporting everything you did. For awhile this was enough for them. But then you got pregnant. I had never seen him light up so much. It was like everything he had waited for was happening. He kept saying he knew it, he knew it, he knew it. He said he needed the baby, and that's when I started to doubt him. I was angry over our fight, but you seemed really happy. And speaking from experience, I know that's not easy to find," Jason stopped to look at her sympathetically. "But he was insistent. He said he wasn't angry with you anymore, but he just wanted to talk to you. He said you would never talk to him though, so he was just going to use the baby to lure you over to him to talk. He said no one would ever be hurt. I know it isn't any excuse, but he was so convincing. He was so convincing."

"He was a psychopath."

"Yes... yes. He sent me, you were there alone. She was supposed to be there. She was always there on Thursday nights with you."

"Meredith had an emergency surgery," Jo explained to Alex. "You took her over there to watch Zola and Bailey for her. It was when Derek wasn't..."

"Yes, I remember that night."

"Yes, well," continued Jason. "I was caught off guard. I was angry because I knew he would be angry. He was expecting it to all go over smoothly. When I went to his house, I couldn't find him, he was obviously waiting for the baby's arrival. I went down to the garage to look for him. I felt so defeated, I had to get it off my chest that I had failed."

"You were never supposed to go there," said Jo, remembering the house rules and how adamant both parents had been about it.

"The door was open. It was the worst thing I had ever seen. It still haunts me every time I try to sleep." Jason shook his head, and it was obvious he was seeing it now.

"W-what was it?" Jo asked carefully, not sure if she wanted an answer.

"It was pictures of all these children. Boys and girls of all ages. There were toddlers all the way to late teens. I completely lost it. I started ripping down all the pictures, and that's when he realized I was there. When he moved, I saw it. The wall at the end. It was all you, Jo. Pictures and pictures of you. And the one he was holding and caressing... I couldnt... she was just a baby. He wanted to hurt her. She was just a baby, she didn't hurt anybody..."

Jo was staring, hanging on his every word, silent tears falling off her cheeks.

"I called him out on it. And he just said 'if she can kill one of her babies so easily, she should have to watch all of them die the same way' in this chilling and robotic voice. I lost it. I ran, just ran. I didn't look back again."

"Okay," said Jo, wiping her face and giving it a swift shake. "So how did you end up here? In prison?"

"I was still watching you watch her. It was so horrible to see you torn apart every night like that. But I knew he wouldn't touch her until he had you because he wanted you to watch him hurt her. That was the most important part for him, so I thought you had made the best choice. Then one night I saw you crying in a parking lot. You had stayed there all throughout her fifth grade graduation and watched her walk out with Alex. It looked like you were crying hard enough to be ripped into two pieces. And I just... I couldn't take it. I was a coward my entire life just to watch out for myself, but you had missed ten years of your daughter's life because of me."

"It wasn't just because-"

"I know, I know. But I had a part in it. So I drove to their house that night. I walked right in, they never locked it, those cocky assholes. I almost lost my nerve. But he was asleep on the couch, he was sleeping so sound in this warm, comfortable house, and I thought of you in a cold car crying over your daughter's silly fifth grade graduation that you couldn't watch, and I just did it. I got a knife from the kitchen, and I did it. Once I started, it was hard to stop."

Jo let out a true gasp at his confession. She looked at Alex, but his face was completely stoic. She turned back to Jason.

"You're the one who... killed him? That's why you're-"

"In here, yeah. But that's not all I wanted to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Our old foster mother, she's in here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And this is what I couldn't tell you over the phone. I know she's angry about his death, and I think she's working with someone about revenge. In fact, I know it. What I don't know for sure is who."

Jo thought about her old foster mother. She had always seemed a little hesitant, a little better than him. She always assumed she was the follower, not the mastermind behind the torture. She never thought she would retaliate after his death. In fact, she would have thought she found it as a kind of freedom.

"Who do you think it might be?"

"I have only my suspicions," Jason clarified, lowering his voice. "But I think you should look into her sister. I've been finding out as much as I can and I have this. It's her address. She's in Washington, she lived down the street from them her entire life."

"I never met her. Actually, I never even knew she had a sister."

"Me either. For some reason she kept it a secret. I think finding out why may be the key to finding your daughter, though."

"Jason," Jo stopped and spoke sincerely as they were standing up from the table. "Thank you."

Jason nodded nobly. "I just want to help."

As they were leaving, Alex turned to Jo worriedly.

"You don't really believe anything he said, do you?" he asked.

"What? Of course I do."

"Jo, he's been out to hurt you since day one! Why would he want to help now?"

"He's in jail! What does he have to lose now?"

"He could be leading us directly into a trap."

"But what if he's not?" Jo countered, looking down at the piece of paper with the scribbled address. "This is our best chance. This is her best chance. We have to take the risk if it means saving Josie."


	20. Chapter 20

Josie woke up with a headache that felt like she had been run over by a truck. She moved to lift her hand to rub her forehead, but she found she couldn't. She quickly assessed the situation and found herself tied to a chair. Her ankles were tied together, along with her wrists tied behind her back. It was warm in the room, stuffy even, but it was dark and the only light was red. Surrounding her were developed pictures of her growing up. She felt a chill pass through her as she watched herself age along the walls. There were pictures of her when she was really little, even with her mom, and she smiled. Then it was her and her dad. She smiled still, remembering most of the times with him when these photos had been taken. At carnivals, and the movies, and parks. She couldn't help but smile.

She wasn't sure what else she should be feeling. Fear, maybe, but she didn't feel afraid. She felt pretty calm. She wasn't sure what was going to happen, but she didn't feel afraid. She felt tired and a little hungry, and very agitated.

"Ah, you're finally awake," said the woman happily. She was holding a tray of what looked like mush out of a can to Josie. Surely she did not expect her to eat that.

"Did you hit me in the head?"

"Not hard," the woman defended. "Just enough to knock you out a bit. Couldn't have you struggling with me while we came here."

"How did you find me?"

"Find you?" she laughed as if she hadn't laughed in years, and someone just told her the funniest joke in all of human history. "Honey, I know you better than you know yourself."

"Okay," said Josie flippantly, "but why?"

"You're just an idiot child. You wouldn't understand!"

"I would understand more than you think," responded Josie, keeping her calm. "I know you've been following me, and that's how you knew I was going to Arizona. What I don't understand is why you spoke to me and let me go. You could have just kidnapped me on that bus. But you didn't."

"You had answers to find," she said casually. "I wanted to you to know the truth first."

"The truth about what?" Josie stopped trying to mock interest at her mysterious response. She was bored and annoyed and wanted to go home. She let out a fake yawn to show her disinterest in her word puzzles.

"Not so clever now, are we? The truth about your parents. They aren't who you expected them to be, are they?"

"What are you talking about?" Josie answered. She tried to hide her rising anger, but it came out in irritation compared to her previous monotone voice. "And what is that smell?"

"Don't tell me you still don't know," the woman mocked, ignoring Josie's second question. The way she laughed made Josie curl her lip in anger. "Mommy and Daddy aren't so great after all, are they?"

"Shut up! Shut the hell up!"

"Oh! Little princess is losing her temper!"

"SHUT UP!" Josie's throat scorched from her yelling. She wiggled in her seat to break herself free, though it did nothing. She quickly realized that the chair was bolted to the floor. "You don't know anything about my family!"

"I obviously know more than you seem to."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mommy and Daddy never told you where your name really came from, did they? No? Or all about the sibling you never met?"

"You're crazy! Why should I believe anything you say? They promised to be honest with me, they wouldn't keep things like that from me... they would have told me!"

"Obviously they don't trust you. You are just a little, immature kid after all... You wouldn't understand."

"You're lying." Josie stared straight at her face and narrowed her eyes. "I don't know anything about you, anyway. You never finished your story on the bus."

"Ah, you remember that?"

"I'm not an idiot."

"Right. So you've said. Little brat really wants to know?"

"Don't call me that," ordered Josie, shifting her shoulders in a fit of pique. "But yes," she mumbled.

"Well... well, I suppose we have time, then," the woman smiled. The lines around her mouth disappeared, and Josie remembered noticing it for the first time on the bus. "We can start with the basics. I think we know each other well enough to be on a first name basis, Josie, so, you can call me Canani. My sister, Cara, we never got along well growing up. In fact, I hated her most of our lives. See, we were always opposites, me and her. We didn't understand each other. She was the obedient one. She was younger, and she grew up quietly behind me. I was the one that demanded attention and admiration. She never wanted any of that. When she decided to become a foster parent, everyone couldn't stop talking about how it was the perfect fit. She was always the angel and I was the devil's spawn. But I knew. Oh, I knew better than that."

"She wasn't so good after all?" Josie guessed boredly.

"She was worse than me. But she was quiet about it. She was smarter than me."

"Sounds like she shouldn't have been a parent."

"You know NOTHING! She gave those ungrateful children _everything! _Oh! She would call me crying every night about the trouble they got in and how they didn't appreciate her. It broke my heart. Anyway, we didn't get along until we were sixteen."

"Wait...you were the same age?"

"Yeah, twins. Ever heard of them?"

"Yes," Josie sneered. "I just didn't know you were one."

"Yes, she's six minutes younger. So anyway, we were sixteen when she came to me one day in school. She said she had a plan but we had to leave as soon as school got out. Naturally I had no idea what she was talking about. I already mentioned that she was always smarter than me. I never even thought about running away..." Canani seemed to stare off into the distance as she remembered her lack of thought about it. She traced her hand over her tightly slicked back blonde ponytail and let it rest there, seemingly holding all her thoughts in with her hand over her head.

"Um, hello?"

"Our mother died when we were 12. Our father moved us into his brother's family house because he thought we needed a family. That's when it started. He started buying us presents, for Cara and me, but they would be inappropriate things, like lingerie. He was our cousin, our own age, so we were silent. But I was the outspoken one, it was my job, so I decided to tell our father with Cara by my side. He screamed at us and told us to be grateful to have a home with them. It went on like that for months. Until when we were sixteen, Cara figured out a plan to run away. She said we could escape, start over. We would both get full time jobs as waitresses and we could afford an apartment together. She had an entire budget. She was so smart... she had everything packed. She was the brains for both of us."

"So you went?"

"Of course I went. I wanted out and she was giving me a way. For a year and a half we were best friends. We planned our futures, we really planned to be somebodies. Whatever happened, we were going to do it together. We were surviving."

"She left though," Josie finished for her. "She went back and you didn't."

"How did you know that?"

"You're looking at the same spot you were when you were about to talk about your cousin. Seemed like you were thinking about the same thing," shrugged Josie. "Plus you told me on the bus. I asked you what made you go back and you winked and said you didn't."

"I could have been lying."

"Well, were you?"

Canani stared hard at Josie. "No," she said finally. "I wasn't."

"Why would she go back though? She made the plan to get away!"

"She was smarter than me," Canani repeated sadly. "She was in love with him. She knew he would never choose if he had both of us..."

"She set you up?! So she could marry her cousin?!"

"The family disowned her. Told her she wasn't fit to be a foster parent. They were fine with it when no one knew, but she wanted to go public, get married, all of that. The funny thing is they always blamed her, but never him."

"He was in love with her too though?"

"He was in love with controlling her. I guess that was enough for him. I'm sure somewhere deep inside he loved her. It was nothing like how she loved him though."

"There's a name for that I think. I've heard it before. It's like Stalked-home syndrome or something."

"Stockholm," Canani corrected. "You're right."

"Okay," clarified Josie, trying to put the pieces of the story together mentally. "So she set you up and abandoned you and married her cousin and got disowned by her family. So that's why she fostered kids? Because she couldn't have kids with her own cousin... and her and him... they were my mom's foster parents... the horrible ones..."

"She was never horrible! She loved those kids and they were ungrateful!"

"Yeah, then she had a pretty funny way of showing it!"

"Shut your mouth! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Canani's voice changed swiftly, and Josie felt the mood shift quickly back to two enemies on a battlefield.

"Is that why you're doing this?" asked Josie. "You want revenge for ungrateful kids? Newsflash, it wasn't their stupid fault! The adults are supposed to take care of _them!_ Why would you want to help out a backstabber anyway?"

Canani flinched at the word, as if saying it out loud made it more true than it already was. "Family," she said without question, "does not assign conditions. There are no exceptions. I promised her I would always be on her side, and I'm not giving up on her now. She needs me more than ever."

"She's in jail, idiot."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you think that she would be in JAIL if she didn't hurt all those kid, including my MOM?"

"She did all she could to protect them from him! Don't act like you know anything! God, you're just like your mother," she spat disgustedly. "Cocky and insolent"

"Don't talk about my mom! You could never be half the person she is!"

Canani laughed the way she had when she asked Josie about the truth from her parents. It was evil and maniacal and made Josie's stomach turn. She felt hot tears forming out of unadulterated anger because she was so vexed and powerless.

"Oh sweetie," Canani said haughtily, bending down inches from Josie's face. "Oh honey. You stupid, stupid little girl."

Josie couldn't take it, and before she could say another horrible word, Josie coughed

up all the saliva in her throat and spit into Canani's face. Canani drew back in surprise, and Josie was distracted by a familiar voice.

"Hell yeah! That's my girl!"

"Alex!" Jo swatted Alex's chest to chide him quickly before they both ran to Josie. Josie's eyes widened and glistened at the sound and sight of them. Jo ran to begin untying her wrists and ankles while Alex tackled Canani.

"These are tighter than they look," observed Jo, struggling with the first tie. "Do they hurt?"

"A little," admitted Josie.

"Get off me!" Canani ordered.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Alex said, mentally debating with himself if it was worth punching her in the face or not.

"Because you're going to want to run," she snickered, holding out a cigarette lighter. "When this whole place goes up."

It seemed like time had frozen. Alex looked at Jo and Josie, who had frozen in their spot. Josie was looking at Alex, Jo's hands were still on the tied knots around Josie's wrist. She hadn't even gotten to the ankles yet. Josie felt dread boil inside her as it finally came to her that the smell from earlier had been gasoline.

"She killed my sister's baby," said Canani satisfactorily. "So now she watches her baby die. It was my sister's dying request."

"Dying request? Is that what she told you?" Jo yelled through the heat, simultaneously struggling with Josie's knots. Alex was working on the ankles, wiping the quickly forming sweat off his brow. "I killed her baby? Her husband RAPED me when I was sixteen and got me pregnant. Sorry, but I didn't want to bring another him into the world."

"What?" Canani said dryly. "No. No. No. You're lying!"

"I'm not! You're sick!" Jo yelled. "Who would try to kill an innocent little girl for someone else?"

Canani didn't say another word, but ran out of the house as the flames grew. Josie couldn't hold it in any longer. The sobs felt like they were stealing energy she should preserve, though she didn't know why. Every time she opened her mouth to let out a sob, a breath of smoke filled her up and caught in her throat.

"Sweetie, I need you to stay calm, okay? You can cry as much as you want when we get out of here. Put this over your face for now and breathe into it." Jo held up her balled up sweater over Josie's face while looking around the dark room for some type of sharp tool.

"Alex, can you find anything to cut these with?"  
>"This looks like a photo room, Jo, it's all stuff to develop..."<p>

Josie's sobs were louder into the towel Jo was holding to her face. Jo felt like she was about to pass out from the smoke filling her lungs. Her eyes were watering and blurring her vision.

"I'm not going to get out of here," Josie cried. "You guys go and let me die!"

"Don't be stupid, Jos!"

"I'm not being stupid, Daddy! It's like the story you'd tell me. You and Mommy can make more babies, but if you guys die with me... then it's all over. Remember? Her over me."

"Alex!" Jo yelled. "You told her that?"

"No, I didn't tell her that! It wasn't like that at all! Josie, you know you're the most important thing in my life! I would never leave you... we would never leave you."

"I can't breathe, Daddy..."

"Alex! It's a photo paper cutter. On the counter over there!" Jo pointed to the space on the far end of the room. Alex shot up towards it.

"I think this will work," Alex said urgently, carrying the heavy cutter back towards them quickly. He placed the cutter in between Josie's ankles and with a loud screech from Josie, broke the ties free.

"I'm so sorry baby, I cut your ankle..."

"Alex, there's no time. Get her wrists!"

With more deliberation, Alex cut the ties off a much more tensed Josie without incident and picked Josie up like carrying a baby. When she was free, Alex threw the cutter across the room and watched it turn all black in the flames.

"Through here," Jo instructed towards the window. "The fire is coming from the side with the door."

"It's a second story window!"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

Alex shook his head.

"Okay, I'm going to jump, then you drop Josie and I'll catch her. Got it?"

Alex nodded. Jo wasted no time. She held her breath before stepping out of the window, though the thought occurred to her that there was no logical reason to do so. When she landed she felt a shock of pain flood through her limbs so sudden and severe that it felt like she had been hit by lightening. She turned around and gave the thumbs up, and within moments, Josie was falling towards her. Holding Josie and moving out of the way, Alex landed only feet from her on his knees. His white shirt was charred black with gaping holes in the fabric. Where his shirt was and bareback used to be was now deep, dark circles and flashing red burns.

"We're alive," Alex coughed. "We're actually alive and okay."

"Alex, I'm so sorry... you were right... you were right. It was a trap. Jason set us up. I think my older foster mother is dead, I don't think she's even in that prison..."

"No, Jo, you were right on this. We have Josie back. But right now we have to get to the hospital," Alex insisted urgently. "Before the adrenaline wears off."


	21. Chapter 21

"Alex, do you know how lucky you are that these aren't third degree?"

"Very lucky, Mer. Are you almost done?"

"You're not getting up," Meredith clarified. "I'm your doctor right now, not your friend. You need to rest. Jo and Josie are both fine. Jo is getting oxygen treatments, just like you will be, and Callie has Josie's leg all wrapped up. They're both fine. Which is more than I'll be able to say for you if you don't give it a rest."

"Yeah, Evil Spawn," said a familiar but different voice. "Give it a rest."

"Yang?" Alex sat up, while Meredith pushed him back down. When Meredith lifted her hand off his chest, Alex sat up again. Meredith let out an exhaustive sigh and rolled her eyes, then smiled at Cristina.

"In the flesh. What twisted trouble have you gotten yourself into now? You were supposed to take care of him Meredith!"

"I'm a doctor, Cristina, not a miracle worker." Meredith and Cristina smirked knowingly at each other and Alex rolled his eyes.

"What brings you back to Seattle Grace Mercy Death?" Alex asked in a tone mocking Cristina's nickname for the hospital.

"I came to see my favorite people! By the way, where _are_ Zola and Bailey and Josie?"

"Ha ha, very funny Yang."

"No, but really," defended Cristina. "I also needed to use some of my vacation time for legal reasons, and I haven't been back in awhile. Gosh, how long has it been?"

"Well," Alex offered. "Josie is almost fourteen, and I think the last time she saw you was right after her seventh birthday."

"Jeez, she probably doesn't even remember me! By the way, how is everything? Mer told me all about Hairball returning."

"We're working on it," said Alex honestly. Cristina nodded as a signal that she knew that topic of conversation was over. She looked tired and older, but her face was lighter somehow. It was clear she was happy.

"Are Zols and Bailey at the house?" Cristina asked turning to Meredith.

"Bailey is at play practice, and Zola is at the mall shopping with her friends. She's never home anymore, that one. At least she's not doing what I was at that age! How about dinner tomorrow night? We'll do it at my place, Derek can cook, we'll invite the entire board, and Alex and Jo should be all set by then. If Alex actually _listens _to me, that is," Meredith finished by giving Alex a scowl.

"Sounds great, Mer. I'm going to see everyone else around the hospital. Listen to your doctor, Evil Spawn, so we can have dinner tomorrow night."

* * *

><p>"Josie?" Jo's voice was thick from sleep and confusion. "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be resting?"<p>

Josie shrugged. "Peds is lonely. There's a bunch of dying kids."

"A lot of them are getting better though," countered Jo.

"A lot of them aren't."

"Fair enough," said Jo, patting the bed for Josie to sit next to her. Josie smiled and jumped up. "How's your leg feel?"

"It was just a cut."

"You got oxygen right?" Josie nodded as if she had answered this question a million times, even though it was the first time she had been asked.

"How's Daddy?"

"He got burned on his back pretty bad. But he's going to be fine," Jo smiled reassuringly and rubbed Josie's arm. "Don't worry."

"Oh okay," nodded Josie. "Good. You know," she continued nervously, "I'm not as innocent as he thinks I am."

"Oh? Do I want to hear about this?"

"Not like that!" Josie's cheeks flushed at the thought. "I just mean, like, I do _know _things happen. I know bad things happen. I'm not really like an idiot."

"Nobody thinks you're an idiot."

"You don't?" Josie's voice was full of sincerity in her surprise.

"Of course not! Why on earth would I ever think that?"

"I just figured Daddy told you."

"Told me what?"

"You know," said Josie, shifting her legs. She rubbed two pieces of the bottom of her hair together with her thumb and pointer finger, as she always did lately when she was nervous. She partly thought the noise it made was comforting, but she also figured she just liked something to do with her hands. "How I don't know if I want to be a surgeon. I mean, it's cool and all..."

"Why would that make you an idiot?"

"Well, you have to be smart to be a surgeon. And like you and Dad, I know you guys worked really hard and it wasn't just handed to you, and it's kind of being handed to me, but I don't want it... that kind of makes me stupid. After hearing all you went through... is it true? What you said to Canani?"

"Canani?"

"The one that set the fire. We were talking before you guys came. She told me her name."

"Oh, I see."

"She told me some stuff. About you. I know she's a liar and stuff but I just was wondering... is it true what you said? Because maybe that's what she was talking about... and I just want to know. I think you can tell me, after everything that's happened. I know a lot for a thirteen year old. You'd be surprised."

"Would I?" Jo smiled. "What are talking about? Is what true?"

"Canani said I had a sibling I never met." Josie let out a breath of relief at finally saying the words out loud. She had that feeling in her stomach after you're sick for awhile and you finally vomit and your stomach feels so much lighter and cleaner without the poison inside you. "I called her a liar, but then you said how you were pregnant in high school. Maybe she was talking about that and I just wanted to know."

"Oh sweetie," Jo spoke through a face colored as white as paper. "I promise I will tell you everything. I will. No more secrets, but it should be all three of us when we talk about it."

Josie didn't even try to hide the disappointment when she nodded her head. She begged Jo to let her walk by herself back to her room, but was denied, and walked silently next to her mom down the familiar corridors in the hospital. She was silently glad when she walked through the dark halls. There was an airy breeze and an eery silence. The only sounds were the beeping of machines from the rooms they were passing by.

"You okay there?"

"I dunno," Josie shrugged. "It gives me the bumpies."

"The what?"

"Oh, you know. Goosebumps. I forgot everyone doesn't it call it that. When I was little I couldn't say the s sound in goose, so Daddy and I started calling it bumpies. I guess it's kind of childish now though."

Jo smiled as she listened to her explanation. "No, that's sweet."

"It's kind of stupid."

"Why are you so hard on yourself all the time?" Jo pulled back the white sheets on the hospital bed, and for a fleeting moment, she saw an image of herself doing it over and over as Josie grew up in her own bed. She let herself come back to reality to the thirteen year old in front of her, obviously lonely and confused in ways that Jo had only ever imagined as a child. She always envisioned her parents coming back for her out of nowhere and insisting they had really loved her all this time. She wondered how she would have taken it at thirteen, and suddenly felt like her daughter was very generous with her.

"Auntie Mer said we're going to have dinner at her house tomorrow," yawned Josie. "A big dinner with everyone invited. Is it your first one? It will be fun, I promise."

"I believe you," Jo smiled. "Try and sleep if you can."

Josie nodded and rolled over to face the wall opposite of her mother. She listened for her mom to leave then counted to 100, then threw the covers off her and stepped to the ground with her no-skid, a little bit scratchy, yellow hospital socks. Her dad was staying much further than her mom, because he had been burned way worse. But she hadn't seen him since they got to the hospital. Everyone kept telling her he was fine, like that would be enough. The hospital was still creepy, especially alone, but she felt safe in these walls. She practically spent more time here than her house. There weren't many people around except for an occasional nurse, but she was sure she would see familiar faces if she looked hard enough.

The curtains were drawn in his room, but she slid the door open easily.

"Daddy!"

"Jos?" Alex answered groggily, rubbing his eyes and lifting his head. He was lying on his stomach with his entire back covered in burn wraps. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. What are you doing here? What time is it? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"It's twelve in the morning. I'm not tired. Sorry I woke you."

"You should not be awake at twelve in the morning," said Alex sternly.

"Well your back shouldn't be all burned. A lot of things have been happening lately that shouldn't be. It's better not to fight it, it's better to just go with it. Fighting it can be too tiring, and I don't think either of us have the energy anymore."

"Hey Jos?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you be thirteen for a minute? How am I supposed to raise an idiot kid to be less of an idiot if they were already born so smart?"

"_Daddy,_" Josie rolled her eyes and sat down in the chair next the board-like thing he was sleeping on. She figured he could lay his head down and stop straining his neck. "I'm sorry for everything."

"For sneaking out of your room and coming here at midnight?"

"I didn't sneak out. This isn't a jail! And technically you never told me _not _to. But I don't mean that. I just mean everything. I'm sorry for running away and then getting kidnapped and already being in trouble so I didn't even have my phone. I'm sorry for being born because if I wasn't none of this would have happened."

"I sincerely hope I did not just hear you apologizing for being born."

"Your life... your _lives _would have been easier without me. You can't deny it."

"Listen to me. I never, _never_, want to hear anything like that come out of your mouth again."

"Sorry," Josie mumbled incoherently. "Are you okay? Is it true we're going to Auntie Mer's for one of the big dinners tomorrow?"

"It's true if you get back to your room and sleep so we can be discharged out of here in the morning."

"Right. 'Night Daddy." Josie kissed her father's cheek and closed the door to his room. She didn't feel much different than when she had come in there, not much better or worse, except for the excitement she felt for the dinner. She loved when her entire family from the hospital got together, and with all that's happened lately, she couldn't wait for a feeling of normalcy.

The nurses working kept checking Josie's vitals every hour or so, but she didn't mind. She kept falling asleep peacefully as soon as they'd leave, dreaming of what was to come.


	22. Chapter 22

"Alex, we need to talk about this! We can't just go home and pretend nothing is wrong!"

"Can it wait until after today?"

"Do you just want to push everything off until it's forgotten about? No," answered Jo solemnly. "This _can't_ wait."

"Okay, well obviously Josie is going through some stuff. So what? Every kid does."

"Well, do you think she needs to see someone?"

"See someone?" Alex challenged. "Like a shrink?"

"She obviously is feeling guilty and confused," Jo sighed hopelessly, falling into the chair by his bed. "I think it would help her if she could talk about it with someone."

"She can talk to _me_. She already knows that."

"Alex. She's a thirteen year old girl. She doesn't want to talk about her feelings with you."

"My kid doesn't need to see a shrink."

"For a doctor, you're awfully closed-minded about mental illnesses."

"Now she's mentally ill? Great, Jo! She's your kid too, you know!"

"I'm not saying she's mentally ill! I'm just saying it shouldn't matter if she was, or if anyone thought she was. If seeing someone could help her, we should do it. No questions. You told me what she said, Alex. She apologized for being _born_. You don't think that's something we need to deal with?"

"Obviously it is," Alex grudged unwillingly.

"Right. So if you have any other ideas, let me know. But right now I really think this is what's best for her."

"Good luck getting her to agree."

"Why wouldn't-"

"Getting who to agree?" Josie asked, standing in the doorway to Alex's room with Arizona by her side.

"Special delivery," Arizona smiled brightly. "She's all set. Just sign the papers at the desk."

"Thanks Dr. Robbins."

"Of course," Arizona nodded slightly uncomfortably, feeling suddenly like she interrupted something. She turned to Josie and smiled again. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Uh-huh! See you later Auntie."

"Hi sweetie," Jo smiled.

"Getting who to agree? And to what?"

"That's something we need to talk about."

"Is it about tonight? If it's about wearing a dress, I don't care. I'll do it just this once."

"It's not about that, Jos," said Alex, staring at Jo. If he wanted her to see a shrink so bad, she would be the one to tell her. Josie looked questioningly between her parents.

"Is this about like... everything?"

"What's everything?"

"You know... all the stuff I asked you about," Josie answered, looking straight at Jo. Jo seemed slightly taken off guard, realizing she probably should have mentioned the conversation to Alex a bit earlier.

"What stuff did you ask about?" Alex asked, narrowing his eyes between Jo and his daughter.

"It was nothing," Josie realized and answered quickly, not taking her eyes off Jo. "Right?"

"Alex," Jo said calmly. "There's a lot of things we need to talk about, which is why," Jo cleared her throat and looked between the two of them. "I think we should get some help with it all."

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Like a therapist, Jos," Alex clarified.

"You guys want to see a therapist together?"

"Well, not-"

"I think that's a really good idea!" Josie jumped up and swung her arms around her dad, then moved towards her mom. "I think we all have so much to talk about and you guys need some help with it."

"Josie, we weren't-"

"When do you guys start?"

Jo looked at Alex helplessly.

"Josie, we want _you_ to talk somebody."

"Me? But why? You guys need to go like couple therapy, I'm not a part of that."

"Couple therapy?" Alex questioned, jokingly offended. "Why would you think that?"

"Oh," Josie said sheepishly. "I just thought you guys wanted to work it out. Since you guys clearly still love each other. I just figured there would be a lot to work out in a situation like this. I mean, you guys are together. Right?"

"Uh, well, Josie. We haven't really talked about it."

Josie smirked like when a child tells you that two plus two is five, and you can't really tell them they're an idiot, so you have to play along.

"See? You guys need help talking about it."

Jo opened her mouth like she was going to say something, then pressed her lips together and looked at Alex. She tried to keep her lips together to stop herself from smiling, but a tight I-can't-believe-this-girl grin still spread across her face. Alex shrugged back and tried to contain his own smile. He was a little more used to her too smart for her own good remarks, but they never ceased to amaze him.

* * *

><p>Tights. She hated tights. She was all too familiar with them from dance class, and it made her hate them even more. Even besides how itchy and uncomfortable they were, she had a personal vendetta against them ever since her fourth grade recital. They had been in a rush to get there, because her dad had gotten home late from a surgery and slept in. They didn't have time to get ready and she had to bring everything in a bag her dad packed while she ate breakfast. When she got there, she realized her dad packed pink tights instead of white ones. The whites went with the recital costume. Her dance teacher wasn't going to let her go on, but her dad had yelled so much while Josie shrank in the corner, wishing her embarrassment would burn more than just herself and melt a hole in the floor that she could sink through. Finally, her teacher let her go in, but she was moved to the back of the whole dance. It wasn't fun, she felt miserable the whole time, and it was all because of those stupid pink tights.<p>

"You okay there, kid?" Jo teased as Josie waddled up the stairs to Meredith and Derek's house.

"These are horrible to walk in," Josie grudged.

"They're probably too small then," Jo laughed. "When did you get them?"

"I dunno," Josie shrugged, looking at Alex. "A couple years ago?" Alex shrugged back. It sounded about right to him.

"A couple years ago? Alex, why wouldn't you get her proper tights?"

"What are you talking about? They still fit her."

"Just because she can get them on doesn't mean they fit! Do you know how uncomfortable it is to walk in tights that are too small?"

Alex looked perplexed at how to answer that. No, he did not know. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to know or not.

"You guys are early!" Meredith opened the door before they could knock. She carried an emptying glass of wine in the hand she didn't use to open the door. "Cristina is already here. Callie and Arizona are in the kitchen. And the kids are upstairs, Josie, if you want to go up."

"Say hi to Cristina first," Alex instructed. He put his arm on Jo's back, and Jo looked at him with a silently grateful expression. She hadn't seen these people in years. Though most of them knew what had happened and why, it didn't make it any less awkward.

"Hi Dr. Yang," said Josie respectfully.

"Dr. Yang? Josie! You don't remember me, do you?"

Josie shook her head tentatively and looked at Jo and Alex for comfort.

"Ah, well, it's not your fault. I haven't seen you in a long time. We used to get along pretty well though."

"We did?"

"Are you kidding? You pretty much had me wrapped around your finger. You used to actually play house with my surgeon Sally doll when I tried to get you to operate, and _I_ actually let you. That's how well you had me."

"Me? But your Dr. _Yang. _You're like, _famous."_

Cristina laughed so hard her head fell back, then looked at Alex.

"What kind of stories have you been telling her?"

Alex held up his hands like he was innocent. "I don't tell her anything except for when she asks. Everything she knows about you, she looks up herself."

Josie blushed at his admission, knowing full well why she had taken any interest at all in researching doctors. "I used to look up a lot of what it was like before I was born and stuff, when I was, uh, trying to find my mom. But you were the most interesting, so I looked you up now and... stuff."

"Wow, the most interesting? I'm flattered."

Josie blushed and nodded, and looked for an okay from her dad that she could run up the stairs now. When he gave her a small nod, she took the steps two at a time.

"She's so big now," Cristina marveled. "It feels like I've missed so much with you guys."

"You have," Callie said helpfully, walking in to the living room with Arizona trailing behind her with a tray of crackers and cheese. A round of glares made Callie raise her eyebrows and realize she didn't say something so helpful after all.

"Cheese and crackers?" Arizona chirped, placing the tray in front of them. At the sound of the doorbell, Meredith shot up and returned moments later with April, Jackson, Jax, and a bottle of wine.

"More wine!" Meredith cheered playfully.

"I heard wine?" A voice echoed through from the open door.

"Dr. Bailey! You came!"

"Well, you invited me, didn't you?" She asked in a tone that made Meredith doubt herself enough to wonder if she actually did invite her or imagined it.

"Yes!" She said finally, then looked at the teenage boy next to her. "Hey Tuck! You and Jax can head on upstairs with the rest of the kids." Tuck nodded politely to all the adults and ran up the stairs behind Jax.

"Okay, so before everyone got here we were just discussing about that time whe-"

"Ew!"

"Ew? Ew what?" Meredith looked at Arizona, who was standing up and shrieking towards the cracker on the floor.

"Someone brought moldy cheese!"

Callie's face dropped as she looked at her wife.

"Are you serious, Arizona? It's just mold. Cut around it. You're a doctor."

"So?"

"So you know that mold isn't permeable through soft cheeses if you just cut off the part affected."

"Ew," April added. "But it's still mold."

"Oh come on," waved Cristina. "Callie's right. You just cut it away and it's as good as new."

"I'm with Kepner and Dr. Robbins on this one. No one's coming near me with their damn molding goat cheese."

"It's not goat cheese," Arizona corrected Bailey, but looked away at the stare she got for it. "But it's not important. Mold is gross."

"You guys are all babies! Who cares about moldy cheese? We can solve this problem with some cheetos."

"Cheetos? What's so great about cheetos?"

"I really don't know," Meredith admitted. "But I know we have some in the cabinet." As Meredith rounded on her last syllable, the fire alarm beeped from the kitchen and caused all of them to jump up. Meredith ran in first and stopped in front of Derek, who was holding a black chicken and a blank expression.

"Derek! What happened?!"

"Well, I'm dyslexic, and I can't be a surgeon anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I put the oven on 540 degrees instead of 450 and I forgot about it while I was mashing the potatoes... then... it was all of a sudden..." He made the movements with his hand to signal an explosion.

"Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine. Our bravest soldier, Dr. Chicken McCreamy was our only casualty."

"Well what are we going to do now? The meal goes with chicken! We can't make an entire new one!"

"Well, I'll tell you what."

"What?" Everyone turned at the same time, and the attention seemed to shock Arizona.

"I was just going to say that the moldy cheese is off the table."

"Callie-"

"I know, I know," Callie interrupted the ensemble. "Arizona, be quiet."

"What happened?" Zola called from behind all the adults. The entire group of kids were trailing her.

"Nothing, sweetie. Can you take everyone back upstairs for now?"

"Um," Jo said quietly before clearing her throat. "I know a good place for chicken."

"You do?"

"I mean," she said, stealing a glance to smile at Alex before answering. "As long as you don't mind fried or takeout."


	23. Chapter 23

"Okay, truth or dare?" Arizona asked as everyone started to clear the table.

"Okay," April agreed, looking at Jackson. "But we have to get home soon. We have a big day tomorrow."

"A big day? Ohhhh! Someone is getting some tonight."

"Oh please, Dr. Bailey," April blushed. "No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?" Arizona asked eagerly, and was echoed by choruses of yeah!'s and what is it?.

"Well we were going to wait until it's an official but," April looked at Jackson and smiled. "Now is as good as a time as ever. We're meeting with a social worker tomorrow to maybe adopt a baby girl!"

"NO WAY! Guys, that's amazing!"

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you, thank you," Jackson said humbly, holding April's hands. "We've been thinking about it for awhile and... and with Jax getting older, it just felt like now was a good time for us. April wants to take some time off work, and I was thinking I was going to step down a little too."

"Step down?" Alex asked.

"I was actually going to talk to you, Meredith, about managing the Harper Avery share of the hospital."

"Me?" Meredith asked.

"Look at you!" Cristina bellowed happily. "Being the sun and all!"

"I don't know what to say, Jackson, I mean, thank you..."

"How about... yes?"

"Well," she said, giving her answer a pregnant pause. "I mean, of course!"

"This calls for dessert!"

As everyone started finishing up, people began weaving in and out of the room. Jackson collected Jax while April hugged everyone goodbye and received a final round of congratulations.

"Please, Meredith," Jo waved her off and stood up, holding her own plate. "Sit down. I can take care of this."

"No, Jo, you're a guest!"

"Yes, and you've barely sat down all night," Jo pulled the plate away from Meredith. "Sit down."

Meredith smiled gratefully and walked towards the living room. She plopped down on the couch and threw her legs over Cristina's.

"Okay, Cristina. Tell us magical stories about your magical life."

Cristina laughed and started speaking, but Jo missed the magical stories as she walked into the kitchen. People were dispersed around the house, but this room was empty. As the night wore on, she felt increasingly comfortable with all of Alex's friends, so much so that she even seeked their encouragement about retaking the boards and coming back to Grey Sloan. But she basked in the solitude of the kitchen, for having a free moment to hear her own thoughts over everyone else's voices.

"Mom?"

The voice made her turn around, although she didn't register she was being spoken to until she saw Josie standing on the entryway to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and blinking quickly.

"Are you okay?" Jo asked immediately, putting the dish down on the counter and moving towards her.

She nodded and yawned. "I'm so tired. Can we go home soon?"

"Of course," Jo agreed a little too ferociously. "You go get your stuff and I'm going to finish the dishes quickly, then I'll get your dad. Okay?"

Josie nodded and smiled and wrapped her arms around Jo's neck. Though taken by surprise, Jo hugged her back and enjoyed her moment with her.

"I'm glad you got to come tonight," Josie smiled and put her head on Jo's shoulder, not pulling away from their hug. Partly because she was so tired and it felt good to rest her head. "I really think they liked you."

"Ha! I hope they did."

"They did," Josie confirmed. "I knew they would."

* * *

><p>Jo put her face in her palms and shook her head. Talking to Alex was like trying to punch a brick wall, then getting angry when it broke your hand.<p>

"I don't expect you to have been faithful to me, Alex," Jo tried again, hoping this time he wouldn't take it as an accusation and start the same fight over for the hundredth time since they got home. "I know it was a long time. I'm not going to be angry when I'm the one who put you in this position."

"You're an idiot, Jo."

"Alex," Jo pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth and tried to swallow the rage at Alex's lackluster response. "You are avoiding the subject."

"No, I'm not. You are. If you think I would have even wanted to be with anyone besides you, you're more of an idiot than I thought."

"Alex..." Jo said tenderly, reaching out to hold his hand so he would stop pacing in front of her. "Oh, Alex."

"Shut up. I have things to say now."

"Okay," said Jo, pleasantly surprised. "Be my guest. Please, say them."

"I tried to date after you left. I even tried to hook up with interns in the supply closets so I could stop freakin' thinking _for one freakin' second_."

"Good to know," Jo rolled her tongue and looked sideways. "Thanks for sharing such a valuable piece of-"

"I know it was hard for you," Alex started with half-heartedly. "I know you had to leave almost everything behind. But I lost almost everything too. All I had left was this tiny little piece. This tiny little piece that pooped her pants and was just learning to walk and could only say mama, dada, and uh-oh, who needed me, and so I didn't have any time to mourn. I didn't get any time to myself to cry or throw things or hate you or move on from you. It was just like I was stuck in time, in this horrible frozen piece of time of the moment you left. I watched Josie grow up, but it felt like I couldn't move."

"I know Alex, I know, I felt the same!" Jo said passionately. She stood up and held his arm to force him to stop and look at her. For a few minutes, she stared at him nervously, waiting for him to reply. Maybe she shouldn't have said she understood, maybe she really didn't understand, maybe she overstepped her boundaries. Then in the next second, he was all over her, consuming her. There was a softness in his firmity. She let her hands travel up his neck and through his hair.

"Let's get married," Alex breathed in between kisses. Jo was so enveloped in his scent, in his touch, she didn't register what he said until after a few more kisses. "Jo?"

"Huh?" Jo said, pulling him back in. Alex pulled away and held her so she couldn't kiss him again. She would have to listen.

"Jo," Alex said seriously. "Let's get married."

"Alex? Are you serious?"

"Why not? We were going to before, weren't we?"

"That was before! That when everything wasn't... everything."

"When everything wasn't everything?"

"Alex... you know... everything is just..."

"Wrong?"

"No! Not wrong. Alex, I do want to marry you, I do. I just want to make sure we know what we're getting into."

"I've been waiting for you for twelve years. I know what I'm getting into."

Jo smiled and held his cheek.

"I love you," Jo murmured for only him to hear.

"I love you too, Jo."

"Do you?" she teased. "Do you _really_?"

"What? Of course I do."

"I don't believe you," Jo said stone-faced, trailing her fingers down his arm like a butterfly fluttering its wings. She tried to pull back on her smile as she strolled toward the staircase. "You're just going to have to prove it."

"Wha-oh! _Oh_." Alex exclaimed with the familiar look of knowledge glossing over his eyes. As he began to follow her, Jo increased her speed, suppressing chuckles and practically falling over her feet as she moved towards their bedroom. A giggle of surprise finally fell out of her when Alex grabbed her waist from behind and threw her on the bed, kissing, if it were possible, more passionately than the first time they had when she returned.

"Jo," he breathed into her crown of her neck in between kissing it, and she thought it might have been the most attracted she had ever been to the sound of her own name. She never wanted him more than in that moment, right there. When he touched her, a soft and endless longing in his fingertips, it seemed that all stars underneath her skin turned into constellations. It was what she had never imagined she would feel again, she had forgotten how easily Alex could give it to her. It was feeling like she was home.


	24. Chapter 24

"We should get up," Jo gave a lackluster suggestion. She had no interest in getting up, possibly ever. She had gotten less than three hours of sleep, but she knew Alex had work and Josie had school, so their time was limited.

"You are amazing," Alex marveled, turning over to face her. Jo stared at the ceiling and laughed, then turned to face him and put her hand on his cheek and kissed him.

"Glad you think so."

"I was serious last night, Jo. I want to get married."

"Now, I _know_ that's just the sex talking."

"No, it's not! Why won't you just believe that I want to spend my freakin' life with you?"

"I do believe you! I do! It's just-"

"DADDY! DAD-DY!" With each call, the sound got louder and louder, until there was a pounding knock on their door. Jo looked at Alex with wide eyes.

"Shower," Alex suggested softly. Jo nodded and jumped up while Alex put on the clothes he was wearing last night that were still at the foot of the bed. "What is it princess?"

Josie barged once she got his reply and scrunched her eyebrows immediately in recognition.

"Daddy, you slept in your clothes from the party? How come?"

"Oh, well, I had a headache. I just fell asleep before I had a chance to change."

"Okay then," Josie said, looking at Alex like he had three heads. "Where's Mom?"

"Shower," Alex said with a breath of relief. At least that was one question he could answer.

"Oh okay. Well," said Josie, seemingly too happy to care to ask any more questions. "Guess what!"

"What Jos?"

"I called a therapist for you!"

"You what?!"

"Uh-huh! She seemed SO nice! She said there's an opening today at 5. I know you're working, but can you get off? Pretty please, Daddy! Please please please!"

"Josie! Are you serious? You can't just go around making therapist appointments for people! What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that you needed help," answered Josie, her face falling dramatically. "I just wanted to help you guys define your relationship..."

"Define our-? Josie, where did you hear that? The therapist?"

Josie shrugged guiltily. "Please Daddy. It would help me _adjust_ to such _big changes in my life."_

"Josie," Alex rubbed his temple. He had to get ready for work and he didn't have time to argue.

"Dad."

"Fine," he agreed grudgingly. "I'll pick you up at 4:30. You're going to have to ask your mother, because I'm not going to."

"Ask me what?" Jo asked, walking out of the bathroom in fresh clothes and toweling the hair she just barely got wet for effect.

"Oh thank you, Daddy, thank you!" Josie squealed instead of answering, hugging her Dad's waist. "Also, bring your insurance information. Thank you thank you thank you!"

"I'm going in the shower before I'm late for work. Your daughter has something to ask you."

"What's going on?" Jo asked, looking expectantly between the two of them.

"Um," Josie smiled innocently. "Maybe we should talk about it over breakfast."

* * *

><p>The room was very plain and the walls were a really rich looking blue color, like the middle of an ocean. Josie vaguely remembered learning in art class that blue was a calming color, but Colin was digging for gold up his nose right in front of her, so he distracted her and made her memory of her teacher talking in the front fuzzy.<p>

Her mom brought her here, and her dad was meeting them, but it was 4:54 and he wasn't there yet.

"Relax," Jo said, reading her mind. "He'll be here on time."

"He's got six minutes."

"Will you relax?"

Josie began to tell her mom that she would not relax if he was going to be late, when she turned to the commotion that captured her attention. Within moments, her dad appeared in front of her. Josie looked at the clock on the wall. 4:58. She smiled at her mom like they were sharing a secret.

"I was worried!" Josie said, running up to him. "Okay, good luck you guys."

"Excuse me?" Alex asked.

"Well, it's for you guys..." Josie explained slowly. "It's so you can work it out..."

"Uh-uh. No. You are coming in if we do this."

"What! That wasn't planned! She's not expecting that."

"Oh, don't you worry, I made a call. She's fine with it."

Josie decided not to continue the argument by asking how he knew the number to call. She already figured she would be quiet and let her parents work it out. She was sure that they had a lot to say and they just needed a place to say it. If they talked to her too much, she would give one-word answers or redirect it to them. She could definitely make it work. Plus then she would know what was going on.

* * *

><p>The therapy session was not what she expected. She talked a lot more than she anticipated. Apparently she had a lot of feelings. Not many people responded. In fact, she occasionally got a nod from the therapist, or a gentle rubbing of her back or arm from one of her parents, but mostly, she spent an entire hour talking to herself. She wasn't sure if she liked it. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to go back. The car was quiet now. She wondered if she had talked so much in the blue room that her body had run out of words.<p>

"How do you feel, Jos?" Alex asked, looking to his side. Josie turned from staring out the window to look towards him.

"I don't know," she admitted. "That wasn't what I expected."

"I think your mom took what you said pretty hard."

"I didn't mean it! I mean... I don't know if I meant it. I didn't mean to hurt her," Josie looked down at her brown boots guiltily. Her mom was driving home alone, since they came in separate cars. Josie went with her dad, completely sure that her mom hated her and never wanted to see her again.

"She knows that," Alex promised her. "We're both glad you got to get it off your chest. It's good to talk about how you're feeling. I know I'm not the best at it, but you shouldn't go by me. You're so much better than me. Just by making that appointment and convincing us all to go... you're already so much better. This is a great thing you did, Jos. You should be proud."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"And you think she'll forgive me for what I said?"

"She's not angry with you. She just wants to help you. The more honest you are with her, the better she can do that. And that makes everyone happy."

Josie nodded, not feeling completely reassured, but knowing the conversation had to stop because they were outside the house and her mom was getting out of the car right in front of them. Alex waited a few moments while Josie steppd out to face her.

"Hey kid," Jo said softly.

"Hi," Josie squeaked, before the words came spilling out like vomit. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it when I said that you weren't there for me. And I didn't mean it when I said I didn't forgive you. I'm not mad at you, I know you had to stay away to protect me, I'm not mad, I swear. I was just confused when I was talking. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it.

"Hey, slow down. It's okay. You weren't wrong."

"I wasn't?"

Jo looked over Josie's head to Alex, then back at Josie and nodded. "No, you weren't. There's something I want to show you. We should go inside."

Josie nodded slowly and followed her, halfway aware of her dad trailing behind her. She sat down at the kitchen table across from her mom, with her dad taking the spot next to her. She suddenly had a feeling like being cornered.

"What is it?" she asked, looking between both of her parents. "What do you have to tell me?"

Jo exhaled then pulled her wallet out of her purse. She lifted a folded square from a credit card pocket and ironed it out with her hands. Wordlessly, she slid it so Josie could see.

It was a chubby, one-year-old baby that Josie recognized as herself. Her mother was holding her and smiling straight at the camera, so much so that Josie could almost envision her dad behind the lens making her laugh. With further inspection, she realized what felt off about it. Her mom was bigger than she knew her as. Josie was wearing a pink shirt that said _Big Sister_, and her mom's shirt said _Little Brother_ on the stomach with an arrow pointing down. It looked like another universe, one with a perfect family and two doctor parents and a perfect life.

"What is this?"

"We had just gotten back from the doctors," Jo started to explain.

"It was my idea," Alex interrupted. "Your mom see, she told me she was pregnant the first time with a onesie. You know the one I told you about? About your daddy being a doctor?"

Josie nodded with her mouth slightly open, too shocked to speak words.

"But it got pretty much ruined because we were in a fight, so I wanted to do something like that this time for her and not ruin it by being a jerkface."

Jo smiled at him as he spoke.

"I- I don't understand."

"Everything started... I mean, I had to leave, almost exactly a week after this picture was taken."

"So... what are you trying to tell me? You had a baby? I have a brother?"

"He-" Jo looked at Alex with tears filling up her eyes. "I had a late miscarriage a little after I left. I was 22 weeks along," she explained, staring at Alex. They both understand why this tiny sentence seemed heavier than a thousand weights. Two more weeks, and their baby would have at least had a chance.

"I don't understand," Josie repeated blankly. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I think you deserve to know... you deserve to know the whole truth. We can't move on until you do."

Josie nodded for an agreement.

"When your father found me in that... condition, injured like that, I mean. We had to make a plan. We were already planning to leave, but we obviously weren't quick enough. So I was going to lay low for awhile, seemingly disappear, and Alex was going to tell everyone I ran away, even though I didn't. Your dad had an online interview coming up for a position in San Francisco."

"W-what? I don't understand... you were supposed to come back? You were supposed to not run away for my whole life?"

"I was calling obstetricians in the area for when we moved together."

"And?"

"And I lost James. And I had to go to the hospital. I wouldn't go to Grey Sloan... I just couldn't face anyone... especially Alex. I knew it wasn't my fault... but it felt like it was. Disappearing when I was pregnant... after I lost him it just seemed like a stupid thing to do. I knew going on the hospital records put me back on the record and easier to find. I convinced myself it would be dangerous to go back, but I just couldn't face it. I felt guilty and ashamed and I wanted my baby. I'm so sorry," Jo reached her hands out over Josie's, but Josie jerked hers back and tucked them under the table. She saw something flash across her mom's face, but it was so quick that she couldn't tell if it was surprise or hurt. She supposed both could be possible, but Josie wasn't thinking about that. She was too surprised... too... she didn't know. Betrayed! Her mom really abandoned her. The thought made her hairs stand up in the goosebumps on her arm.

"Did you know?" Josie turned to her dad, with an accusation so acidic it left burn marks on her throat.

"Josie-"

"DID YOU?"

"Since she got home, I have-"

"HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME? HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT THIS? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

"Of course we both love you," Jo said quickly. "More than anything."

"REALLY? YOU HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF SHOWING IT! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HERE!" Josie stopped to take a breath when she felt like she was going to deflate and fall over. "You could have been here," she repeated, much calmer. "You were... just...too sad to be my mother."

"No! You don't understand! I was beyond myself with grief, yes, I didn't think I would ever be able to heal from it, yes, but I would have came back if I could have done so safely! I knew if they found me, they'd want to hurt you more than ever. They would know that you're even more precious to me because of our loss."

"So precious that you never saw me again," Josie scoffed sarcastically.

"I love you so, so much. You have no idea how you hold my entire heart. You have to understand that I did think I was doing what was best for you."

Josie's lip quivered so much that her entire jaw shook. She looked between her mom and her dad and tried not to yell out in pain when she bite the inside of her cheek. The pain just made her angrier in an irrational way, but when she looked between the two of them, she just felt like a faucet that someone had left on too long. She was just tired.

"Before I go upstairs, are there any other lies you want to share with me?" Josie asked facetiously.


	25. Chapter 25

"Jos, please," Alex bargained, holding out his hand. Josie pushed him away as violently as she could while still knowing she wouldn't hurt him.

"Forget it! Just leave me alone!"

"We've ruined everything, Alex," Jo sighed after Josie slammed the door upstairs so loud they both jumped. She clunked her head down on the table in front of her, then sat back up quickly. "I ruined everything."

"No you didn't... or we didn't. It's going to be fine."

"You always say that."

"And it always is."

"I really messed up this time. Everything is messed up... I just... how did we get to this point? It's like you're young and you think you have all these choices, this entire life ahead of you. And then suddenly nothing is what it's supposed to be. It's like there was no control at all... life just kind picks you up in a tornado and spins you around, then all of a sudden you get dropped and you have to figure out how to pick up any pieces you're lucky enough to find. It's just... this wasn't how it was supposed to be."

"Maybe it happened like this for a reason. Maybe it's supposed to be like this."

"You really believe all that stuff?"

"No," Alex smirked. "But I know people love hearing that kind of crap."

Jo swatted Alex on his arm playfully, giving him a pathetic sad smile in return.

"No, you're right," Jo decided. "I just can't imagine any good reason for this. I should have been here. We should have watched Josie and James grow up together. James should be here, he should be in middle school, he should be playing little league, or practicing surgery techniques, he should be asking for stupid toys in the store then stomping his feet when we say no, you should be his hero, you should take him out and teach him how to fish even though you're terrible at it. He should be here. But he's not. He should have had a chance to live," Jo bit her lip so hard to stop herself from crying, when the tears came anyway she wasn't sure if it was from the pain of her lip or from the memory of her son. "He never even got a chance."

"You can't spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for this, Jo. You just can't. It's not healthy."

"What am I supposed to do, Alex? Forget about him?"

"No," he answered frustratedly. "I'm not saying that. I'm just saying-"

"Saying what? I'm not allowed to grieve?"

"You've been grieving for twelve years, damn it Jo! Haven't you had enough time?"

"Well, I'm sorry I can't just shut my feelings off when they're not convenient for you!"

"I'm not freakin' saying that!"

"Then what _are_ you saying, Alex?"

"I'm just saying that you have a child, a _daughter, _that's upstairs and loves you and wants you to be a part of her life and you're acting like she doesn't matter."

"Of course she matters!"

"I wish more than anything I could have known my son, but that doesn't change the fact he's not here right now and Josie is."

"How can you say that? How can you say it so easily? You didn't hold him," she spoke painfully. "You didn't have to hold his tiny body that housed a heart that would never beat and lungs that would never breathe. You didn't ever hold him. You didn't know him. You have no idea what I went through."

"Yeah, well whose fault is that, Jo?" Alex spat his words furiously, standing up out of anger and pacing back and forth, seemingly ready to break something. Jo flung her head backwards as if she had been physically slapped.

"I wish I could do it over, Alex," Jo cried. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't change it."

"I- I think I should stay somewhere else for a few days," Jo suggested, walking out of the kitchen slowly, in case Alex wanted to tell her not to leave, that he wanted her to stay, that he wanted to work it out.

"Jo, wait," Alex called, and Jo stopped in her spot and listened without moving. He spoke like venom was being expelled out of his body. "Are you planning to come back this time?"

Jo looked back, a mix of fury and heartbreak on her face, and seemed like she was going to say something in response, but instead turned back around and kept walking to the front door.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick up my stuff. Tell Josie I'll pick her up at school if she wants to talk."

* * *

><p>"Jo? What are you doing at my house at eight in the evening?"<p>

"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey, I had nowhere else to go. Stephanie is doing that fellowship in Maryland, and Leah is in Arizona, and Heather is dead. God, who even knows what Shane is doing nowadays... all of our lives are just... a mess," Jo's voice broke by the end of her explanation, and uncomfortably, Meredith ushered her inside.

"Cristina is staying with us, she has the guest bedroom, but you're welcome to stay on the couch if you need to."

"Thank you, thank you Dr. Grey."

"Meredith," she corrected gently. "What's with the Dr. Grey thing?"

"Sorry," Jo explained, clearly embarrassed. "I guess it was just reflex."

"Just relax," Meredith smiled givingly, and Jo returned it as best she could. "Do you wanna talk about what's going on?"

"Not really," Jo grudged. "It's just that Alex... god, he's so pig-headed, you know? It's like he can't even talk to me. He's just so..."

"Frustrating?"

"Yes!"

"That's Alex," Meredith smiled. "You love it or you leave it."

"I love him," Jo answered, even though it wasn't posed as a question.

"I know you do, and that's why you guys butt heads. You know he loves you, right?"

Jo nodded suspiciously.

"And you know you love him?"

Jo nodded again.

"Then everything else is just the details."

Jo threw her head back over the sofa and stared above her, letting out a long, dramatic sigh into the air.

"Aren't the details pretty important?" Jo asked in dismay, keeping her vision locked on the ceiling. They were so high that they felt miles away, and Jo sort of felt like she was on a really expensive camping trip in a really expensive cabin.

"Eh," Meredith swatted her hand in dismissal. "Details are just details. Derek and I worked them out."

"Yes, but that's because its you and Derek. Everyone knows you guys are like swans or whatever."

"What did you just call me, Wilson?"

"Oh no! Oh, no no no! I didn't mean- I just meant that you and Derek-"

"Relax, I'm kidding. But really, what are you talking about?"

"Oh it's just what the interns called you that year when Derek had that president thing and everyone was making bets if you'd stay together. Most people said you would, and then Steph said you guys had to because you were like swans. You know, like the mating for life, symbol of love type of thing. I guess it just kind of stuck in the hospital."

"Really? And who knows about this?"

"Just like the people who were in my year," Jo assured her innocently, as if she would get in trouble if not. "And a few others. Not many! Most of the nurses..."

"How did I _never_ hear about this?"

Jo gave her best smile, though it looked like she had just been caught sharing answers on a test and the teacher was about to send her to detention.

* * *

><p>Josie waited patiently.<p>

Jax was picked up by his mom today with his new baby sister. Josie met her, and she was okay. She didn't do anything. She didn't even open her eyes. Jax's mother said she was tired and had a long day, but sheesh, how could she not be woken up for even a second by all the noise? That baby slept like a rock. It was like the size of a rock too. The size of a literal rock. Like the size of a rock that she could fit in the palm of her hand. She had never seen anything so TINY. She asked Jax what it was like to be a big brother, but he said he didn't know, because last night was their first night. She asked if he was angry a new baby was coming, but he said he was excited. Apparently he always wanted to be an older brother. Who would have thought?

Jax's mom offered to drive her home and let her stay over until her dad came to pick her up later, and Josie thought about it. Her dad told her this morning that her mom was going to pick her up, but she thought about leaving anyway. She was angry and how did she even know her mom would come? She had no reason to believe her mom would. For all Josie knew, her mom was driving across the country right now. She felt a weird shattering throughout her body at the thought of it being true. She couldn't explain why or where it came from, but she always had this mental idea of her mother. Not in what she looked like, she had pictures for that, but who she was. She just always pictured her mother as kind, and generous, and, well, good. She had thought she was right, but the thought of her mom leaving her again... the thought of her mom leaving her at all... how could she be good?

Josie decided to make a deal with herself. If there was a red car within the next five that pulled up, her mom would be coming. If not, she would have to go back inside and call her dad.

The first car was black, then blue, then green. The fourth was also green, a dusty, dirty green, and Josie wondered if the driver knew how much their car needed to be washed. Josie closed her eyes before looking for the last car. She bargained with the universe; please, please make this car red. If it's red I'll do all my homework and never get angry ever again and never complain about the canned broccoli Dad always cooked with my fish sticks.

The last car was black. Josie deflated like a balloon springing across the room, looking for a place to land. The car stopped in front of her, and as Josie peered in the passenger side window, her face lit up before she could remind herself to be mad.

"You came!"

"Did you think I wouldn't?" Jo questioned, looking Josie up and down.

Josie shrugged. "I forgot about this car."

"What do you mean? I've been using it for weeks..."

"I know, but like, I forgot that it's _the_ car. Until I saw it in front of the school and I _remembered."_

"Oh right. The school. Some great memories, weren't they?"

Josie tried to force down a smirk that was curving upwards, but failed miserably. She looked in front of her, defeated at her failure. She was still angry. Jo noticed immediately.

"I'm sorry, kiddo. I really am."

"Why'd you leave last night?"

"It had nothing to do with you," Jo assured her. "Your father and I had a fight. I just thought we could use some space."

"You just left. I woke up and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry, I told him to tell you I would be coming-"

"You just weren't there," Josie's voice cracked as she squeaked out the word there. "I thought you left again. I thought I made you hate me because of what I said and you left."

"Oh," Jo said softly. "I am so so sorry. I didn't even think about... I shouldn't have left without telling you. I'm sorry. I swear, I won't ever do that again, Jos."

By this point, Josie's chest was heaving up and down from the sobs escaping her body, like an unwelcome ghost finally being kicked out.

"You promise?" Josie asked finally, looking at her with her innocent, wide-eyed brown gaze.

"Do you remember the last time we were outside your school in this car talking?"

Josie shook her head, unable to recall at that moment exactly what the last time was.

"It was when you yelled at me, and your dad came to pick you up," Jo explained, and the memory came back to Josie in pieces. "You said something to me about your eyes... how your eyes were all I ever gave to you."

"I'm sorry," Josie said, looking down, wondering why her mom had brought this up at a time like this. She was feeling vulnerable enough. It was like your friend asking if you remembered the time you had a crush on someone who was sitting right there.

"No... no, you were right. Partly. What you were wrong about was that you got them from me."

"Everyone says they look just like yours. They change between hazel and brown. Isn't that like yours?"

"Well, yes," Jo answered. "Maybe your color. But your eyes, they're completely your father."

"Okay," Josie said slowly. "But the color is from you, so how can they be his?"

"Just... everything else. You... you are so good inside. I see it every time you look at me. It's the way he looked at me, it's how I fell in love with him. Your eyes crinkle the same way when you're trying to pretend you're not upset, and they sparkle the same way when you allow hope into them. You just... they're just like him."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Josie asked, shifting under the uncomfortable feeling of being gazed at.

"It's a good thing," Jo assured her. "And as for earlier, I do promise. I am never going to leave you again."


End file.
